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AIBU?

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Original poster

SIL being spitefull?

67 replies

Bringonthesun1 · 17/06/2025 18:11

AIBU to be annoyed here? SIL has been doing a few of what I believe to be “spiteful” things recently. My DS was in her company the other day and he mentioned about something new he had seen and they looked cool , but “mum is going to order me one!” As soon as he said that SiL told him “oh I will get you one anyway, ill pay for it to arrive faster than mums one and ill buy a few extras to go with it” 🧐 she did not bank on DS (9) telling me this. She is coming over this evening uninvited for my DD’s birthday (I had invited MIL and FIL, but she told my son she would be taging along!) aibu to be a bit miffed and to think that there is some strabge one up-age going on here with her? She is DH’s sister

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CurlewKate · 10/12/2025 09:49

Bringonthesun1 · 17/06/2025 18:24

No they have not. They are not on speaking terms and she well knows this. She has never apologised but continues to disregard and disrespect us because she believes she has rights to our children. (DC were with mil and fil when she arrived to see them knowing DH and me would not be there)

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Why wasn’t that in your original post?

Aimtodobetter · 10/12/2025 05:50

Bringonthesun1 · 19/06/2025 18:11

She did. I politely asked her to leave and that she knew why. She started crying/screaming and threw a bag of presents at my DD and left. In laws stayef for DD’s sake but MIL snuck into the kitchen to have a go at me for asking her daughter to leave. I asked her to re direct her anger at an over grown toddler who had just there a bag of presents at my own daughter and that if she couldn’t do that then she could leave as well.

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Good! Modelling clear, calm boundaries for your kids is very sensible.

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 19/06/2025 20:45

@Bringonthesun1 cant believe your mil is actually standing up for sil!! she knows her daughter is way out of line here! and it is your house, so your rules. remember that when you need mil for childcare. your house only, not hers!

Original poster
Bringonthesun1 · 19/06/2025 18:11

dapsnotplimsolls · 18/06/2025 18:27

Did she turn up?

She did. I politely asked her to leave and that she knew why. She started crying/screaming and threw a bag of presents at my DD and left. In laws stayef for DD’s sake but MIL snuck into the kitchen to have a go at me for asking her daughter to leave. I asked her to re direct her anger at an over grown toddler who had just there a bag of presents at my own daughter and that if she couldn’t do that then she could leave as well.

OP posts:
Ewg9 · 19/06/2025 16:16

She sounds a nob, keep contact to a minimum.

LAMPS1 · 19/06/2025 06:22

This should be a concern about SIL being a safeguarding risk rather than a concern about her beng spiteful. She is in fact both but the safeguarding risk is much greater.
I hope your DH made it clear why she and her gift were not welcome and that you do not condone her sneaky and aggressive behaviour and for that reason she should stay away from you and your son.
When your son is in the care of your in laws, you can’t dictate who is and isn’t allowed into their house. The onus of responsibility falls back on to you. If you don’t want to take the risk of SIL having access to DS again, then don’t let him go there.
Only you know how serious a risk she really is.

Pinkyhere · 18/06/2025 23:04

She sounds vindictive and not someone I would want around my kids.
I would stop time with pil without you being there.

Pessismistic · 18/06/2025 22:39

Just send her and in-laws a message she’s not welcome please don’t turn up.

CurlewKate · 18/06/2025 18:57

“My SIL assaulted my dh last year. AIBU not to want her to spend time with my children?”

No, you are not being unreasonable.

Why waste time with all the other faff?

GiveDogBone · 18/06/2025 18:38

Obviously she’s mentally unhinged, and a spiteful b*tch. Don’t let her cross the door when she turns up, if she insists on pushing her way through, throw her out and / or call the police, before she puts your pet bunny rabbit on the stove.

Dagnabit · 18/06/2025 18:30

What the hell am I reading here? Of course she’s being spiteful! Underhandedly trying to win favour by promising a present sooner and “with extra things”, knowing full well his mum is wanting to buy it for him. I’m sure all these naysayer posters would love that… 🙄

dapsnotplimsolls · 18/06/2025 18:27

Did she turn up?

5128gap · 18/06/2025 18:22

If the woman is physically violent and is engineering a situation to be with your children against your wishes, surely that's the issue you should be worrying about. Whether the physically violent person gaining unpermitted access to your children may or may not have said something to be a bit spiteful to you, is surely neither here nor there.

Ponoka7 · 18/06/2025 18:21

Contact your in-laws and tell them that she isn't invited and won't be allowed in the house, unless your DH wants her there. She knows that your child will tell you what's being said, so she is being deliberately inflammatory. Decide with your DH what the boundaries are and stick to them.

WFHforevermore · 18/06/2025 18:19

Bringonthesun1 · 17/06/2025 18:17

There is a major history of boundary crossing. She was not invited because she physically assaulted my DH last year.

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so begins the drip drip drip.......😂

Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet · 18/06/2025 18:13

Just hand the gifts back.
Your dc can know not everyone is nice to have in their lives..
Stop leaving dc with ils.
Simple.

Ladygardenerderby · 18/06/2025 18:10

If she assaulted your husband no I’d not be having her in the house either . She’s trying to get one up on you re the gift I think

Moonlightexpress · 18/06/2025 07:29

Op if shes been violent why have you left your son with her?

Sorry just seen she just turned up. You say you're not mad with the inlaws but you should be. And to be fair you sound more annoyed about the gift comment then the fact she was with your son.

Original poster
Bringonthesun1 · 17/06/2025 21:18

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 17/06/2025 20:01

Previous posters are being disingenuous. A 'ah if your mums not ordered it yet I'm happy to get that for you' is completely different to 'l'll buy it for you, and I'll pay extra so it arrives first'. Its the arriving first thing that shows its completely motivated by one-upmanship (irrespective of the back story)

It certainly is different, thank you :) ds told her thst I had already ordered it so she was not doing me a favour to save money in any way , and the “ill pay extra so it srrives faster than mums one” is just bloody weird

OP posts:
gamerchick · 17/06/2025 20:32

I'd be making use of it me. Save myself some coin on expensive stuff.

Member869894 · 17/06/2025 20:21

It's all a bit silly really imo.

JoshLymanSwagger · 17/06/2025 20:17

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 17/06/2025 19:38

Regardless how sorry you feel for them you may have to draw a line now and prevent your son from having this again by telling your in-laws they can only see him at your house from now on.

While you're at it you should probably tell them you know she's planning to come along tonight and she is not welcome and won't be let in.

^This, OP.

You can't trust that she won't just barge in to you ILs home while your kids are there.

Don't let her in the house if she turns up.

MadamCholetsbonnet · 17/06/2025 20:12

I am a bit confused, sorry.

I understand that SIL had unexpected contact with DS at PILS. If you wish to avoid that, you can’t allow DC to be at PILS unsupervised.

As for the party, surely you just tell SIL she’s not invited or welcome if she tries to gatecrash.

The present business is tedious side drama.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 17/06/2025 20:01

Previous posters are being disingenuous. A 'ah if your mums not ordered it yet I'm happy to get that for you' is completely different to 'l'll buy it for you, and I'll pay extra so it arrives first'. Its the arriving first thing that shows its completely motivated by one-upmanship (irrespective of the back story)

Original poster
Bringonthesun1 · 17/06/2025 19:54

ShanghaiDiva · 17/06/2025 19:31

So your in laws don’t think/believe/know that their daughter assaulted her brother?

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They do, but sil is an excellent lier

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