To ask if you've ever met up with an old friend/acquaintance and they've TOTALLY changed?

I met up with my teen crush who I'd been out with for about 6 weeks when I was 16. I'd not seen or heard off him for about 30 years and got talking on a Facebook group. He lived down South and I still lived in our hometown. We messaged a bit, and he was coming back to the local area for a flying visit and suggested we meet up. I was NOT interested in the slightest about rekindling anything but agreed.

He turned up with his DAUGHTER who he made promise not to tell Mummy he'd met another lady, proceeded to shower me compliments and how he'd missed me over the years, how his relationship was difficult etc, how much money he earned, how much business his company made, how much his new job was paying, how much his house was valued at, etc etc. I was internally laughing to myself how totally oblivious he was to how much I WASN'T interested. Still very good looking and in that respect way out my league, but BORING. He gave me a long lingering hug as he left and I immediately raced back to the car to phone my friend from school who also knew him so we could laugh about the whole thing. He then messaged me the next day to say he was moving abroad the week after and was getting married to his girlfriend because it would be easier if they entered their new country as a married couple, and apart from his Sister I was the only person he was telling (BIZZARE!).

I can't remember how, but not long after we got in a Messenger conversation about work where he criticised me in career, told me I shouldn't ever make suggestions to Management about how to do things (when I'd been working in management) and how I should leave it to people like him, and that's why he got paid so much and I got paid so little, basically that I'd never amount to anything in life. At this point I made it very clear that he could be as shallow and materialistic as he liked, but I was NOT having him criticising me like that. I wanted nothing more to do with him, and blocked him on an social media. He then got my number off another friend he'd not spoken to for a good few years, so I had to block his texts and WhatsApp. He got a new number so I had to block that too. Then got a work mobile, so that got blocked.

He eventually got HIS WIFE to contact me and express his distress that I'd ghosted him, and he was very devastated as I was such an important friend who he'd looked up to for support and guidance over the years (the 30 years we'd not been in touch since he dumped me 🤣). He couldn't make me be friends but could I please give him the reason I'd cut him off because he didn't have a clue and wanted closure. I said it wasn't up for discussion and she called me cruel and had a proper go at me, so I sent her screen shots of our messages where he'd been horrible about me and my career and where I'd told him EXACTLY why I was blocking him. Blocked her too. I haven't heard off either of them since. They're both welcome to each other. Bloody nutters.

Send him this

Oh dear OP, you've found yourself a Walter Mitty.

He’s a fantasist. Avoid.

I agree it sounds like it to me too. I feel sorry for him but OP is right not to put herself at risk.

Hi OP only you can compare to how he was when you used to know him but from an outside perspective it sounds like he is having a psychotic episode. Do you know if he has family?

Exactly what @LadeOde said. As girls, we're taught to be polite and inoffensive at all costs. You remained sitting there after all that? And now you're trying to think of excuses not to see him again? Because you couldn't possibly be rude to this strange man who is making you feel uncomfortable.

Tell him to fuck off. Balls to politeness! Block his number. If he calls from 10 different numbers, you block all 10. If you recognise his voice, you end the call. You don't owe anyone your time or your friendship.

“Apparently in all the time we'd been fb friends he hadn't realised who I were and now he was so glad to know“

Do you mean he added you to fb and forgot who you were, but then he remembered?

🤔

Erm... Steer clear! 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

It sounds as if he's mentally unwell and going through a manic episode or even psychosis.

How do you get to weird thing no 5 and still not know what to do? you need to get away from this man as fast as your legs can carry you. I'd have left the moment he mentioned his 'boss' which you accurately picked up on doesn't add up as he already told you he owns the place. Why do women give so many 'chances' when all alarm bells are ringing, telling you something is dangerously amiss? by no.5 he was putting his hands on you and you're still wondering about the dinner party invite..are you going to wait until he assaults you before you shut him down?

Hes a bit Walter Mitty and I wouldn't be going anywhere with him unless it's in public - he's a fantasist! Do you have any mutual friends who could really fill you in on what he's been doing all these years?

He doesn't sound well, and I can totally understand you not wanting to see him again after all that!

It also does sound as if, despite knowing you are gay, he thinks there is some possible romantic interest here.

Safest not to answer any calls from unknown numbers, if you can, and hope he loses interest.

Oh god, I hate it when this happens
As a gay woman myself, I've had so many straight male friends who've gone weird like this as they've got older. They either got super right wing, or into conspiracy theories during lockdown. It's so disappointing when you have to bin them off!!

I know someone like this, OP. They have paranoid schizophrenia. It's really sad. They were really smart but struggled with loneliness and created this whole alternate universe where they were really important. Lost his job, lost his friends as refused to engage with any technology or open the door to anyone.

Oh my - I was going to reply with a comment about someone I was friends with at university who was really dull when we met at a wedding a decade later. Nope - completely different scale!

Your friend sounds unwell. I would definitely dodge future meetings.

I don't even know where to start un picking this one 😂 Sorry OP, I know it's not funny but I couldn't help but laugh.

Was he definitely totally normal last time you met? Do you actually know his real name, have you ever seen a driving licence or pay slip from when you used to work together?

I'd definitely ignore and block... if you see him, pretend you don't know him!

He sounds a nightmare. Avoid!

I had a work colleague who became a very good friend. We chatted loads, used to go out for meals, cinema etc. we shared the same views on politics, liked the same books, really enjoyed each other's company.

Then I got married and moved away, he split up with his partner and moved house. This was before the internet, we just lost touch

Years later I moved back to the city where we both used to work and bumped into him completely by chance. We were both so excited, swapped numbers and arranged to meet for lunch later that week.

He had turned into a patronizing arrogant bore. He spent the whole time talking about himself, his life, his work, didn't ask me much about mine but kept referring to me as "doll".

We never arranged to meet up again.

I was thinking it was about someone being nice in the past and nasty now.

Clearly, he has some mental problems. He sounds manic and I wonder if he was always a touch so (hence being flamboyant). I would stay well away.

In my experience people don't change but you tend to realise what was driving their behaviour in the past and can accept it and accept who they are or not. Or people who were fun when you were young seem less so now because you have matured.

This person is clearly a fantasist, and it may be that when you knew him his more bizarre tendencies were just nascent, or better hidden, and you overlooked any small oddities in his behaviour because they didn’t seem important enough to register. He might be a weird narcissist who’s simply forgotten that you knew his previous ordinary self. Or it might be that he’s developed increasing mental illness, alcoholism or similar as he’s got older. Whatever it is, don’t waste time thinking about it and don’t spend any time interacting with him again, in person or online!

I'd be thinking that, at some point during the years when you weren't really in touch, he's had some kind of psychotic break and has 'reconstructed his reality' so that the break wasn't mental illness but was induced by the military to make him forget or to confuse him or something. I wouldn't call him a 'nutter', but I would definitely not make any more plans to meet. His version of reality might not be anywhere you want to spend time.

You've got yourself a nutter there op.

I'd be busy for a few days hoping he dropped it then cut him off, don't get involved with this fantasist/weirdo.