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Original poster

To ask if you've ever met up with an old friend/acquaintance and they've TOTALLY changed?

82 replies

tworoundsofwaterplease · 17/06/2025 15:24

I used to work with this person when I was at college. We both worked in a restaurant-for about 2-3 years.

We got on well, he was some 12 years my senior...he was quite loud and flamboyant in some ways but also very popular. We were Fb friends after that but haven't seen one another.

Fast forward some ten years and I have moved back to the town I worked with him in and around this time he sent me a msg on fb. Apparently in all the time we'd been fb friends he hadn't realised who I were and now he was so glad to know and can we meet up for a few drinks. I was fine with this idea as I don't know many people around here now.

We exchanged a few messages and he told me he now ran a cocktail bar in a village nearby, and was single but seeing a woman who was a regular there. We arranged for me to go into this cocktail bar for a few drinks and he told me to please never mention to her about his paratrooper background was I ever to meet her as he wanted her to like him for him, and not for being an elite soldier. This was weird thing number one as I'd never known he was 'an elite soldier' when we worked together. Anyway I didn't meet her as he changed the plan to go and meet in the city instead and 'have a few drinks by the river'.

Weird thing number 2 was he was meant to meet me at a landmark in the city but rang once already late to tell me he was going to be late as his boss had kept him behind. Boss, when he runs the place? He told me to go and get myself a drink at a nearby bar and wait for him (I didn't know this area of the city) so I found the bar and went. Weird thing number 3he turned up at the bar, some 30 mins late, with a cool box, and went into the bar to put contents of the cool box in the fridge and get some water to put in it.

I finished my glass of wine and he went back into the pub to get me another-from a bottle he'd stashed in the fridge-I found this odd but assumed he must know the owners of the bar, and it was nice of him to buy me a bottle of wine.

Weird thing number 4, we walked down to the river. I'd assumed 'a few drinks by the river' meant to go and sit in one of the pubs or bars near it but his idea was to drink from the bottles of wine he'd brought with him, he'd brought one for him one for me.

Weird thing number 5 was what alarmed me more. On the walk down to the river he kept trying to hold my hand, and while we sat by the river (on a step) he kept putting his hand on my leg.

He also talked extensively about his military career and told me that if I am ever interrogated, don't worry because he's given me false names so I don't really know anything.

While we sat on this step drinking wine, I got worried about what to do if I needed the loo-he mentioned this and then went into one of the nearby bars, returned and said that they were fine with us using the loo. I had had enough of drinking wine on a step by this point so asked him if we could go into one of the bars. He said yes, but if the one where we're permitted to use the loo, he has to pretend to be from Texas as he'd told them he was when asking to use the loo. I was bemused but helped him create a story about being from Texas. I am now thinking 'I need to get away from this weird situation' and feeling quite uncomfortable, and after paying for the drinks in this bar (I'd realised he must be skint to be carting bottles of wine about instead of going into establishments) I ordered a taxi.

He seems very excited about our friendship too and keeps ringing and messaging me inviting me to things. I ignored a call last night and then he rang me from a different number today to invite me to a dinner party on Friday, I don't want to go. I am scared I'll end up in someone's freezer.

OP posts:
Original poster
tworoundsofwaterplease · 18/06/2025 08:16

healthybychristmas · 18/06/2025 08:02

I think it's really clear that he's suffering a psychotic episode. Do you know any of his family or can you find out where they are? This happened to me with a boy from university who started university telling us about how he'd been chased on his gap year across America by drug dealers. We didn't really think much of us at that point and he had a normal first year. He came back in the second year with a completely different accent And started to hang out with this woman who was twice his age and a really rough prostitute. He ended up in hospital and left university. The nurse at the hospital I spoke to said he'd been taking drugs and I always wish I'd spoken to his father who was visiting about the things my friend had said had happened in his gap year and the way his accent had changed. I always feel really guilty about that.

I don't unfortunately. I think from the little he's said that night and in the past, that any family he has are still in India.

Before things became more odd, I'd asked about his family and he said his parents are still in India, and his brother had died of a heroin overdose. Prior to that night I can't remember him mentioning his family at all.

OP posts:
healthybychristmas · 18/06/2025 08:02

I think it's really clear that he's suffering a psychotic episode. Do you know any of his family or can you find out where they are? This happened to me with a boy from university who started university telling us about how he'd been chased on his gap year across America by drug dealers. We didn't really think much of us at that point and he had a normal first year. He came back in the second year with a completely different accent And started to hang out with this woman who was twice his age and a really rough prostitute. He ended up in hospital and left university. The nurse at the hospital I spoke to said he'd been taking drugs and I always wish I'd spoken to his father who was visiting about the things my friend had said had happened in his gap year and the way his accent had changed. I always feel really guilty about that.

Original poster
tworoundsofwaterplease · 17/06/2025 23:49

grizzlyoldbear · 17/06/2025 16:02

Oh god, I hate it when this happens
As a gay woman myself, I've had so many straight male friends who've gone weird like this as they've got older. They either got super right wing, or into conspiracy theories during lockdown. It's so disappointing when you have to bin them off!!

It's funny you have said this because in the run-up to us meeting up, we spoke about my sexuality just in the context of I said I'd moved back due to a break-up and he said he had always respected my sexuality (and to be fair, some of the other blokes we worked with didn't always). He told me that a few people had assumed he was right wing despite him being Indian because he has a bald head and looks 'hard'. I'd have never assumed he was right wing, I have no idea where he got that from.

OP posts:
Original poster
tworoundsofwaterplease · 17/06/2025 23:41

Jerrypicker · 17/06/2025 21:41

On top of all the other red flags, this sounds very red-flaggy too! Surely if you work with someone for 2-3 years, you remember them. I do. It’s not like he used to work in a cafeteria where you sometimes picked up a cup of coffee as a customer, and due to the high volume of customers he didn’t remember you.
He might have dabbled with drugs and it mushed his brain or something? Do you need this weirdo in your life?

Show quote history

I definitely don't need him in my life and I am trying to find a way to get out of this dinner party now. He totally caught me off guard ringing with a different number and when I said I couldn't come due to work he said it was fine to come very late as his friends are italian and it'll be a late one anyway!

It's sad, but he isn't my problem.
I mean, other than the weirdness, I had a nice-ish day, weather was nice, I like the city and the river and spotting all of the inconsistencies and weirdness was okay for a while-we weren't out for a long time. But not something I want to do ever again!

OP posts:
Original poster
tworoundsofwaterplease · 17/06/2025 23:33

Iceboy80 · 17/06/2025 19:34

I once had a friend who I really got on with I was in my early 20s and he was 40, he told me had a wife and 2 children and he used to come in and tell me all the problems with his wife who he adored and did everything for and his 2 children roughly my age, one was his son, I'm a stocky man and am well built and not soft but he used to tell me his son was a bouncer and would kick my arse so I used to say bring him in and we had a good laugh.

Everyday he would come in with a different story about either his wife or his children, once he even said someone attacked his son whilst he was bouncing and he was in hospital so we were all concerned but he recovered. We used to go and play snooker but he never liked us going to his home and always asked me to drop him off on the corner which I did.

I changed jobs and we lost contact then someone got in touch saying he was ill and I called him we spoke and remembered old times, 2 weeks later he died and I was broken hearted, first time I cried in a long time, I went to the funeral and when I walked up to the door of his sister my friend came out and said don't mention his family which I though was weird anyway it turned out he never had a family, he always lived with his sister and the lady he used to talk about was an old girlfriend he once dated and I assume he was making up stories of the life he wanted but never had, that broke my heart more than anything else that he lied but I was just sad he never truly got to live the life he wanted as he would have been a good husband and father.

Assuming by 'come in' you mean you worked in a bar or a shop or something?

That's very sad. Telling you these stories must've brought some comfort to him. It's sad to think that he felt he had to do that-we don't have to have a fantastic job or an ideal set-up to have meaning to people's lives.

OP posts:
ManchesterGirl2 · 17/06/2025 22:46

Fibrous · 17/06/2025 15:58

I know someone like this, OP. They have paranoid schizophrenia. It's really sad. They were really smart but struggled with loneliness and created this whole alternate universe where they were really important. Lost his job, lost his friends as refused to engage with any technology or open the door to anyone.

I wondered about this too.

EggMonster · 17/06/2025 22:44

LadeOde · 17/06/2025 16:08

How do you get to weird thing no 5 and still not know what to do? you need to get away from this man as fast as your legs can carry you. I'd have left the moment he mentioned his 'boss' which you accurately picked up on doesn't add up as he already told you he owns the place. Why do women give so many 'chances' when all alarm bells are ringing, telling you something is dangerously amiss? by no.5 he was putting his hands on you and you're still wondering about the dinner party invite..are you going to wait until he assaults you before you shut him down?

Agreed.

OP, he sounds as if he’s got significant untreated MH issues. While obviously I wish him the best, for your own safety, I wouldn’t see him again, and I would give myself a stern talking to about not ignoring obvious danger signals in future. His MH crisis isn’t your issue.

Starling7 · 17/06/2025 22:35

I hope Daisy May Cooper is reading this - that's episode one of a new series right there 😅

Jerrypicker · 17/06/2025 21:41

tworoundsofwaterplease · 17/06/2025 18:34

Yes, well that's what he said. He knew we'd been fb friends but hadn't realised who I were, had just thought we had mutual friends so he knew me. I was okay with this really, I've got a bit of a bad memory for people I don't know well or have lost touch with, can sometimes think 'hmm where do I know them from, can't remember!'

Show quote history

On top of all the other red flags, this sounds very red-flaggy too! Surely if you work with someone for 2-3 years, you remember them. I do. It’s not like he used to work in a cafeteria where you sometimes picked up a cup of coffee as a customer, and due to the high volume of customers he didn’t remember you.
He might have dabbled with drugs and it mushed his brain or something? Do you need this weirdo in your life?

ConnieHeart · 17/06/2025 19:43

When I was about 15 I really fancied my best friend's brother. I'd go red & not be able to speak when he was around. I even wrote a song about him 😳. Fast forward around 10 years, he came back to our hometown & my friend set us up on a date. I went to meet him & from a distance could see this tall skinny lanky figure with a weird hat on. He was no longer the hunk I remembered! We did get on quite well & had a few dates but he just wasn't my type after all! As it turns out my friend no longer speaks to him as he's quite nasty & a bit of a bully. Lucky escape for me!

Zoopet · 17/06/2025 19:41

Run.

Iceboy80 · 17/06/2025 19:34

I once had a friend who I really got on with I was in my early 20s and he was 40, he told me had a wife and 2 children and he used to come in and tell me all the problems with his wife who he adored and did everything for and his 2 children roughly my age, one was his son, I'm a stocky man and am well built and not soft but he used to tell me his son was a bouncer and would kick my arse so I used to say bring him in and we had a good laugh.

Everyday he would come in with a different story about either his wife or his children, once he even said someone attacked his son whilst he was bouncing and he was in hospital so we were all concerned but he recovered. We used to go and play snooker but he never liked us going to his home and always asked me to drop him off on the corner which I did.

I changed jobs and we lost contact then someone got in touch saying he was ill and I called him we spoke and remembered old times, 2 weeks later he died and I was broken hearted, first time I cried in a long time, I went to the funeral and when I walked up to the door of his sister my friend came out and said don't mention his family which I though was weird anyway it turned out he never had a family, he always lived with his sister and the lady he used to talk about was an old girlfriend he once dated and I assume he was making up stories of the life he wanted but never had, that broke my heart more than anything else that he lied but I was just sad he never truly got to live the life he wanted as he would have been a good husband and father.

Keepingongoing · 17/06/2025 19:19

Just to say all the possibilities PPs have mentioned were in my mind too…and also, possibly, homeless/ insecurely housed and looking for a woman to move in with asap?

Does sound like potential mental illness.

Original poster
tworoundsofwaterplease · 17/06/2025 19:16

Courgettezuchinni · 17/06/2025 16:03

Hes a bit Walter Mitty and I wouldn't be going anywhere with him unless it's in public - he's a fantasist! Do you have any mutual friends who could really fill you in on what he's been doing all these years?

Edited

I have thought about this but I am not sure-there's a few who I've also not been in touch with for years.

OP posts:
Original poster
tworoundsofwaterplease · 17/06/2025 19:02

riverislanjeans · 17/06/2025 15:52

I don't even know where to start un picking this one 😂 Sorry OP, I know it's not funny but I couldn't help but laugh.

Was he definitely totally normal last time you met? Do you actually know his real name, have you ever seen a driving licence or pay slip from when you used to work together?

I'd definitely ignore and block... if you see him, pretend you don't know him!

Oh don't worry, I know it is alarming but I did see the funny side to it.

didn't see a license or payslip, but I assume he'd have had to have given his real name in order to work in a restaurant even quite a while ago?
Yes, he was a little eccentric but we spent lots of time together on shift and never anything out of the realm of the ordinary. Everyone respected and liked him to my knowledge and he became management not long before I left. Nothing 'odd'.
I've got him on fb and he's on LinkedIn as well under the same name.

OP posts:
BilderbergPoop · 17/06/2025 18:53

Sounds completely deranged.

WhereIsMyJumper · 17/06/2025 18:46

tworoundsofwaterplease · 17/06/2025 15:28

I hope he didn't think it were a date! He can't have, he knows I am gay and have just broken up with a long term (female!) partner.
I meant to ask if anyone's ever had anything like this-where people they've got back in touch with have just totally and completely changed over time?

Nope. This situation has definitely never happened to me before 😂
Im sorry OP, it sounds awful but I did let out a snort at the freezer comment. Ignore, block etc!!

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 17/06/2025 18:42

He’s a serial fantasist. Lie after lie. I’d never, ever meet him again.

Original poster
tworoundsofwaterplease · 17/06/2025 18:36

Namechangefordaughterevasion · 17/06/2025 17:50

When I was in 6th form there was a girl who had been held back a year due to illness. We all had massive girl crushes on her. She was older and supercool and exotic, very attractive, a great dancer and athlete and also very nice. She was voted head girl by a landslide 2 years running.

About 4 years after we left school I bumped into her near our mutual work places. we chatted and arranged to meet up - she lived near me so I invited her to my flat for dinner. I was thrilled when she accepted. The uber cool, super popular 'Sandy Anderson' visiting MY home.

it was a disaster. She was small minded and petty and seemed to hold a grudge against the whole world. She was very critical of my flat (it was small, but it was a clean smart new build and it was all mine) and just picked at the food I served her. Any new conversation topic I started she would close down with lethargic disinterest. That evening seemed to last about 3 days and I was so grateful when it was over. I never contacted her again.

And this sounds like torture! How disappointing.

OP posts:
BeardOToots · 17/06/2025 18:34

I got talking to someone in a pub like this. After a while he told me the powerful people who stole all his inventions (Covid vaccines and AI mainly) had accused him of suffering from ‘grandiose ideation’, to try to get him locked up…
The phrase has stuck in my head ever since. Some of this sounds similar.

Crushed23 · 17/06/2025 18:34

I’m the one who has changed the most drastically I think!

As a teenager, I was depressed, shy, anxious, had crippingly low self-esteem. I hid in baggy clothes, barely made eye contact and had poor posture. Hardly socialised, never played sport. Just read tonnes of books in my room.

Fast forward 20 years and I’m confident, outgoing, love exercise & fitness, have a social life I could only have dreamed of, and I’m hot 😅 All of that coupled with my fashion sense and highlighted hair means I honestly don’t think anyone in my school year would recognise me if we walked past one another in the street (haven’t posted on FB in years and years).

Original poster
tworoundsofwaterplease · 17/06/2025 18:34

Jerrypicker · 17/06/2025 16:26

“Apparently in all the time we'd been fb friends he hadn't realised who I were and now he was so glad to know“

Do you mean he added you to fb and forgot who you were, but then he remembered?

🤔

Yes, well that's what he said. He knew we'd been fb friends but hadn't realised who I were, had just thought we had mutual friends so he knew me. I was okay with this really, I've got a bit of a bad memory for people I don't know well or have lost touch with, can sometimes think 'hmm where do I know them from, can't remember!'

OP posts:
Original poster
tworoundsofwaterplease · 17/06/2025 18:32

FarmGirl78 · 17/06/2025 17:36

I met up with my teen crush who I'd been out with for about 6 weeks when I was 16. I'd not seen or heard off him for about 30 years and got talking on a Facebook group. He lived down South and I still lived in our hometown. We messaged a bit, and he was coming back to the local area for a flying visit and suggested we meet up. I was NOT interested in the slightest about rekindling anything but agreed.

He turned up with his DAUGHTER who he made promise not to tell Mummy he'd met another lady, proceeded to shower me compliments and how he'd missed me over the years, how his relationship was difficult etc, how much money he earned, how much business his company made, how much his new job was paying, how much his house was valued at, etc etc. I was internally laughing to myself how totally oblivious he was to how much I WASN'T interested. Still very good looking and in that respect way out my league, but BORING. He gave me a long lingering hug as he left and I immediately raced back to the car to phone my friend from school who also knew him so we could laugh about the whole thing. He then messaged me the next day to say he was moving abroad the week after and was getting married to his girlfriend because it would be easier if they entered their new country as a married couple, and apart from his Sister I was the only person he was telling (BIZZARE!).

I can't remember how, but not long after we got in a Messenger conversation about work where he criticised me in career, told me I shouldn't ever make suggestions to Management about how to do things (when I'd been working in management) and how I should leave it to people like him, and that's why he got paid so much and I got paid so little, basically that I'd never amount to anything in life. At this point I made it very clear that he could be as shallow and materialistic as he liked, but I was NOT having him criticising me like that. I wanted nothing more to do with him, and blocked him on an social media. He then got my number off another friend he'd not spoken to for a good few years, so I had to block his texts and WhatsApp. He got a new number so I had to block that too. Then got a work mobile, so that got blocked.

He eventually got HIS WIFE to contact me and express his distress that I'd ghosted him, and he was very devastated as I was such an important friend who he'd looked up to for support and guidance over the years (the 30 years we'd not been in touch since he dumped me 🤣). He couldn't make me be friends but could I please give him the reason I'd cut him off because he didn't have a clue and wanted closure. I said it wasn't up for discussion and she called me cruel and had a proper go at me, so I sent her screen shots of our messages where he'd been horrible about me and my career and where I'd told him EXACTLY why I was blocking him. Blocked her too. I haven't heard off either of them since. They're both welcome to each other. Bloody nutters.

I am glad you sent her the screenshots! What a dickhead.This is the kind of story I needed! Did she not think it a bit weird that he'd never mentioned you before in 30 years then suddenly you're best pals (unless he made stuff up about you I assume)!

OP posts:
DeSoleil · 17/06/2025 17:55

The first thing that springs to mind is unmediated schizophrenia.

Namechangefordaughterevasion · 17/06/2025 17:50

When I was in 6th form there was a girl who had been held back a year due to illness. We all had massive girl crushes on her. She was older and supercool and exotic, very attractive, a great dancer and athlete and also very nice. She was voted head girl by a landslide 2 years running.

About 4 years after we left school I bumped into her near our mutual work places. we chatted and arranged to meet up - she lived near me so I invited her to my flat for dinner. I was thrilled when she accepted. The uber cool, super popular 'Sandy Anderson' visiting MY home.

it was a disaster. She was small minded and petty and seemed to hold a grudge against the whole world. She was very critical of my flat (it was small, but it was a clean smart new build and it was all mine) and just picked at the food I served her. Any new conversation topic I started she would close down with lethargic disinterest. That evening seemed to last about 3 days and I was so grateful when it was over. I never contacted her again.