To find days off with my kids almost unbearable?

I have to ask why did you have children? It’s clear you don’t like children otherwise you love the time you have off with them.

This is utter judgmental bollocks. I both like and love my children, but I don't love trying to meet the needs of both a 1 year old and a 4 year old at the same time when they are both crying (the 4yo about the fact that the 1yo is being too loud, ironically) and I am trying to cook dinner at the same time.

I relate too, OP. I was lucky that ds1 started nursery at 4. But we are nearly at the summer hols, so I guess it's too late for that for you.

Its sooo much easier if you have friends with kiddies about the same age, or if you have family nearby. Ime the people who enjoyed the early years had other adults around them. (I didn't.)

Swimming helped me a lot cause we all liked being on the water. And daytime baths are a godsend too if you are stuck for activities (or a paddling pool at this time of year.) Picnics on the lawn, plus a sandpit can be good.

Hang on in there. It will be so much easier when your eldest starts school.

The problem is that young children are always "on".

Some people think about their "me time" and that they can just chill and do nothing while their kids entertain themselves. It's a shock when they realise the children are there, and even when they play independently, you are still the responsible adult.

It's sad.

My son started getting fussy in his pushchair so I got a trike, so brilliant as he felt included and could see everything around him, since your little one won't nap in a buggy anyway it might be worth trying a trike as they can't nap in them anyway.

Get a backpack carrier (not one of those high up hiking ones and shove the baby on your back. You might find she goes to sleep or maybe not but then you aren't beholden to the pushchair and nap recusal that way. If you need a bag put a rucksack on your front.

There's enough time first thing in the morning or when you make diner and tidy up for them to have downtime.

My kids need to run around and be active. We would all go stir crazy stuck at home doing nothing.

I have to ask why did you have children? It’s clear you don’t like children otherwise you love the time you have off with them.

@saynn it is hard - I wish I had more fond memories of the under 5 years but when they were that age, there was no overlap in what they wanted to do. I recognise it’s something about me - I remember a mum saying she just couldn’t understand anyone finding small children difficult and feeling like such a failure..

My children were both an absolute delight 5 and over…we all enjoy different things. My teen is brilliant.

Fucking hell does anyone on this site actually like being with their kids at all?

you are being ridiculous, sorry.

They're kids, someone might fall out, so what. You don't push them from a cliff. They do fall at nursery, don't they?

You are making sound so much harder than it needs to be.

Maybe look for some summer groups or activities the elder one can go over the summer, where you drop them off for a bit and pick them up later, if they link in with the days off, maybe something like a swimming club or we had a city farm group where they helped with animals.

Good for them too when starting school soon

It will be easier when the eldest starts school, do they have any little friends they could do play dates with then you can just chill with the little one perhaps

I remember at those kind of ages (I had a four year gap) it was kind of a matter of planning until the next thing started (e.g. preschool, reception) and taking the little one along to things, like yours they wouldn't want to go in the buggy, perhaps wanting to be like the older one and it could be really hard work!

I would most definitely take teens over tots, I raised such funny fuckers. Still looks back fondly at the zoo and farm visits though!

I think your last point is the most relevant here. Even though you are not enjoying it, for good reason by the sounds of it, your children need their mum. This time will be benefitting their wellbeing hugely, although it may not seem like it amongst the squabbles and moaning. That is the thing when y9u have kids, you have to put them first.

It's a terrible thing now, that when it's tough going we up their nursery time, expecting paid carers to make up for time with parents.

I’m similar to you, 4 and 1, I’m home once a week by myself with them and it’s difficult. If it were just my 4 yo, it would be a breeze, but my 13 month old makes it very tricky. They have totally different needs, hard to get naps in if I plan to be out the house. House ends up a tip, which really bothers me (i cant help it, it does). Some one is usually crying😅, it’s tough. Sometimes I get sad because I wish I could have enjoyed this time with just my eldest before they start school in Sept. I understand where you are coming from, I partly enjoy being with them but mostly dread it because it’s really hard work and quite frankly not that enjoyable being a servant and cleaner all day.

just came here to say, totally understand where you are coming from, tou don’t need ideas and to be told off, you are doing the right thing for your children at the cost to yourself, your feelings are valid !

I can relate to this. I don't work (my choice and i don't take any state benefits to fund our life) andhave spent every day with my son since birth. Nothing was too much trouble, he didn't ask to be born and I want him to be a good adult. But there came a time when I couldn't progress his development without the help of kindergarten. I got to relax and he got amazing educational development. Hang in there, get them into a good school.

I actually think this is good advice although it's not the easy path in some ways. I find the days I lose my phone (literally, I'm very disorganised) are easier somehow. Nothing to pull your attention away, make you feel like you're missing out, etc.

I counted down the weeks with my second and school (had a third baby at home). Yes, it's hard and I had an older flavour of child first time round who wasn't easily pleased with usual toddler activities. I'm glad to see you're not letting the usual comments get to. Everyone has things they find hard.

Mine had the same age gap as yours. I did play group anyway. The secret is to break it down into small chunks and also wear them out.
Eg breakfast, out to park/playgroup/soft play, home for lunch, small one naps, spend some one to one time with elder child (reading, cuddles etc), then both kids do messy play activities eg water, play dough, Legos (you have to do it with them), then tv while you put the dinner on. Evening = your partner doing stuff with them - bath, bedtime stories etc while you clear up and sort the washing.
Every day needs to be like this until they can entertain themselves better. It feels like forever but it’s actually a very short time. This is what it is to have children. By the time they are eleven, it’ll all be over and they’ll be mini teenagers.

Think you need to actually read my post.

Empathy and sympathy.

Everyone has different experiences. Understanding and appreciation is universal.

Oh OP I feel you so much - I get Sunday evening blues because I have my two (2&4) on my own on Mondays and it is hectic.

At the weekend I can be fun Mum with an activity because DH can intervene when the youngest gets bored in 5 minutes, relaxed Mum who gets lunch ready while DH keeps an eye on the kids, calm Mum who is not overstimulated by two kids wanting my attention at the same time.

I kid you not, I have started waking early to meditate in the hopes of keeping my shit together on Mondays. Its not been a complete success, but I figured if I'm trying to teach my very highly strung 4 yo about keeping calm, I need to model by example. Sometimes that's just taking a moment to remind myself he'll be in school in 2.5 months or, as I worked out yesterday, in 9 Mondays...

This!

There is no way I could leave my 19 mo for two minutes without her doing something that would cause her harm unless she is sleeping and thankfully she is fussy when she wakes up so I have a warning.

I turn my back for 20 seconds, she is climbed on top of the kitchen table and is stomping on it and giggling.

Going to DS2’s school programs means sitting in the back, on the edge, or near a door because she wants to run off and explore or often towards DS2 and will scream if you stop her. I take her right out and watch from the outside.

My older two were easy baby and toddlers, so enjoyed that stage with them, they were happy to sit and play quietly for a bit and napped well while I did housework and we were able to do other things and had no issue with keeping house tidy and on top of housework, but when DS1 (he is autistic) hit about 5 he was more difficult (covid didn’t help matters either) but a bit better now at 10. DS2 is 7 and he is in the ‘why’ stage, really testing boundaries and getting upset when he is told no. The constant having to repeat myself and follow behind him almost to make sure he is getting ready for school is exhausting because he is so easily distracted ( is on the waiting list to be assessed).

Like I said upthread depends on the child’s temperament and personality on what stages parents enjoy and they don’t.

I don't find this at all. DD needs time to just play by herself at home after her nursery days, and she loves it. If I try to "force" activities or days out or whatever, we end up stressed and miserable.

Some of our best days are Fridays, just us, might walk to the park with the dog but mostly she just plays in the garden or with her dolls/fairies, entertaining herself. Sometimes she might want to watch Paw Patrol or Bluey or Tinkerbell, or play the Lego game on her tablet.

Give her that on a Friday and we can do whatever we fancy on a weekend, whether it's chilled downtime or days out.

Kids need downtime too. They need boredom.

You already work part-time, is it such a big deal?

I know MN hate them, but soft plays with different age children are perfect because they have zones for different age. During school hours you don't have the bigger kids there either.

Yearly membership to one of these attraction parks with big playgrounds, again different zones are great for days when the weather is nice.

There's loads to do. Where I live, playgroups are for pre-school children however, so a 4 year old would be absolutely fine, it's a shame they only take toddlers where you are.