To find days off with my kids almost unbearable?

Teach them to put toys away. Counting all the jigsaw pieces (do children still have those?) and the Lego etc is good counting practice. Also keep all of a toy set together and have a box for toys and a bookshelf for books (and always mend books if they are torn and make clear that damaging books is a no-no when putting them away). Als, keep toys to one room if pos. One reason I am not keen on open plan houses is that toys get everywhere and Lego is particularly hazardous!

I don't think OP said she regretted having her children did she? She's finding this current stage really challenging, that doesn't mean she wishes she didn't have children!

I do think it gets easier once they start school. September will be here before you know it and you’ll have a different routine with your oldest being in school and then your days off with the youngest should be much easier as you’ve mentioned.

This! IMO toddlers and very small children are just really really boring. Much prefer them as they get closer to teens and beyond (and luckily that’s the stage that lasts much longer than the baby toddler years)

My god honestly some of these posts are so so hard to read. You really need to remember that YOUR experience, is not the experience of others.

Some people have very laid back infants, some really don’t.

Some peoples babies and children sleep so well, other peoples don’t, and they drag them selves for years through life dealing with sleep deprivation.

Some people have a tonne of help from friends and family, some have absolutely none !

Some parents have supportive friends and partners, some don’t.

Some people are financially more comfortable than others

Some people enjoy working and find fulfilment in their careers, so they enjoy going back to work, some people not so much and prefer being a SAHM.

We all experience our children’s stages differently, do not think just because you love the 0-3 age that everyone else should.

You can be an amazing, loving, selfless mum but struggle at the same time. You can find everything so difficult and triggering for so many reasons and need to vent because ITS HARD BEING A MUM !

Some of the judgements here and blanket statements are truly vile, it’s shows an inability to reflect, lack of empathy and self centred nature.

I LOVE my kids, adore them, I’m an amazing mum, but my god I find it so unbelievably hard, I have really bad days and quite honestly don’t enjoy the 0-4 stage, but I didn’t have kids because I wanted babies, I had kids because I wanted a family, I wanted to watch my children grow, flourish and learn from them.

Remember, we all experience parenthood and life differently, because we are all different. BE KIND

You can't guess how well siblings will get on, and you can't predict the age gap.

One one side, it's easier with little ones to have just one to deal with but actually you get a lot more organised and chilled when you have several.
For example, you can be "late" because you are faffing too much with a toddler, but when you have a school run to do, you are on time.

Having an only is cheaper, obviously, but you end up with a lot more parents involvement, and a lot more organising of their social life and events.

I find it a lot easier with 4, but that's just me 😂

FFS, some people just have no empathy whatsoever.

All those saying oh its so sad, how terribly, terribly sad...catch yourselves on. I'm sure the OP's DC are absolutely fine. Some people find it tough when they're small and it doesn't mean they don't love their kids or do a great job.

OP, 4yo and 1yo is a tough stage. That's all it is. You clearly love your children and I bet you're a wonderful Mum, you're just at a difficult, frustrating stage of parenting right now. Nothing wrong with admitting that and if you can't have a bit of a vent about it on MN then frankly I think that's what's sad!

I have a similar age gap to you and I found it tough going keeping them both entertained and getting everything done that I needed to when they were little. It wasn't that I didn't want to spend time with them, it just felt like when I did it was hard to relax and enjoy it because everything was a battle. Getting out of the house, choosing an activity they'd both like, finding something they'd both eat, both of them wanting my attention but not wanting to play the same games etc. It was just a tough stage. My DC are 6 and 11 now and I adore my days off with them now (most of the time! 😂), they're great company and there are loads of places I can take them that they both enjoy.

I expected to love them, and I did. I also spent 8/9 years at home playing with them, reading to them, painting with them, cooking with them, taking them to the library, taking them to art galleries, swimming, the theatre, the cinema...and then I went back to work which was a real pain.

If you have one and hate the pregnancy and early years enough to not have another, you soon discover you get massive judgement when you admit that and you learn to not tell people.

If you could drop a 3.5 year old into my house (but with the bonding of the previous years included) I would happily do it again.

oh please

On which planet does anyone ever have kids thinking it wouldn't be actual WORK.

It's as enjoyable as you are making it, but the fake naivety is ridiculous.

It's the same with parents shocked and horrified to discover that school kids have school holidays. Yes, because in the good old days of their own school days, that didn't exist did it 😂
And non-parents have never heard of school holidays either.

Even before you are a parent, even if you stick to adult only places as much as you can, you have seen children. What exactly did you expect? Of course it's work, and when they are young, it's relentless - only the short time between the end of naps and the start of schools though

So the question is, what did you expect would happen when you decided to have children?

Ok what do you need to get done when you are at home with DC? Housework - it'll wait. Though the washing machine won't load itself it doesn't take long to stick stuff in it and then in the dryer (separate dark colours, I suppose, since no-one especially wants khaki coloured underwear etc).
Spend your time with your DC. What things have you at home that you can do together? You can paint - so you need lots of paper, and those standing easels Mothertat used to sell, washable paint (buy the big bottles in primary colours - red, blue and yellow - plus black and white, that lot will mix any colour). That's most of the morning done in artistic endeavour (and really, once they are doing it you can read a book). And you could do simple printing with potatoes, too, and show the older one how to use masks, wax resist, all sorts of lovely things. Make masks to wear, finger puppets (places like pound shops often sell kits) etc. Add interest with sparkles and other stuff you can stick on pictures/masks etc. Cook with them - scone pizzas, bread (everyone's fingers will be really clean! and the bread is nice, too!), cup cakes out of a packet with icing and sprinkles - also helps solve the 'we must eat' bit. Read to them. You must have picture story books but a trip to the library with 1 year old in a pushchair, (why let them walk?) is a great morning out. Have a picnic in the garden. Garden with them - let them have a flower/veg bed which they can help plant out, water, try to weed (watch them to stop them pulling up the veg and flowers!) etc. In summer a paddling pool and you can also take them swimming - useful as well as fun. All these are lovely things to do. The house will get a bit dusty but wtaf?
Eating - chips and fishfingers with tomatoes and peas, pizza (made by all of you) with tomatoes and some salad. Healthy stuff like yoghurt and cottage cheese. Picnics with sandwiches and fruit. By 5 o' clock they should be happy to play with some toys in the kitchen whilst you cook an evening meal. Ready for baths and more stories - you can read any number of stories to children and as long as you are interesting, point out the action in the pictures and talk about it they will stay absorbed (go for things like 'Where the Wild Things Are' etc - don't get didactic, it bores kids as well as adults). Oh, don't let them have any screens - except maybe a bit of CeeBeeBees/your favoured kids channel (have programmes you like recorded for use) when you fancy sitting down with a cuppa.
All too soon they will be 21 and graduating. Don't miss these lovely days by worrying about the housework or whether the car needs servicing or that you can't get things done because of whiney kids. They will cease to be so whiney (whining is an occupational hazard of motherhood) when you mother them and that work is the most important work that you, or anyone, will ever do.

But then why have 2? Surely if you have 1, hate it and regret it, you would stop?

Or is it easy having 1, so people have 2, then realise that 2 is way too much and they should have stuck to 1?

Asking as a childfree woman on the fence.

How do you know before you have kids what stage you like? Or the fact that one child is copeable but 2 turns into chaos etc. or you prefer little babies but 7 year olds get on your wick?.

You are basically stuck once you have them and need to make the best of it. OP could for example in a few years enjoy backpacking the world with 2 teenagers. Why is it only the young child stage every seems to think you should cherish?

I know it's not all rainbows and sunshine all the time - the other day my son started his day at 2am and didn't stop until 9pm. I get it can be hard and I get people need to vent sometimes.

But honestly the sheer volume of "I hate weekends" "I can't wait until the holidays are over" or basically every other thread being, essentially, I don't like being around my kids... Mostly regarding perfectly normal little kid behaviour. It is just getting ridiculous.

Always backed up by pages of "oh yeah it's shite isn't it, I hated it, can't you work more/put them in clubs/do anything so you're not with them as much" ... but at some point, parents need to be with their kids and find ways to enjoy/make the best of it.

Places like this can be a life line, but they can also be a very negative echo chamber and that's something I'm noticing more and more recently.

I get it OP, don't worry. Small children are hard work. I dreaded my Fridays with my son until he was about 3.5, then it got easier and by the time he started school I was enjoying them and missed them. Now he's 6 and I love a day off with him!

I look back at photos of him age about 2 now and think he's so cute and wish I'd enjoyed it more, but at the time I was so overwhelmed with not really knowing how to parent a toddler, feeling like I was doing everything wrong, the house being a tip, not enough sleep because of teething, tantrums and whining - it was all just too much. A day working was much easier, I knew what I was doing there.

I used to stick to a routine - prep nappy bag, lunch and snacks the night before, out the door by 9am, factor in something I enjoy (pick up a nice lunch, or visit a pretty garden), nap in the car and transfer to cot, then after nap a local walk and then TV until Cbeebies closed 😂We would try to do housework at weekends, but tbh it was a mess most of the time.

Ok so mine are now 20 and 18 BUT my goodness the summer before the eldest went to school was horrendous - I remember it well - mostly posting to say I hear you (and can remember it).

for what it’s worth - it does get easier - it’s only want 10/12 weeks so 24 days to endure / enjoy then it will change and you’ll have the fun of school runs and having to get the toddler out of the house (and to school if you’re all going).

I am assuming you’ve got a partner - and if so then maybe tell them how you’re feeling and try and find a way to do chores / jobs etc when they’re around and you can tag team - my husband was really kind once he understood -he would take them off to the bath / bed and then we’d clear up together once I had had a lie down and felt a little bit more sane.

all I’m saying is hang in there, it will change , I am not saying it will be easier but peak parenting for me was around 7-9 ish before hormones but try to focus on what they do that makes you smile, don’t react when they are pillocks and be kind to you x

See when I took my 2 to those kind of places it involved fighting in the car, whinging at the venue with constant wants ( no we cannot take a tiger home - eldest) and falling into a pile of horse manure ( youngest)

The falling over constantly, crying over nonsense etc.

Glad I'm shot of all that. Would never be taking more than one grandchild a time out

Also, while I think that the combination of ages here is difficult for everyone (and I am hoping it gets easier when the elder is more independent and the younger is less of a liability), they're all slightly different. I am lucky enough to have a 1yo who genuinely likes tidying up and will sit taking things out of a box and then putting them back in again. He will also, given the opportunity, nap for three hours. Also, both my children are gluttons who will spend ages having meals so I have plenty of time to tidy up most of the lunch stuff while they're still sitting there eating it. And they stay in bed till I'm ready for them to get up. If none of the above applied, I would have to totally rethink my solo-parenting-both-children strategy.

I get where you are coming from -l have toddler twins, don't work a Tuesday and the weather has made them extra cranky today. I am having low expectations for everyone today. We grabbed a few bits and bobs, then went to a local park which was somehow quiet and shady. Plus plenty of picking my battles e.g. one of them carrying a bottle of washing up liquid in the pushchair. Currently trying to use nap time to relax rather than doing chores like l often do. Probably going to put the TV on later as they are so tired so won't be up for playing -they got up about 1-1.5 hours earlier than normal today thanks to the heat and sun. It doesn't help my husband works until 830pm on a Tuesday

I'm not finding the judgemental answers on this thread that helpful and l doubt OP is... It's pretty obvious they are only young once 🙄

Part of the purpose of a site like Mumsnet is to allow people to offer each other support. Not to spin motherhood into some sort of 24/7 sugar-candy dream. Anyone with kids knows the reality is a hell of a lot more nuanced.

Do you do anything for yourself on the days off?
I always go Westfield on my day with dc
Breakfast, walk, coffee, stroll/play in hamleys
ice cream , lunch there
home, nap film

That is an absolutely ridiculous thing to say.

You can also be a great parent to one kid at a time and find the combination utterly overwhelming. I know I did!

Preach 🙌🏼

Oh don't be so ridiculous! Nobody can predict how much they'll enjoy parenting. You could have wanted DC for 20 years, give birth and discover that expectation bears no relation to reality. That's because motherhood is one of the biggest mis-selling scams going.