To find days off with my kids almost unbearable?

OP I’m going to post what I do with mine. I’m a SAHM but my eldest is usually at school but off now for break. Ages nearly the same.

-Breakfast 9am, snack 10.30 and little goes for nap during which time I throw laundry on, shower, online shop, make calls etc anything hard to do with a young toddler. I then spend time with my toddler playing/reading/TV. Lunch, then play or walk outside, hour of quiet time, tidy up (and they both have to help) dinner, then bath and bed. I then do more chores sometimes.

-My kids free play a lot!! We go in their rooms, dining room which is now a play room or living room and they can play with anything they like. I don’t play with them most of the time just supervise. Both will play independently and with each other. They are aged the same as yours, will yours play together?

-I do days out a few times a week and my youngest always has his buggy and only comes out for short periods so their different speeds aren’t an issue.

-We do toy rotations and use big laundry style baskets for toy storage so cleanup is really fast. I vaccum twice a day and otherwise get them to tidy up with me.

-my youngest hates his buggy and car seat too but tough. 5 mins in and he stops whinging. He gets positive praise once he’s settled. A snack usually helps too.

All kids and families are different - you need to figure out what works for you.

My eldest DD1 turned 4 and was week later in school - and I the fun of the stress of getting three kids out the door in morning and then getting super tired and grouchy pfb back that picked fights with siblings and me- while other people kids were boucing bundles of excited energy wanting to share their day with the person picking them up.

I also then had years of getting them home fed and then doing the support work for all of them that added as they were all falling behind on you of homework - feeding them and then getting to bed early so could do same next day - so I found those years harder. Teen years have on whole been better than expected.

My advice - accept no one enjoys every aspect of parenting - and that you are finding it hard now. Then when not tired or stressed sit down and work out what does make it easier for you on these days and do more of that.

You can't pour from an empty cup. You don't actually always have to put your kids first.

It's not sad it realistic. It's hard work. Once your oldest is in school it will get easier

I could have literally wrote this post 😩 I feel you - I work 4 days a week and often - my “day off” is by far the most exhausting day of my whole week.

"I'm bored" TV, playstation, laptop, board games, books, crafts, the park, a sibling... nope, still bored. Obviously the place they want to go to costs £££ when we've already spent £££ on days out and holidays.

"I'm hungry" Snack central, breakfast and lunch made...what else can they possibly want?!

I'm sure I was the same, I was an only child and used to get bored if I had nobody to play with so I was packed off outside.

And if add, for those who do enjoy the toddler years, it's good to remember the rest is great too. Teenagers are fantastic, so entertaining and challenging . . . And a little easier to communicate with ime . . .

Why isn’t your almost 5 year old in nursery? He should be doing half days now, then reception for full days the school year he turns 5

On my planet.

Of course you know that it's going to involve work, but not what that feels like. I usually enjoy work and feel as if I know what I'm doing. Giving birth and sustaining massive birth injuries wasn't what I expected, nor that ds1 wouldn't sleep through till 3 so that I felt permanently tired, nor that all 3 of my best friends would move away that year and leave me stranded. Oh, and did I mention pnd and my mum starting dementia . . .

I love my kids to bits and to the person who said why have a second when the first was hard work - because I knew the toddler years weren't going to last forever. I survived them and fortunately I met folk on Mnet who understood some of the struggles and offered kind words when I felt I wasn't good enough.

Whining! it is soul crushing. I was always fine coping with genuine distress and upset, all my empathy was always there and I only ever wanted to comfort them and do my best to make things ok again. But whining, oh god, it set my teeth on edge

You don’t know till you have them, simple as that. Partly because they are individual and different. Some sleep, some don’t. Some are clingy, some aren’t. Some siblings get on, some don’t. Imagine if you adopted a dog, but till you got it you didn’t know the size, breed, dietary or enrichment requirements etc. Only it’s a lot harder, the stakes are immeasurably higher, and you can’t rehome it if it doesn’t work!

you'll get different answers because every child is different, and every family dynamic different.

I was dealing with a two that were 3 years apart and the older was disabled/non verbal. (later diagnosed AuDHD)

I used to

1. confine them to the lounge/diner. i kept most of their toys in that room.
2. tidy up toys at meal times and bedtime. so we had a lunch/dinner/bedtime reset of putting toys away, they were ignored outside of that
3. drinks were all kept in non-spill cups and meals were always eaten at the table (avoiding those '20 spills a day' you seem to get...)
4. designate the afternoon as nap/quiet time for them so i could do a few chores.
5. Clean as i went while watching them in the lounge as i had the kitchen gated, and the living room baby proofed.

You have to work smarter, not harder.

It does get easier once on goes to school though, so hang in there!

I only had one as I realised that I am not a very patient person and I needed my sleep. I was also on my own so the thought of maybe meeting somene else, getting pregant and being left again was a massive fear for me. I don't think I was cut out to be a mother really, I loved some bits of it but the whining, the drudgery, the exhaustion of doing it all on my own was often a real crusher. I envy people who were better at relationships a and parenting than me but I did try my best.

I used to hate it when I had both kids alone for weeks on end, it used to drag, some days were ok but some days were hell on earth!

I've found it easier since working days, I quite often break up the week with me off, husband off and holiday clubs. Sometimes it's holiday clubs all week.

As they get older it gets easier, they are now old enough to go play out with their friends so I get a bit of respite but I'm still up and down making sure they are ok! Even now they still drive me insane because they argue or they just whine that they are bored and don't want to do anything I suggest that doesn't cost money.

I just console myself with the fact that one day I'll miss this and I will but it doesn't make getting through it any easier.

Within 10 minutes of picking them up from school yesterday I could have happily abandoned them for their persistent arguing and making a drama out of nothing. They are coming up to 8 and 10 as well!

Yes but you must realise noones coming on to Mumsnet to start a thread saying ‘isn’t parenting great, had a wonderful day today with my kids. Anyone else?’ - it’s a forum, it’s for moaning!!! In the exact same way you never see a thread that says ‘Saw some excellent parking today, look at this’ or ‘wow my neighbours are just so nice, anybody else?’ - let people vent!!!!!

@saynn I really to empathise with you. One point you make sticks out the most - one is manageable and even enjoyable but when you’re outnumbered the phase ‘one is one, two is twenty’ comes to mind. I have twins, and when they were little those days off were rough. I’m not ashamed to say I wished hours away at times!! They’re 7 now though, and life is much simpler and easier. Once they started school I kept my days off and now they’re actual days off and OP, they are glorious. Sometimes I stay in bed the entire day.

As for any practical advice getting through it - are your parents local, could they come with you on days out? Any good friends with kids for play dates to share the load a little? But feel free to moan, I remember that dread well. You can have a few moments of utter joy across those days - but then the other 6 hours have you wondering how soon is too soon for the gin. Life with little kids can be hard work but know you’re not alone in feeling like that!

I have come to realise that we all enjoy different stages, and are good at different stages, of motherhood. I found the toddler and baby years hideously hard, had to actively try to find some few moments of positivity in each day. Others love those years, not me!
Young child was an improvement, but still not fun, with the endless whining and demands and hours spent bored and uncomfortable at playgrounds, or playing mindlessly dull games invented by my offspring. Again, some people loved it, I endured it and just tried to find a few moments to enjoy each day.
Older child years however are great! They read for fun, don’t require endless input, their ‘help’ around the house finally starts to be actually helpful rather than making more
work, all the effort spent teaching them when they were younger starts to pay off, they like to do actual interesting (to me) things together like playing board games and watching documentaries, their friends are more interesting to be around, they are starting to be properly interested in the world and want to talk basic-level politics and environmentalism. Turns out this is the stage where I come into my own! No doubt this too will pass, but that’s the key: however good or bad it is, it will pass. In the meantime, find ways to make it endurable, get any help you can, and know that IT WILL GET BETTER!
Right now I am dreading the teenage years, when their brains go to mush and it all goes horribly wrong, but also enjoying the current stage while it lasts!

My original post was in reply to someone making negative comments about taking the children to activities and stating that children must stay home being bored.

I couldn't disagree more.

Even during the lockdown, which was horrendous, but thank god we were in England and allowed to go outside without restrictions which was better than nothing.

Saying that it's hard staying home brings my answer: yes it is, that's why I don't stay home!

Which is great for you and your family, but you're posting as if that's how all families should be.

Some people don't find it easier to take the kids out. Some kids don't want to go out. Some are perfectly happy playing in the garden, digging in the mud, helping you plant up or water.

Some need "more". Not all do. Everyone, every child, every family is different. And it's absolutely ok for one mum to LOVE doing those things with their kids and another to find it really hard work and not enjoy it.

Calling other mums "ridiculous" because their experience and feelings are different to yours is just plain mean spirited.

It happens every time someone says they find it difficult.

“Omg, you must hate your children if you don’t like it all or cherish it all.” 🙄

It is stupid to assume not liking a stage means you hate your children.

This is very true. You often see working parents repeating the cliche “I do all that a SAHM does and also work full time” and I always think: that doesn’t make any sense. I used to work FT with kids and now I’m a a SAHM and it is very very hard work in comparison with having them at weekends and evenings only. I know it’s better for them to be with me and I enjoy it despite how hard it is (otherwise I would when gone back to work) but I get its not for everyone.

The combination of an 18 month old and 4 year old I honestly found the most difficult - even worse than any newborn phases. Well done for surviving! It gets better!

I loved the younger years just as much as I like the teens years. Maybe because I was an older mum, so didn't feel like I was missing out on anything, we just slowed down and did things around the kids for a few years.

The key was to get as busy as possible, but kids-busy. Not trying to squeeze young children in my child-free life, that never works.

Back to normal life once they are at school, and you can easily take turn to go out evenings and weekends.

No judgement...I hated it and remember the feeling of dread well...