To find days off with my kids almost unbearable?

but a lot of people say it.

Parents relentlessly complaining about weekends with kids and school holidays IS definitively a thing.

Parents are already complaining about the summer holidays - and we still have more than a month to go in England state schools.

If someone starts a thread on a public forum with the title: spending time with their kid is "unbearable", posters have not only the right to disagree but to post to express their opinion.

Yep agreed. Saying unbearable about your children is just not ok hence the lack of agreement with what is being said.

No one is saying having kids at home is the worst thing in the world. They're acknowledging it's hard work.

You loved it. Great, good for you. OP finds two at once hard work and is struggling with that at these ages. She's allowed to have a different experience to you.

At some point, you will have found or will find something hard or not like/d it. Let's hope that people who loved it are nicer to you than you've been here.

No one has said that kids should be sent to nursery and school 365 days a year though? So that isn't true either.

I hated the baby stage, I fail to see why that means I shouldn't have had children. I had no idea that I'd hate it until I actually went through it and even if I knew I would've hated it, the baby stage is a short period of time thankfully.

They weren't in during COVID, because COVID, and many places didn't bother starting them up again.

I have a 3.5 year old. No NCT for us. Likely none for OP with a 4 year old either.

These ages are hard work, and if there's even less support these days, you can't be surprised that people are finding them tough.

Also, just because "everyone knows kids are hard work", doesn't mean that people aren't allowed to say it's hard at any point they may be feeling it.

I think there may be some rose tinted glasses going on from posters whose children are much older and who have forgotten what it’s actually like.

That's what I have a problem with. It's unfair to pretend that ALL parents find their kids unbearable, hate baby and toddler years, and like nothing else than getting rid of them. Not true. No rose tinted glass needed.

Also annoying is parents who can't do anything but complain and hate weekends and school holidays- that's where the question comes up, why bother having kids if the thought of having them home is so painful?

MN is a funny place. On a thread about boarding school, everybody screams in horror at neglectful, selfish and nasty parents (just read the threads, the level of vitriol is insane)
but at the same time pretend that having kids at home is the worst thing that could happen, and kids should be sent to nursery and school 365 days a year.

I know where you are coming from OP I felt similarly at points. I’m out the other side of the preschool years now and I weirdly only really remember the good bits of that period. I sometimes yearn for the toddler years even though at the time it was ridiculously stressful.

I think there may be some rose tinted glasses going on from posters whose children are much older and who have forgotten what it’s actually like.

Your nearly there OP the oldest will be in school very soon and then life will hopefully be much easier.

NHS used to do the same classes, and they were free. I don't know today, but less than 10 years ago they were still on.

I think a lot of SAHP don’t enjoy 90% of it - because young children are sometimes a harder slog than being at work and it feels never ending.

I sincerely hope it's not true, because if it's that unbearable with their own kids, what could we expect from nursery workers, child minders and nannies who spend 8 or 10 hours with children that are not even theirs!

If it was that painful with your own, can you imagine how bad childcare set ups would be?

In real life, thankfully, a lot of parents actually enjoy spending time with their children, even if it's not a ridiculous fairy tale and not everything is perfect and easy.

Yet a couple of generations ago.there want this idea of always going to " kid friendly" places. Majority of the time the kids had to fit in with the adults.

NCT classes are really for middle class mummies to meet other middle class mummies. How many people on a large council estate tend to go to them. Not sure these days but they used to be pretty expensive if you were on a normal working class job wage

genuinely?

No one has an instruction manual, but the trauma of birth, physical and mental exhaustion, is pretty common knowledge?

The fact that it's relentless, that your life has to revolve around kids for a few years, that you have to spend time in kids friendly places which are frankly hell on earth 😂
Obviously there are more positive than negative, or we wouldn't bother having kids and on the whole it's fabulous to have kids, but who can pretend it comes as a shock that it's exhausting, expensive and your priorities have to change big time.

If it was that easy, rich people wouldn't need full time nannies, night nannies, holiday nannies...

Knowing that the nursery years are the easiest - they might be expensive, but at least they open pretty much every working day of the year.
Primary school is HARD for working parents -unless you have family babysitting on tap.

And secondary and teenage years bring different challenges.

It's just that the more prepared you are, the less difficult it is - you start with NCT classes for the birth but nothing is a big shock?

Yes this. It’s so hard, being told to cherish every moment is really not helpful! I’m sure OP loves and cherishes her children while also finding days on her own with them bloody hard work. Both can be true at the same time.

Hang in there OP. It will get easier in September ❤️

"we all knew what we were going for" genuine question, how did you know?? I certainly didn't.

My first is only 18mo, I'm about to have 2 under 2, the last year has been the hardest of my life, sure I'd seen other people's kids but not really the behind-closed-doors, bawling-my-eyes-out, absolutely-not-coping parts ... I even read some of these threads and I just don't think you can really compute what it would actually really be like until you've been there.

I certainly would have liked this crystal ball some people seem to have anyway ... or at least an instruction manual 😬

I do all this whilst my youngest naps or he goes in his play pen. Can your eldest not be trusted to be in the living room for a moment whilst you do this stuff? Would a baby monitor help?

What is your actual problem? At what point are you going to lay off the OP?

clearly op is having a tough time and reaching out to people to see if they have similar experiences, and instead of just moving on because you don’t, you are behaving like a child.

not everyone likes their children all of the time, it doesn’t mean they don’t love them. And OP is just having a tough time due to having two at home at once. Is there anything she can do about it..no probably not…but is it a crime for her to be feeling like it is difficult and she isn’t enjoying it, well no absolutely not.

@saynn you are doing what you can, and there are only a couple more months to go until it will be just two of you and things will ease up. In the meantime, I hope you manage ok and that if you think it is more than just being a bit stressed that you maybe speak to someone about it in case you’re having a bit of postpartum depression after the second one (fwiw it seems like you are having a totally normal bunch of feelings right now though)

This is lovely. And I think "it isn't as bad as all that" could be a phrase to bear in mind when things are hard with small children.

I’m not one to comment as I’ve always only ever worked full time but I wonder if it’s worse because you’re PT?? As in, you’re bouncing from work to Sahm and back to work again. I wonder if the kids are a bit over excited that you’re around each time weds rolls around and they’re possibly acting up

YANBU.. I think a lot of SAHP don’t enjoy 90% of it - because young children are sometimes a harder slog than being at work and it feels never ending. Even just one child can be hard in some ways - because they don’t have the distraction of a sibling for better or worse.

Imo you get through it by knowing you are doing it for your children’s sake (because afaik studies have shown a home environment rather than nursery is the best for most children under 3 and where they are happiest - except sometimes for children from deprived households); and for that 10% of times when your children do something new for the first time or experience something wonderful that you’d miss out on seeing if you had to be at work - that’s what keeps you going. That and knowing they’ll go to school in a few years 🤣

do you have any friends that are in a similar boat? I have Tuesdays and Fridays with my 3 and 1 year old and on Tuesdays theres a group of 5 of us that met during baby classes that meet up every week. it’s chaos but at least we’re together to help each other and the kids play! It is HARD I’m always completely done in after a day with them both!!

I really empathize..when mine were a baby and 3 and 1 and 4 I really feared my day off with both and always rewarded myself with a gin at the end of the day. At some point I noticed that I was often not having the gin as it hadn't been so stressful!

@laesosalt

yeaaaaaaaah it is.

@Cherrytree86 Nahhhhhhhhhh ☺️

@laesosalt

ignore this OP, it’s dismissive and minimising

I totally get that. I just think a bit of one on one might make your eldest feel special, and like a bit more of a grown up, and then he might be more understanding of you needing to sometimes do things more suited to his sister.

It's absolutely not the same thing, but we got a puppy (for DD, our old dog died and she missed having a dog, but adult dogs and puppies are very different kettles of fish) and DD started being naughty, because more attention was on the puppy. Started doing more "one on one" things and talking about how she's a big girl and she needs to help mummy with puppy. Worked wonders.