To find days off with my kids almost unbearable?

Don't try and get anymore than the bare essentials done. Batch cook at the weekend/during the week or do a really easy, basic dinner on these days.

With the walking, use a buggy or a scooter for the slow one.

Make sure you get an hour to sit down in the middle of the day by having nap/quiet time. Or use TV if necessary.

Have a plan for the day, this helps massively. If you can keep this consistent week on week that will really help as once you/they know the routine it'll run far more smoothly. It's a bit like Groundhog Day, you iron out the creases over time!

Yes, it's really hard with that age gap and I can see why you're not enjoying it. Ours are also 4 and 1, and they are in nursery full time because DP and I are both working. But that means that it's not the norm for one of us to have to look after both together and if we do, it's only enjoyable if we're not also trying to get stuff done, or if we plan it with military precision. When DP goes away I tend to get up earlier so I can set up breakfast and anything else I want to get done in advance, and I either cook for the next day after they've gone to bed, or we have something really easy that I know they'll both eat. If the older one needs a bit of space from the younger one we let him eat on his own as a picnic in the garden. Luckily the little one has a chunky (up to 3 hours!) nap after lunch so that's when the older one can get more one on one attention and I can get some housework done, sometimes with his 'help'. We're also lucky that both are okay at playing on their own for short stretches, and we set up the big one's stuff like jigsaws, lego, drawing etc. on a higher table so he can do that without toddler interference. Finally, I think the younger one ends up in his buggy a bit more if we're out together than he would if his older brother wasn't there - otherwise it's hard to handle two running off in opposite directions.

I reckon the housework is kind of a red herring - it wouldn't be done during the day if you were able to work full time, so it can get done in the evenings/weekends just as it would if you were at work, and your partner, if you have one, can also do some.

Is the eldest not in nursery on your days off?

Dreaded soft play? I used to go two morning a week over the summer when toddlers wasnt on

Okay so...

Is the dread that you cant do house work or that you dread spending time with your kids?

Asking so I can attempt practical advice

This is really sad 🥺 I found the balance between working and days off with the kids such joy (I’m now a SAHM). I hope you can see the positive impact you are having on your children by spending time with them mid week. You are so lucky to be able to do this. The housework can wait, just let your patient side come out and see the joy in the little things ☺️

They are only this little once ❤️

I would give up on getting stuff done. I focused on having a routine on days off when they were young.
So up breakfast and then toddler group. Home for lunch and nap (or park and pack lunch so younger one naps in buggy)
Then afternoon activities at home or in garden.

I felt exactly the same as you, hence going back full time! They love nursery, we get more money, more pension etc and I look forward to spending time with them and DH at the weekend when we can take one kid each if necessary!

🙁

Go back to work FT if its such a crock of shit...

More money and you'll be able to retire early (higher pension contributions)