To find days off with my kids almost unbearable?

Christ @saynn youve been given a hard time here. Totally understand and that age gap is hard to meet both of their needs. The best advice I could give is to split them up. Could you put one in nursery and extra day each? For example Tuesday baby goes to nursery and you have a day with eldest, Thursday eldest goes in, you have baby. I bet you’d actually enjoy spending time with them individually. Appreciate that Costa money tho.

I think that is a Hard age for it. They have different needs at 1 and 4 as well.

I definitely don't judge as I increased my 3 Yr old to 9 til 3 daily from mornings even tho I could have collected her some days earlier. As I also found it a slog

But. There have been times I enjoyed the days of park plays etc

Do you get enough socialising into your data ?! I mean I'd just try and massively fill the time with meeting up with other mums and kids and being out most of the day

Have you posted about this before OP or another similar mum has written something very similar!

Are you able to put 1 year old into nursery/childcare for an extra morning on either Wednesday or Thursday? Then when your 4 year old starts school you’ll have a morning once a week by yourself to chill, have some time out.

What is the rest of your week like, do you have a partner? Are you having any me time in the evenings? I feel like having a social life and having an evening to myself really helps set the week off straight.

I also do think it’s not realistic to not do any housework on the days you do not work :( I work part time too!

I would get them to help with all of those things. They will be done slower but it will fill the time

I just want to add that because my DP and I both work full time and both sometimes go away for work (or pleasure!), we both know how relentless it is looking after both kids together and we make sure we lavish praise and gratitude on the other whenever she has been doing it. So please do make sure your partner knows how much effort it is!

That’s sad to read.

Don’t try and do household stuff on those days. Devote them to the children as though that’s your job.

I often think I’d love to go back and have my children that age again. Just for a day mind, I’m not insane 😂

Yeah i totally get you OP. I have a day at home with my toddler midweek, she is in the bloody depths of the terrible twos and it is without a doubt the most difficult and exhausting day of the week. Doesn't help that I'm pregnant and absolutely shattered myself. So i view it as a "cheat day." Easy meals, stories, TV if you need it, absolutely no housework or tidying that day. Bribes to get in the buggy/wash hands or whatever. Many snacks. If I keep her fed and the tantrums to a bare minimum I feel like it's a win.

I am not surprised OP. I was SAHM for a while and it is a myth that you get to catch up on housework and have downtime, certainly if you have more than one. I often used to envy FT parents getting a 30 min lunch break. I also was working til about 10pm at night to get organised for the next day and beyond. It was frustrating hearing FT workers implying they were the only ones that were busy 24/7. Minding a 1 yr old for an extra 8 hours is an occupation, that's why we pay so much for childminders. All that said, it gets much much easier as they get older and beyond the toddler years.

Try to prep dinners or snacks or whatever the night before same as you would do if you were working all day. Set up play areas and activities in advance and let them play they shouldn't keep making you play with them, the whole point is they play themselves.

It might be worth doing out a routine, the 4 yr old is old enough to understand this. Allocate time for quiet time when baby sleeps and 4 yr old has to leave you alone for 30 mins or so. You can get your bits at home done then and have a 10 min break too. Also don't be afraid to be firm with them, at almost 5 they are capable of leaving you take a break. Free play, art, snack, outdoor time, lunch, nap & quiet time, free play, garden etc etc.

Also don't feel guilty. There is a reason women mostly decided to move into the workforce. Being at home with kids is really difficult. Many parents who do PT (in my experience) find kids act up way more with them than they would at childminder or with SAHM.

Thats sad to be honest, it's hard yes but like anything in life it's what you make of it. Lower your expectations on what you're wanting to achieve outside of childcare and try and have some fun. You'll miss them when they're at school every day or you're at work full time.

It's hard work being a mum! I guess it's about giving them the best day you can, and if that means forgoing chores then so be it. I do get where you are coming from though.....

Oh god yeah that age is awful. It will eventually get better x

I hear you. I found that stage very difficult with two, and you have a particularly tricky age gap (just now - it won’t always be like this). Moan away.

Same. I don’t like the judgment either.

It often depends on the child’s demeanour and personality. It’s as if some forget that children have their own and sometimes it doesn’t gel with yours or their other sibling and it makes things more difficult, doesn’t mean you don’t love or enjoy some things with them.

@SUPerSaver721 Yikes! Never said to cherish every moment. I’ve got 3 under 5, they are supposed to make noise and be children.

This makes me sad, I'm the opposite, dread work days haha.
You definitely need to change your expectation, the reason you're not working on these days are to look after your children, not for other chores although agree these do need to happen.
Find an activity or group you can take them both too in the morning, everyone up, breakfast and out the house. Home for lunch then children will likely nap of at least have quiet time while you get a bit caught up then another activity in the afternoon, walk to the park or something.
Please try to embrace it, these years pass so fast 🙃

Get a routine for your days off.
how do you spend the weekends?

It's hell being at home with wee ones. I hate the judgement from pp it's lovely and you should cherish every moment. They are only young once. Honestly it's hard with a 1 and 4 year old. The whining used to get to me aswel. I used to wish I was still at work.

Here as a mum of twins to make you realise it could be worse .

1. Two outings a day, morning and afternoon
2. Slower walker in a pram, and/or you go somewhere contained so elder can hare off (safely)
3. Forget about housework
4. Meals - sandwiches with cucumber sticks, make the evening before. Even better if they'll sit for a picnic out.
5. When younger one naps older one watches a little TV and you zone out too / browse your phone / do a chore.