To find days off with my kids almost unbearable?

YABU

you just need to get organised. But in the same way you wouldn't have the kids home when you are working, why would you want to spend hours doing chores anyway

Let them entertain themselves for 1 hour in the morning when you get your chores done. Then out for the day, or at worst come back for lunch, then go out again in the afternoon.

Come home for diner, let them play independently when you are doing that and cleaning after.

Bath, bed. Wizz around the house so it's clean and tidy when you wake up tomorrow.

Done.

It's such an easy age, when any outing can turn into an entertaining day out. They get more fussy when they get older.

It will pass, they grow up. As you had said one will be in school soon.

So much judgement on this post! I can't be bothered to scroll back and quote but I think the mother of twins that commented needs to have a think. It's widely known that twins are hard work so of all people you should understand rather than judge someone with two children at very different stages which clearly isn't your experience!

OP I have the exact same ages and it is tough, you have one capable little person who wants to do things the little one can't, and another who might be destroying everything in reach 🤣. For me personally I get frequent feelings of overwhelm and then I try to fill my cup, we go outside to a space where they can both be safe and play, or ill try and get one job ticked off my list like an errand to make myself feel like I'm achieving something. Have you got the littlest going on a scooter or balance bike yet?

You can share your dread with me. I only have 1 day off a week with my 2 year old and 4 month old. It’s so exhausting and stressful, appreciate it’s largely due to very small age gap so hoping it’s gets a little easier. I can’t really leave the house much with both of them on my own cause my eldest is so little , it’s a safety concern going anywhere. I look forward to my days when the eldest is in nursery. I love them more than words can say but some people just aren’t meant to be SAHMs. I’m one of them. I’m too over stimulated and knackered.

What sort of stuff are you trying to get done? Are you viewing it as a “day off work” rather than a day doing work of a different sort?
I wouldn’t be aiming to get any sort of deep clean or anything you wouldn’t achieve while at work, maybe hang a wash up and put it away but other than that it’s just the stuff that comes with kids during the day and the chores generally need to wait until bedtime:

@littleorangefox I just wanted to say I totally get this. I've seen quite a few comments both on this thread and online in general about just forgetting about housework and I could never, ever do that. I have 4 children aged 5 and under and there's not a chance I could just let the house fall to shit. It's a constant cycle during the day of keeping it relatively clean and tidy and needs done to avoid having even more work to do in an evening when they all (finally) go to bed. We already end up doing stuff until 9/10pm to put the house back together and get ready for the next day

This is so true. I'm about as far from houseproud as you can be, but there are certain basics that just HAVE to be done for basic hygiene and safety. Laundry, making food then clearing it away and washing up, clearing up the 20 spillages every day, tidying up enough so that the house isn't a literal safety hazard and we actually have some space to walk around. (And making the children tidy up is just as much work as doing it yourself, so whilst I appreciate the comments about getting children to help with tidying... it's good for their long term development, but in my experience it doesn't make it any easer).

And with toddlers, they'll often be making more mess while you're cleaning up the mess they've just made!

I have 2-year-old twins. Nursery is too expensive; it's not worth me working, so I'm a SAHM. We're unlikely to get spots in any nursery when they get some funding at 3, as they're so oversubscribed and so many have folded.

You have my empathy and sympathy, OP.

I do too. I don’t feel guilty though for not liking a certain age or stage.

People come here all the time saying how they hated the baby stage because their babies did or had xyz, and were happy when they reached the toddler stage, some weren’t keen on the toddler stage and were happy when their children were in school and could communicate their needs better.

It’s ridiculous to make rude comments about not enjoying/ liking certain stages.

Join a gym with a creche. I did this, some days I put them in the creche and just had breakfast to myself!

You sound like you need a proper routine!
Write one out that works for everyone, and include stuff that you enjoy, and the kids enjoy.
Focus on quality time, especially with the oldest before he goes off the school.
Try to get out daily, but go somewhere your runner can run once you get there, and implement proper rules for the walking (give him a place he can run to, like the next lamppost, he has to stop when you say, otherwise he has to hold the buggy and can't run at all).
Also incorporate some independent activity time where you can leave them to play and you get what needs done done, stuff like duplo, play kitchen, jigsaws etc are fab for this, where you can set it up, start them off and then leave them - if they come to you, redirect them back to the activity and space, and let them know when you'll be back with them. You could also do some arts and crafts time (in the garden if possible?), where you do the same.
You could also try implementing quiet time, especially if the little one doesn't nap any more - half an hour or so in their own rooms, with books or quiet toys. This will either allow you to have time to do jobs, or just sit down and chill.

Is the oldest not in nursery 5 days a week? This is very normal for 4 year olds where I am, even if it's just mornings or afternoons.

Another crock of shit. I only started enjoying being with my child when they were older. I really don’t miss the baby / toddler years at all. I cannot relate to people who get sad about ‘how quick they grow up’. I’m all for it!!

I don’t know, don’t you think you will miss some of the super cute things they do? I have a 4 yo, almost 2 yo and a newborn. At home with them all the majority of the week minus 15 hours the oldest of at nursery.
It is hard, I give you that. I don’t enjoy the whinging, the mess, the refusing to eat food I’ve spent ages cooking but I off set it in my head with all the amazing moments I have with them. If anything, the older one now being 4 almost 5 has shown me their little year FLY by. I’m already mourning them!!

i know it’s hard it really is, I do think a bit of what would help is about how you frame it

See I find posts like this useless.
So what is everyone going to wear? Where will clean clothes come from if someone doesn’t do the laundry?
you suggest going out for the morning and coming home for lunch. Is the lunch magically going to appear? That will need to be made with a 2yo who is already hungry and probably clinging to you.

op I get your frustration and I’m PT but have afternoons with my 2.5yo. I loathe it. She doesn’t nap that much and it’s barely time to do anything. She wants constant interaction or is just whining. She doesn’t play by herself for a second. And I have stuff piling up. I can swan off for the afternoon but then dinner doesn’t magically get made and dishes done.

We are extending her to full days from Sept for 3-4 days a week. I think she will benefit so much more at school. Doing toddler groups isn’t interesting for her because it’s kids of different ages and randoms, while all her friends are at school. She’s bored, I’m sick of it and roll on September.

Multiple children to one adult is often challenging - maybe some people are lucky and have naturally pretty chill/compliant children who play nicely together. But if you have "boisterous" or "challenging" children whose idea of playing together always seems to end up with one or both screaming/crying/injured, then it's tough. Two children with an age gap and conflicting needs - you can never meet those needs at the same time and in the same way as you could if there was just one of them. I help my friend with her two boys, now older 5 and 8, and tbh when you just have one of them at a time it's like a holiday compared to both together, and it's better than it was.

fully agree with this

I'm well past this stage with mine but I can still remember how relentlessly hard it was. Don't be hard on yourself!

@Cornflakes44 I’m sorry but if you’re wishing time away when you are with your children two times mid week and working the rest… 🤨

I just wanted to say I totally get this. I've seen quite a few comments both on this thread and online in general about just forgetting about housework and I could never, ever do that. I have 4 children aged 5 and under and there's not a chance I could just let the house fall to shit. It's a constant cycle during the day of keeping it relatively clean and tidy and needs done to avoid having even more work to do in an evening when they all (finally) go to bed. We already end up doing stuff until 9/10pm to put the house back together and get ready for the next day.

Unfortunately, I have no advice although I saw you weren't looking for any and just wanted a rant. I get that too. I too, don't particularly enjoy the times when all of my children are home. Two of them are at school but even the 2 younger ones (almost 3 and almost 1) are a huge handful. Just going out and about isn't really an option either because we need to use the car for everything and getting 4, or even 2, in the car with all their stuff to go do anything is like a military exercise. And don't even get me started on the constant whinging, bickering, wanting attention, needing fed 😂 I'm tired 😂

Oh and my almost 3 year old stopped napping at 18 months and the baby doesn't really enjoy it much either 😬

I know you mean well but I personally hate it when people say, they’re only little once. It really feeds the guilt I feel when I’m struggling and wishing the time away.

That is such a difficult age gap, two really tricky ages where they both want and need different things at different times, and you can't ever take your eye off the younger one. Mine were the same age gap, and that stage was the WORST. Add in this heat (which I am terrible with), and every single day was an exhausting drag. My DH used to come in and find me collapsed in an armchair barely able to speak from exhaustion most days 😂My two are both extremely wilful, so for example, taking them anywhere outdoors that wasn't confined with a fence was a nightmare as they would both take off in different directions, and trying to get them to stay together/walk in the same direction as me was physically and mentally exhausting and always ended in at least one of them screaming and crying.

If there are any forest schools where you are, I found them to be pretty good as the 4 year old can mostly go off and do their own thing within the bounds of the grounds, while you stick by the little one.

It'll get easier when the older one is in school. It's only 2.5 months - hang on in there!

the sort of mess the children can make isn’t sustainable in terms of ignoring it all day. Otherwise I’d be breaking my neck on toys.

This is actually easily sorted, children and babies can tidy up, they choose not to. I wish i had this life lesson when I was a SAHM but I work in childcare now and I do not bend down and pick up a toy ever because the children have to do it. Thats the rule, if you dont tidy it you will not be allowed play with it next time. A baby can't sort out stuff but can retrieve something if you hold out the right box. The 4 yr old can tidy up as well as an adult, you might just need to wipe down or whatever afterwards. They will moan and cry and say they can't do it but I can guarantee they can unless there is SEN. If you can master this you day gets a lot easier but expect a few difficult days at the start. Reward charts and a special song playing help but honestly, the 'fine I'll take it away then..' technique works every time if you follow through for 1 day.