To find days off with my kids almost unbearable?

I don't know why people are being mean!
Mine are 4 and 2 and after a weekend solo parenting while my husband was away I almost wrote this exact post!

I think my tips are:

• lower standards (cleaning, healthy eating, TV etc)
• go outside more (park, garden if you have one). Particularly I like eating outside as then I don't have to clean up.
• see other people (book in play dates with friends with similar aged kids, see family etc)

See mine are all adults now and I DONT look back at their younger days with find memories.

The fun but started when they were teenagers. Found that much more enjoyable and interesting

It's really difficult. I find it very stressful at weekends trying to keep dc entertained while trying to tidy the house. It feels like im constantly cleaning and tidying because it keeps getting wrecked. Add to that preparing meals, drinks, outings. It's exhausting. You don't get any break. I hear that it does get easier as they get older and I know I will miss them being little but it is hard. I find being at work a holiday compared to being at home with dc!

Too many children do 12 hour days during the week then at the weekend there is no day "off" because their parents feel the need to take them here there and everywhere.

Because it's so much easier to take them somewhere, that's why!

Kids get bored at home, I get bored at home!

Plus when you are out entertaining them all day, no guilt for letting them play independently for 1 hour or 2 while you get on with other things. And they get tired and sleep better.

The best time with my kids that young were to take them away on holiday. It's so much easier when there are so many different things to do and explore. I can't think of anything worst than staying home with kids all day. Of course they'll fight and make a mess then

I don't have 2 but what I found grounding during stressful times was spending 5 minutes the night before planning what one thing was going to go well tomorrow.

Whether that was as simple as not showing my frustration during bath time (which was always a fight), getting dressed (always a fight) or being ready on time (always hard so picked an activity that didn't need that).

I would also pick one activity I hated (like make believe play 🙄) and do it for a specific time e.g. 15 mins BEFORE something more fun.

It gave me a sense of control in the chaos and a focus.

I'm not saying this will help you enjoy it, but having a manageable focus and time limited slots to do things in may help x

small kids are hard work

This is great advice… it’s all about feeling torn.. once you’re all in playing with them a bit and doing stuff more slowly - irritation drops a bit .. hard exhausting age!

Being a parent is damn hard and we all experience it differently. It’s even harder when doing your best when you’re struggling isn’t good enough and you have to pretend you love all of it all of the time. No wonder postnatal depression is so common.

It’s hard work.
I used to grumble about having no time to myself and how draining it can be entertaining them and getting things done that need to be done. Only so much swimming, soft play, feeding the ducks, and watching the trains one person can take.
But I understand the “cherish it” comments too though. As a parent of an adult and older teen you do tend to look back at the early days with fond memories and nostalgia. It’s a bit like the school days are your best days trope, teenage angst was the worst but we all look back and wish we could have the freedom again!

This phase of your life will soon be over, you’ll hopefully survive the tween and teen years and then you’ll be presented with your very own rosy glasses and you can tell all the newer mums to enjoy their time because it’s stupidly short. But whilst you wait for that, there is always wine.

Oh this definitely. I had 2 with a 3.5 year age gap. My days off were hell. And yes all the people saying it's only a short time they are so little and I think " well thank heavens for that"

You are quite allowed to hate it.

I hated it. got both of mine in ft childcare asap. was never a fan of having them at home by myself during the week. but then me and my ex were lucky enough to be able to afford it. i know not everyone can.

thanked my lucky stars once i was able to go back to work!!

It's so so hard. You are in a really hard phase.
I have made some changes which make me enjoy it more, these work for me and not saying they are right or wrong:

1. We are screen free 95% of the time. Even though I know I could get lunch ready while they watch bluey or whatever, I found their behaviour in general was so much better if they have no screens at all. It deregulates my kids and it might buy me 30 mins but I've really it's not worth it (appreciate many kids can manage this fine but mine are way less resilient and able to play after tv).
2. Same goes for me. I do my absolute best to not check my phone when with them. I would never sit on my phone for ages but I was always checking emails, replying to a message, ordering something we needed. This causes dopamine spikes that make it harder to switch back to focusing on them. Honestly I thought I wasn't on my phone much but this has helped me so much. I put it in a drawer now.
3. The more I sat with them and played and read etc(ignoring the mess on the floor, laundry, dishes) the better they got at playing by themselves or with eachother. I actually started to enjoy it too.
4. Purely practical but I always made packed lunches the night before whether or not we were going out, just to make it easier.

I just wanted to say I empathise. I own my own company, had to go back to work when baby was 4 months but I had no choice. I decided to do 4 mornings a week, and felt so sorry for me and my baby. Honestly, going to work has felt like a break.

I miss him and love him to bits, but I do find keeping him going quite hard work! We tend to meet up with friends one afternoon a week, that whizzes by. But all baby groups near me are in the mornings. If I go out for a walk, he sleeps, which I can't have all afternoon. Every toy lasts a few minutes before he's bored and whinges. It's a long old afternoon!

It is hard.

Would it help to have a plan in advance? Only saying because it helped/helps here. So list all the options - swimming, city farm, soft play, museum with toddler bit, library, playground, woodland, beach, whatever. And at home activities - orchard board games, gardening, cooking, drawing, kids magazinrs etc (yes, most of these are going to be approximations with kids that age) Make a schedule for the next three weeks for days off and print it off with lots of nice pictures. Takes away decision fatigue for you and might make the kids less stressed?

So instead of facing 12 hours of what the hell do we do it's (eg) breakfast - walk to Activity A - lunch out - walk back - Octonauts magazine with 5 year old while baby naps - play shopping list - telly for both - dinner - zoomies while you hang on until bedtime - bath - sleep. All planned in advance so they hopefully accept it as just what happens

Some of this I don’t understand - putting the washing in etc.

If you can’t put a load on in 2 minutes, what on earth is your washing routine? You can absolutely leave a 5 year old and 1 year old in the kitchen with you for the 2 minutes it takes to bung a load on or wipe the counters. Lower standards and just do the essentials when they are there. Firefighting, not anything more.

People suit different stages. That’s ok. It’s just about being practical and realistic. I loved baby to preschool and found 7-9 a particularly stroppy and exhausting phase.

I’m sorry you’re finding it hard going, OP. I can’t say “it gets easier’ necessarily but I guarantee it gets different.

Some toddlers are genuinely harder than others.

You don't have to love it all. We're sold this idea that we need to "cherish every moment" while they're little, but you know what? Sometimes they're hell!

If you really do hate it, and that's ok, maybe look at doing 4 days a week instead of 3? Gives you one more "adult" day and you may find you enjoy it more when it's only one day if child chaos rather than two.

You may then find you're more inclined to "cherish" rather than worrying about the mess, because it's only one day.

I used to joke about going to work for a rest. At work I got coffee breaks where I actually managed to drink a hot cup of coffee and was able to put it down without worrying that someone may knock it over or burn themselves on it, have a chat with adults, I was allowed to spend as long as I needed in the loo without someone hammering on the door or worried what the children were getting up to while I was in there. 😂

Stop trying to do so much. I think these days many parents thik their children need to be taken out all day every day. They need to be at home in their own space playing with their own toys. They need to rest. Too many children do 12 hour days during the week then at the weekend there is no day "off" because their parents feel the need to take them here there and everywhere.
Having toddlers in knackering but it is only hard if you make it hard. When was the last time your child had a whole day when they didn't leave the house ? There is no point in trying to keep the house tidy during the day, get them to help with tidy up before they go to bed. I used to use the broom to clear a path in the livingroom during the day. Making lunch and dinner and doing some laundry is more than enough chores whilst you have little ones at home. Don't set yourself up to fail.

God I get so angry at the 'oh that's so sad try and enjoy it' comments. Please do one.

I don't particularly like parenting, I never have done. It's a grind and I'd rather be doing adult stuff. Of course I do it, and please don't get this confused with not absolutely adoring the socks off my little girl. Of course I do. I'm just not particularly interested in playing with Barbies or spending 10 minutes listening to whinging about not being allowed a packet of crisps.

I don't miss the early days at all. Should I have 'cherished' it more? No. 'you'll miss her when she's at school'. Nah, I can get adult stuff done like advance my career and have some peace and quiet. I look forward to picking her up and give her plentiful cuddles and kisses, but I'm also quite relieved when she's in bed.

Shock horror. Report me !

It's a phase OP, it'll get easier. Please don't feel guilty about feeling the way that you do.

Maybe I'll miss it all when she's a grumpy teenager, but time will always do that to you. When you're in the thick of it, you're in no state of mind to imagine how you're going to feel 10 years later looking back.

YANBU. I bloody hate it. I wait for the nursery days each week for eagerness.

@Energywise Good for you 😁

I feel similar on some days. I work 3 days and am off 2 with 3yo and 1yo. Totally understand the feelings.
I'm in no position to offer advice as could have written this myself tbh! But am offering sympathy. I love parenting when DH is there and it's 1 child each. 2 to myself feels like a hectic march through the day, fire fighting, splitting up arguments, desperately making food to stop hunger tantrums, trying to get one to nap and the other not to nap, wiping bottoms and faces, dealing with behaviour. It's exhausting.
Then I feel guilty for feeling like that because I know some mums have no choice but to work full time and I'm lucky. And some days I feel blessed! And the other day DH came in to me saying I think I need to work 4 days a week, I can't do this.
One point though - we go to a toddler group where there are plenty of older children right up to school starting age and it runs in holidays for older siblings too. Actually more 3-5yo than babies I'd say, or babies are all younger siblings. Maybe you haven't found the right one? Ask on your local FB page for recommendations?

I don't think you are unreasonable at all.
But as someone who's children are all teens . I will say I miss the younger years. They flew by and now I have wonderful kids who are nearly adults. And I wish I could go back and spend more time with them and less time worrying about a tidy house or things that really didnt matter.