This is something I've been wondering for a while. I have a toddler ds and my parents love to see him. He's not their first grandchild, they have another 15 yo dgd who's my brothers child. I've recently moved to the same village as my family and so we're seeing them much more often and I'm struggling to understand their stubbornness on parenting ideals. Full disclosure, my upbringing wasn't great and my mum really struggled so I'm very determined that ds will have a more positive experience with me than I had with them.
At the same time I try not to be a dose about things, and I accept there will be a level of "their house their rules" but when it comes to ds safety I find it really odd they insist on being 'right' instead of being willing to remove risk.
Examples:
- I mentioned I was getting ds a rear facing carseat - in their day it was fine to put a toddler front facing in a booster seat and that's what he'll be travelling in in their car (instead of me providing a rear facing car seat for them to use and fitting it etc for them)
-I got some foam door stops as ds has nearly caught his fingers so many times on the hinges of doors in their house and is currently in a phase of wanting to slam doors and I'm worried he'll hurt himself / damage their doors - in their day they didn't need such things and children just knew not to do it, joked that if he loses a finger then he'll know not to do it again.
- I cut ds grapes up - in their day children knew how to eat full grapes so they will not be wasting time on that.
- I don't like ds being left alone with their dog who's bit both of them before - I'm ridiculous and over the top and the dog is fine and I overthink everything.
- I explained the need for ds to sleep on a flat surface and not have loads of teddies etc in the bed when he was smaller - in their day babies slept in a raised cot with toys and were fine so they have gone in to his bedroom and put things under his cot to raise it after me telling them not to. If they are babysitting he will be covered in heavy blankets with every Teddy in his cot and will be sweating.
- they begrudgingly let me give them a fire guard for the massive open fire in their living room but refuse to actually attach it to the wall even though ds has pulled it down on himself before - in their day there was no need for it and they refuse to damage their walls.
-I suggested internal child locks for the cupboards in the kitchen as my mum was getting angry with ds pulling everything out when she was watching him - refused as noone needed to childproof in her day and ds should just know not to go into the cleaning cupboard with the bleach etc. Similarly it's more important to her to leave the washing machine and tumble dryer open to air every day so it doesn't get mouldy while leaving ds running about unattended instead of closing the door incase ds got trapped inside.
I have a few friends with kids about the same age and their parents are similarly determined to impose their own parenting boundaries over that of the actual parents. One of my friends actually had a row over their insistence that it's their right to give her 2 yo full fat coke and a ready made coffee drink. And I just don't get it. I can't imagine babysitting my grandkids and being so insistent that I'm right that I'd go directly against my son or dils requests and take the risk on something happening that I've been warned about - how you'd forgive yourself if a child got seriously hurt after you ploughed ahead I really don't know.
I've tried to explain things to them, explained why I'm saying it and the research behind it but they just mock me and tell me I read too much nonsense and they didn't read any parenting books in their day and it's hardly rocket science.
AIBU?