Best friend

Tell her to STFU and piss off.

You sound as bad as one another, with the one-word answers, the upset over the party, resentment at ‘ruining the holiday of a lifetime’ and then cutting off contact with a friend of 35 years.

Unless this is one of those Mn friendships where ‘best friend of 35 years’ means ‘someone I don’t much like’.

YABU to say she spoilt your holiday. You anticipated there was something wrong and walked yourself straight in to it

Your failure of imagination doesn't change that poster's point. You are the one who asked the question on your way to the airport. If you're asking someone if you've upset them, then it's a fair assumption that the answer will be yes and that the exchange could 'ruin the enjoyment to the start of your long-awaited holiday', so that's entirely on you. The fact that you're furious and blaming her for it is a bit rich and saying you never dreamt it could be anything to do with you makes me think you're not very aware of how you impact other people and will see yourself as the victim in any event. Fact is you had a holiday of the lifetime, but instead of being thrilled about that, you're focusing on this friend drama and cutting her off. This holiday upset is all if your own making and you might as well own it.

I think the 'don't ask a question you don't want an answer to' applies more to things like 'does this dress suit me', 'what do you think of my new boyfriend' etc where there isn't a reasonable / unreasonable answer, there's just an opinion.

Of course its unreasonable that she was upset with you because you supported your husband when his fil was suddenly seriously ill, rather than party, particularly when she knew this was the case and when you'd already apologised about the party. Being short with you for that is just nasty and childish. What did she want you to actually do, say 'bad luck about your dad DH, I'm off out to party, hopefully he doesn't die tonight!'

It doesn't sound like she is much of a friend

I think she was U for giving one word answers to you when she was annoyed you didn't go to the party. She was probably also U for being so annoyed with you when you had good reason to not go to the party. However you asked if/why she was annoyed with you and she was honest. You were being U by allowing that to spoil your holiday. And you are being U now by "cutting her off" for spoiling your holiday.
If it's a one-sided friendship that you don't want to continue, then fine. But at least tell her and own it rather than texting and blocking texts and playing who was the worst treated in a game of text top trumps.

How old was the daughter who's birthday it was? Was it a significant birthday like 18 or 21? (I'm trying to understand why your friend was so upset) And we're there many people going?

What exactly did you say as the reason for not going to the party?

You both sound a bit childish to be honest.

I don’t think you were wrong and she is being uncaring. How old was the daughter and was it a fancy affair?

How long was it between the party and the holiday? If all within a week perhaps she feels miffed that you are too upset to go to the party but not too upset to go on holiday?

The friendship has run it's course and she has used this situation as an excuse I think.
I wouldn't bother with her anymore , keep your distance and move on .

Don’t ask a question you don’t want to know the answer to!
The holiday is nothing to do with it. You asked she told you.
It’s a crap reason for her to be annoyed, you were supporting your dh going through a difficult time. It’s an understandable reason to miss an event.
Also childish behaviour on her part giving one word answers until you ask what’s wrong. I’d be irritated by her too.

She doesn't sound much of a friend OP
.
It's absolutely ridiculous that she thinks her daughter's birthday party is more important than you supporting your H when he needs you at a difficult time .

She must be a really shallow and self centered person who doesnt understand how a marriage should work.

She has shown you she is no friend and you are better off without her. Get on with your life and concentrate on people who are real friends..

Sounds like a silly falling out from both sides.

How on god’s green earth have you maintained a close friendship with this woman for 35 years if this little thing is enough for you to cut her out of your life?! You both sound like drama llamas.

She should be more understanding as to why you couldn’t make the party, you shouldn’t be this triggered by her being pissed off with you. Why would you let that impact your holiday? That’s on you btw, not on her.

If my best friend had text me that I’d have said “sorry love, you know I’d have loved to have been there but the circumstances didn’t allow it. Heading to the airport soon, can’t wait to catch up when I get back!” and thought no more of it.

This is insane. You asked why she was being a bit short with you. She gave you an honest answer and admitted it was because she was a cross you didn’t make the effort for the party. But she didn’t say that she wanted to end the friendship, or anything else mean, from the sound of it. Odds are if you had said “i understand and I really wanted to be there but DH was still deeply upset about his father’s impending death and given he might have got the call FIL had died at any time, I didn’t want to leave him”, she would have gotten over it, or at least had the good grace to pretend it never happened by the time you were back. Instead, you chose to let her honest answer “ruin” your holiday and have now cut her out of your life. That’s idiotic and dramatic. I’m amazed you have any friends if you flounce off every time there is a misunderstanding or someone admits to an emotion that you don’t like.

How have you managed to maintain a 35 year friendship when you can fall out this easily? Has she done this sort of thing before?

You should just reply - So you wanted me to leave my distraught husband alone, party with you and your family and forget my much loved FIL has potentially just days to live? Seriously???

She needs to reflect what a self-centred shit she is.

Sounds like this friendship has gone past its sell by date to be honest.

I'd start looking for a few new friends.