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Original poster

This is really silly, but how to ‘ sort out ‘ these squabbles between small kids ?

36 replies

blunlab · 16/06/2025 19:30

My kids are 3 and 5. Often wanting the same toy..

for example, say I buy them both a toy from the toy shop- eventually one of them wants to play with the other person’s toy.

my husband tends to just make the person who’s toy it is, share the toy and take turns. Whereas I tend to let the person decide if they want to ‘ give up ‘ the toy for a bit or not. I don’t force them to share it if they don’t want to.

what is the right way to do this ? It seems silly doesn’t it.

OP posts:
CMRE · 16/06/2025 19:55

I have twins so I’ve dealt with sharing forever!
It’s a very hard concept for kids to grasp. They want the thing, they want it right now. We do encourage sharing a lot, but tbh for an easy life when playing together or play dates we try and stick to toys they can play with together. Magnatiles, Lego, marble run, even just a stack of paper and pens for colouring. Just group toys/activities seem to work much better!!

legoplaybook · 16/06/2025 19:55

blunlab · 16/06/2025 19:53

We had a friend over at the weekend and she was just not up for sharing her toy ( that I got her from the toy shop ) I had also got toys for my kids. But my kids were hell bent on this girls toy and she was really enjoying being the one on control of something they both wanted. I just kept saying ‘ it’s Stacey’s decision if she wants to share the toy. It’s hers’.. then occasionally she’d let them have a go and then quickly take it back. Normal child hood stuff ! My DH was saying that we should tell her to share it and he didn’t like the whole scenario. It’s hard to know what’s right !

In that situation it seems silly to have bought the children a toy each if you actually wanted all the children to take turns with each toy?
Why not buy toys that are everyones/no ones.

Original poster
blunlab · 16/06/2025 19:54

legoplaybook · 16/06/2025 19:53

My kids are older now but I've never forced them to share their personal toys. Toys kept in bedrooms belong to the individual and they choose if they want to share.
I'd encourage it by pointing out that if you let your brother play with your x, he will probably let you play with y. But I let them have control over their own belongings.
Shared family toys are kept downstairs.

Yeah that’s what I do often and sometimes they’re happy to swap haha

OP posts:
legoplaybook · 16/06/2025 19:53

My kids are older now but I've never forced them to share their personal toys. Toys kept in bedrooms belong to the individual and they choose if they want to share.
I'd encourage it by pointing out that if you let your brother play with your x, he will probably let you play with y. But I let them have control over their own belongings.
Shared family toys are kept downstairs.

Original poster
blunlab · 16/06/2025 19:53

We had a friend over at the weekend and she was just not up for sharing her toy ( that I got her from the toy shop ) I had also got toys for my kids. But my kids were hell bent on this girls toy and she was really enjoying being the one on control of something they both wanted. I just kept saying ‘ it’s Stacey’s decision if she wants to share the toy. It’s hers’.. then occasionally she’d let them have a go and then quickly take it back. Normal child hood stuff ! My DH was saying that we should tell her to share it and he didn’t like the whole scenario. It’s hard to know what’s right !

OP posts:
Neveragain35 · 16/06/2025 19:52

When my two were a little bit older than yours I initiated a rule that either they always share or they never share- they had to decide and stick to it. So if they want to be able to take a turn with their siblings’ toy they have to reciprocate when they have a new toy. Yours might be a bit young to understand it but it’s worth a try…

Now they are teenagers I’ve currently reinstated this rule with clothes! 🙄

Iudncuewbccgrcb · 16/06/2025 19:49

I just threaten to throw it in the bin then neither of them can have it.

And they know I mean it.

Seriously though - it's normal behaviour and part of figuring out negotiating skills and how to compromise for themselves. Think of it as giving them the gift of resilience and superior social skills as you watch them try and claw each other's eyes out for a piece of tat.

Toilichte · 16/06/2025 19:49

Get them to agree to the solution the computer gives, then ask chatGPT. It’s taking over everything else- it might as well give parenting a go.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 16/06/2025 19:48

Sharing their own things with their siblings at that age should be encouraged, it carries through to other areas in life. You and your DH should get on the same page though or it will confuse the kids.

Original poster
blunlab · 16/06/2025 19:46

Yes I just want to highlight that if it’s shared toys / or toys at the playground etc, then of course I encourage them to share and take turns.

OP posts:
DelphiniumBlue · 16/06/2025 19:43

I don't think sharing should be forced, but encouraged. It's not fair to make someone share something - they might have good reason for not wanting to ) eg little brother will chew it/snap its head off/break it.
We had a sharing rule for sweets and treats - no eating a treat in front of someone without offering them some - but not for toys.
We did deliberately have some jointly owned toys, though, which helped them learn sharing skills.

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