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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset at what DH wrote in my birthday card?

171 replies

PrincessOfPreschool · 16/06/2025 18:29

"I'm very fond of you." 22 years married! No 'I love you'.

As this is AIBU, I fully expect half of you to say I should be grateful to have a DH who even gives me a birthday card and who is fond of me. Whilst the other half will say he's checked out of the marriage and I should LTB.

But honestly, how would you feel?

OP posts:
SleepQuest33 · 16/06/2025 19:26

What type of message has he written in the past?

I don’t know your DH but if mine had written that I would be seriously worried because it’s not his style at all.

steff13 · 16/06/2025 19:25

I would have thought it was a joke, and laughed. It reminds me of King of the Hill, when Hank proposed and told Peggy he was "not unfond" of her.

AutumnVi · 16/06/2025 19:25

Wow can’t believe people are minimising this and saying it’s funny, it’s not funny. It’s shit.
it’s a massive red flag 🚩 and I’d be really questioning my relationship if my husband did this especially if it’s out of character.

don’t feel like you’re over reacting because of the low expectation responses

AMillionTomorrows · 16/06/2025 19:24

My dad used to say this about my mum. He also treats her like a piece of shit he only keeps around because she is practically his unpaid PA. I hope this is not the case with your dh.

CancelTheSkip · 16/06/2025 19:23

Eyesopenwideawake · 16/06/2025 18:42

This reminds of the card Alan Sugar once sent his wife for her birthday "Best wishes, Alan". She very nearly divorced him!

I was coming on to say this! I thought it actually said "best wishes, Alan Sugar" which is even funnier (although I could be wrong).

DH and I often write this in cards.

PomeloOud · 16/06/2025 19:19

I’d laugh as I assume it’s a joke.

But then I have a husband that is rather effusive in his loving declarations.

ZippyStork · 16/06/2025 19:19

Fond? A loving understatement. Just have a laugh with him about it.

DisforDarkChocolate · 16/06/2025 19:17

In my marriage this would be fine, it's obviously not in yours.

GroovyChick87 · 16/06/2025 19:15

I'd think the sex/ physical attraction side of the relationship had died if my own DH was saying this. No I wouldn't be happy. It sounds like something old fuddy duddies write to each other.

GreenWriter · 16/06/2025 19:15

Lol OP I love your answer to your question in your post re MN replies!

I agree with a PP that your DH was probably joking ironically after 22 years together (unless there are other reasons for you to feel something is off).

But it would probably annoy me too though.

Tadahhh · 16/06/2025 19:09

My DSIs once stop speaking to me about a card. I was JOKING!

If he’s not joking, is he just very uptight?

Clarinet1 · 16/06/2025 19:09

Well in older times amongst perhaps middle to upper classes when stiff upper-lipped people did not tend to gush with emotion being “fond of” someone was a term for love. Obviously perhaps not now, but still.

alwaysanauntie · 16/06/2025 19:06

I'd be really pissed off too, I've been with DH 23 years & married 19 years at the end of this month.

I'd be asking why he wrote it & if he has any understanding of the impact it has. My DH is regularly thoughtless, but I'd be staggered if he did something like this (instead of going to the pub for 3 hours rather than 1, which he has form for & I know won't change as he's always done that)

StooOrangeyForCrows · 16/06/2025 19:04

TheyFuckYouUpYourMamAndDad · 16/06/2025 18:36

Eugh!! I would find this just…odd! Who even talks like this?? Weird!

Ooofe. I agree. Not putting the L word would bug me half to death and I'm far from fussy.

AmyDudley · 16/06/2025 19:01

My XH used to write 'To Amy, cheers, Brian' in my birthday cards. He was an awful knobber in so many ways.

Legolady2 · 16/06/2025 19:01

My DP is German. They have 2 expressions for love. There is the basic Ich liebe dich - I love you. There is also Hab dich lieb - I have love for you. He uses hab dich lieb with his DC and I find it lovely that he uses that with me too, even though some Germans say it’s not the same. If I’m on the same level of love as the DC then that is cool for me.

KillerMounjaro · 16/06/2025 19:00

I actually think it’s quite nice. I think writing “I love you” in a card to your wife is just a generic automatic thing and can be done without thought. He has thought about you and decided to tell you he is very fond of you - it’s nice. I think that he loves you is implied and can be taken for granted. He’s saying that he likes you as well, which personally I think is even nicer.

I know nobody agrees with me though!

PerryFerryQue · 16/06/2025 18:56

Oh dear. That's akin to being told "you look nice". I'm fond of my old neighbour. I'm fond of the pub on our village.

I can't imagine my husband writing "I'm fond of you" without it being a joke.

PercyJ · 16/06/2025 18:55

My husband wrote in my birthday card 'keep up the good work' 😂

honeylulu · 16/06/2025 18:54

Was it absent minded?

I once accidentally wrote on one of my daughter's Christmas present tags "Yours sincerely, EA Smith". She laughed.

[Name anonymised!]

ObtuseMoose · 16/06/2025 18:48

That would make me chuckle, sometimes when my husband says I love you I say I think you're OK. It's just silliness and we all need a bit of that.

Sugargliderwombat · 16/06/2025 18:48

I'd think it was someone being a bit jokey because just writing 'I love you' seems a bit crap and pointless.

Lonelydave · 16/06/2025 18:46

I'd imagine it was a jokey type thing, but then I don't know him or your relationship, but I can't say anything, I tend to put things down like 'another day closer to death' or birthday cards, obviously not to anyone under 12 but after that, it's open season!
(joke!)

TheaBrandt1 · 16/06/2025 18:45

I’d be gutted furious and worried. I am “fond” of my teens friends not my flipping husband

Ecrire · 16/06/2025 18:44

My last card to my other said “You’re alright ya know.”

He usually says “ditto” or “just about yourself”.

we are great together! Lots of banter!

id be weirded out if he wrote serious love sentences in a card but i guess it depends what your relationship is like and what sort of banter you do