To ask if you had your time again would you make the same family decisions

Although my husband can be difficult (noisy, grumpy, impatient, no real emotional support to me) I don’t regret my choice. He loves me unconditionally, is faithful, supportive of whatever I want to do and has been a good ‘provider’ (it’s been a happy option for me not to work). We’ve been together for nearly 40 years.

Two kids, two years apart, in my late twenties. I would do the exact same again.

My one real relationship regret is the internal one - not valuing myself more, earlier. It took me until my fifties to do the work on myself.

What do you mean you wouldn’t have had any because the world is messed up? Are none of your children happy and thriving and you put that down to the world being messed up? I am genuinely curious, absolutely zero judgement

Husband and kids- exactly the same, except I might have had a third rather than stopping at two (kids not husbands!)
I would have forgiven my mum a lot sooner.

Who/if you married
Hell no. Wish I had known about red flags 50 years ago.

Whether or not you had kids
Never regretted having my DC. Have had many regrets in my parenting of them, mostly about giving way to ex.

How you managed your adult relationships with siblings/parents
Would have ditched siblings a lot sooner.

Would have made more of an effort with DM. After having my eyes opened I now see she was also in a hellish marriage. My life has followed the same path as hers despite me trying to find the opposite man to my DF🙁

I would still marry DH and have DS and Dcats 1 &2, wouldn't change them for anything. I wouldn't have adopted Dcat 3, not because I didn't love her but because we weren't the right fit for her and she would have done better with another family.

I would have cut off my dad and Step mum earlier and got myself EMDR with my amazing clinical psychologist earlier if I could (I probably couldn't have afforded it though).

I wouldn't have done IVF to have a second child, 15000 down the pan and it had a big impact on my health and wellbeing. Very happy with the one DC we have.

I would have made more effort with my grandma during the dementia years. I found it very sad and scary and so hid from it a lot. I should have been there for her more.

Overall I have a wonderful life so am not desperate to change anything.

its great. They are all amazing young adults.The eldest has severe learning disabilities and it’s been a challenge to say the least. But mostly I wouldn’t have any because this world is so messed up.

No.

I’d say the truth in family court so I’d be adopted/fostered instead of being stuck in FOO in the name of “blood being thicker” and all that crap. I wouldn’t be their cash cow and my 1st bf’s either.

I’d maybe have an education and better earning potential.
I wouldn’t be skint for decades working my bones off to unwillingly subsidise others.

Maybe I would be able to say “no” in my childhood,adolescent and young adult years instead of being hit,screamed at and stonewalled.

I love my kids but made a wrong choice with life partner. XH turned out to be a product of dysfunctional family as well but in a different way so now I’m dealing with their legacy.

This is what shit upbringing does to you. You accept every scrap of kindness and cling to it even if it’s detrimental to you in long term because that’s what you’ve been taught by your FOO and as a result by the others- your
needs don’t matter,don’t make a fuss, you exist to facilitate the life of others.

Nearly 50 now and finally putting myself first.
Learned a bit late but can share experience with younger females so they wouldn’t end up in later life with nothing like me.

I would have had my child with now husband. I'm tied to my ex forever now.

I would start a family earlier than I did, which would mean I probably would have chosen a different partner to do that. But then I don't want a different partner because then I wouldn't have had the shared experiences and opportunities together that we've had.

It's a tricky one.

I would have spent more time with my mum and told her how amazing she was. When she got diagnosed with cancer my children were little and I was working full time and I was overwhelmed by her diagnosis. She died much more quickly than expected. She spent her life looking after everyone else and I wish I’d have taken a career break to spend time with her. Would have definitely married DH and had 2 DC but would have been more aware of DD’s struggles- she was diagnosed autistic at 18 and supported her differently.

What is your relationship like with your children @Tangerinenets ?

I would have married the same man but I 100%, definitely would not have kids .

I'm very happy with my life as it is. But if I did it again I would -

A) be less desperate in my relationship with my ex. I should have broken up with him sooner.

B) not wasted a decade pining over said ex, and dated loads more guys instead. And been much more laid back about just asking people out.

C) I absolutely love being a Sahm. I so wish I'd met DH earlier so having more than one child had been possible.

But of course there's no guarantee that if I'd changed any of those things I'd be happier. I am very lucky.

Yes, although I might have had a third child, mine are (young) teens now and pretty independent, I’d love to have a smaller one again!

Absolutely, everything is working well and I'm pleased with the decisions we made.

I’d have been a lot gentler with DS. I was far too strict with him as a toddler.

I wouldn’t change my family at all though. I have had fleeting thoughts about how much easier life was with one though. I found having a three year old and a just one year old really hard and relentless. DD (my younger child) is now two next month and it’s so much easier, although the terrible twos have started in earnest. This time round though I’m much more chilled and don’t take it personally. I wish I’d been like this with DS.

Unequivocal yes to my husband

Wholehearted yes to my children

All good with my siblings

My relationship with my parents is superficially good but with so much hurt beneath the veneer. If I had my time again perhaps I would try to change that by bringing the hurt out in to the open and trying to address it, but I know that in reality it would never work and the explosive consequences would be devastating.

Nailed it.

I would do nothing the same.
Wasted the best years of my life on exdp.
Had too many dc for all the wrong reasons...

Yep I regret every single major life choice I made.

I would do it all so differently.

I sometimes wish I’d have another baby but I was in the depths of sleep deprivation and traumatised! Now it’s too late IMO and I don’t want the age gap. However, we have a happy, healthy gorgeous boy who we can give the world to! Husband… I’d not change a thing. I adore him.

Family… hmm I am sure I could have made different choices but I also could have said/done a lot worse! We are who we are!

I regret most of the life decisions I’ve made but there’s nothing I can do about it.

As of right now, I don’t regret any of my choices and wouldn’t change anything.

I have been really struggling with this recently as I am feeling a lot of regret for past decisions.

i wish i had tried for a baby earlier - i was too scared (struggled with first pregnancy) and left it too late. I see happy families with 2 kids everywhere and I feel stupid I didn’t try earlier and my ds will never have a sibling.

I worked hard on my career early and have been “successful” in that, but what a price to pay…

I would have had less kids even though I love them all dearly. I would have changed careers a lot earlier and hopefully been a lot happier. I feel I wasted a lot of years being thoroughly stressed in a stressful career. I would have tried harder with my mum not knowing she would die youngish. I do have a lot of regrets.