To think therapy-speak has ruined how people talk to each other?

I needed the laugh emoji back!

How do you make the difference between ‘tying yourself in knots’ when someone is treating you badly and trying to understand what’s going on because that’s the thing that gives you clarity and allows to say ‘enough is enough’?

I can tell you it looks pretty much the same from the outside.

Jayden finds school boring, uninspired, rigid and stopped engaging years ago. He thinks that this is how education is meant to be. He had an insight into the text, a conclusion that he came to himself and he was shot down. It doesn't matter if he's using dumbed down armchair psychology. It doesn't matter if he's correct. He engaged with the topic with his own insight, doesn't that warrant a conversation? A glimmer of encouragement? Sorry Jayden you're not allowed to make your own interpretations. No thinking for yourself, this is school, we don't want independent thought here. Here's what you're supposed to think. No, Jayden you're not supposed to enjoy English.

I think it depends on context. The term is used a lot in the world I work in because it's important to make the distinction. For example, I have a lot of experience with Domestic Abuse, but as a professional who works with victims and perpetrators. I don't have "lived experience" of Domestic Abuse.

"lived experience" is tautological.

Same thank god!

I'm not talking about those scenarios. I'm talking about tying yourself in knots fretting over why someone is treating you badly.

This with bells on.

Understanding one is PA or avoidant etc…. doesn’t mean you then have to jump and save them.
It might be a way to find the best way to deal with them (like a colleague or a family member you can’t cut out).
It might be that getting some understanding - ie putting words into the behaviours and why it’s not acceptable - works better for the person than saying ‘he is a tosser’.

Thats one reason why having therapy can be so powerful agd not everyone can afford a therapist…..

Jayden is learning literary analysis, not the art of using a particular dumbed-down version of armchair psychology on fictional characters.

What drives me up the wall is how extreme everything is now.

No one is upset they're "traumatised".

No one is unpleasant to be around, they're "toxic".

No one is selfish or just a dick, they're a "narcissist".

These words completely lose their power, and their true meaning, when they're bandied about so much.

He had a lot of potential wives turn him down because they wanted to 'keep their heads' thats for sure.

He was totally unreasonable in addition, to lots of things and lots of decisions, changing his mind all over the shop. He was in a lot of pain with his leg and may have had a head injury too but that doesnt negate the fact that his job was literally to be powerful, keep that power, dismiss people who might have been a threat to that (even by death), control everything. It was in the job description and he would have got a formal HR disciplinary if he hadnt managed it.

Well that's an interesting perspective. I think his contemporaries had more of a problem about his wife killing than you're allowing for. But in any case isn't it an interesting debate to be had? What behaviour was appropriate for him as king; how did his health impact?
He certainly had mental/physical health (whether it was good or bad) he was human, we all have health. How many of his actions in later life for example were influenced by his physical pain? How did his perceived omnipotence affect his personality? How did the lack of an heir for years impact him? He was failing at his most important job. How did he reconcile himself to that? What was his self talk?

Sorry duplicate post

Yes, I frequently find myself explaining to pupils that they are neither qualified nor experienced enough to proclaim that someone (literary or a friend) has a serious personality disorder. It’s also remarkably lazy.

Can I be my ‘best self’ in the holding space? 🤔

Why not? Would you not describe some of his actions as narcissistic? Why are you limiting the curiosity and understanding of your students? Don't you want them to consider his motivations? Narcissism didn't exist as a psychological concept when Shakespeare was alive, but it still existed as a personality trait, just without a label.
Shakespeare really missed a trick by recognising the trait, incorporating it into his character and not inventing a new word for it.
I understand that teachers have to teach subjects to pass exams, making sure the correct keywords are used for the mark scheme and time is limited, but why shut down independent thought on the topic your teaching? I'm sad for Jayden

This! My God, the widespread use of instatherapy jargon has been the bane of my life as someone who works in mental health provision, trying to support people who often have very complex psychiatric issues.

Oh dear.

Drives me mad! So much time wasted trying to diagnose, therapise and fix some twat.

Because the concept of mental health and ill health is socially constructed.

The actions that a figure like him take are led by the social norms, political norms and cultural norms of the time and his status. He stepped out of that for some of his behaviour, beheading 2 wives, but even then, it wasnt that different to king and queen killing that had come before him and after.

Vlad the Impaler on the other hand was viewed by his peers and contemporaries as beyond the pale. Elizabeth I refused to consider a prospective marriage proposal from him.

All the people on here 'diagnosing' their relationship along the lines of 'he treats me badly because he's an anxious avoidant'.

No, he treats you badly because he's a tosser.

I studied both at university so not really!

I also work with a large number of service users with actual real psychological and MH diagnoses

Why can't we think about a historical figure's mental health? Isn't it an interesting exercise to explore his motivations and the responses to him from those close to him?

Yes he was king and was all powerful (almost all powerful) but he was a man with a personality, physical and mental health too

No idea, never heard of it.

My truth. That's a really annoying and pathetic phrase. I understand why recollections may vary as a reply since 'my truth' seems to be used by people who are really unreasonable and narcissistic.