No Fathers’ Day cards for DH

My late DH said he'd disinherit any of our children who sent him a Father's Day card or bought him a Father's Day gift. He said it was a racket, it was his job to be a good dad. Mother's Day is a long standing tradition, but Father's Day is an invention of the greetings card industry.

Unless you happened to clock the small stand of cards in the local supermarket, how would you know?

I think there’s a LOT of reasons why they probably knew it was Father’s Day. I think the opposite, more…how can you NOT know?
-I’ve been in Tesco and Sainsbury’s in the last couple of weeks and neither have a small stand of cards, they are both very in your face when you first walk in, big feature stands running along the first seasonal aisle. Can’t miss them. Also been in Home Bargains selling loads of FD stuff. Also shops like Next and M&S having signs up reminding you not to forget to buy your dad a nice jumper for FD.
-Adverts on TV- lots of them. Also on social media. Yesterday itself my Instagram and fb were flooded with people posting pics of their dads with sentimental messages. Not my thing, but if I saw this and realised I’d forgotten to acknowledge the day, I’d be on the phone to dad immediately wishing him a happy FD, pretending I’d known all along and asking what day eve free this week for me to take him out for dinner.
-Signs up in all the pubs and restaurants I’ve been to within the last month, with their Father’s Day menus.
-Emails from restaurants and pubs I’ve unknowingly signed up for (and not bothered to unsubscribe) with their FD specials.
-General chit chat. Friends discussing weekend plans and asking who’s going to be seeing their dads/what we are doing with them etc.

Didn’t take long to blame the woman, eh?

Curiosity my arse.

I'm fuming with my DSS ... his dad had a chat with him Friday to say we are putting his board up, first time in 3 years and he's been in a grump since and not spoken to either of us. Yesterday he came downstairs as we'd done a big dinner for us and his other son, GF etc, he didn't say a word, eat his food in silence and left.

My DH says not to worry about it, I can tell he's upset deep down but doesn't want to say anything for fear of upsetting him, he does so much for him and DSS couldn't give a shit 😡

Mine didn’t send cards either, not a big deal in our house. They messaged and we see them regularly. If you’ve got a close relationship a card doesn’t matter and if you haven’t a card won’t fix it.

I would mention it to them (calmly) and suggest what they could do to apologise e.g take him out for lunch or something else.
It’s not about a card as such but about lack of acknowledgement and attention. Whatever their problems are at the moment it seems that your DH doesn’t deserve this attitude.
Also there were lots of reminders around at shops etc so they can’t claim forgetfulness.

Did they even call him?

I’ve not had Mother’s Day, Christmas or birthday cards from my older 2 for 2-3 years now. No falling out, in regular-ish contact…..they’re just thoughtless. Quick to get in touch close to their birthdays and Christmas when they want to drop ‘hints’ though! It’s shit isn’t it??

Well it's all over Tesco and every other shop I've been in. It's also been on the television and across the news/SM. It'll also be on a lot of people's google etc calendar. As well as being surrounded in work by people possibly mentioning it.

Out of curiosity, when you realised no cards hadn’t arrived by Saturday’s mail, why didn’t you message each of them reminding them to call him the next day to wish him happy Father’s Day? I expect a lot of adult men, unless they have children of their own, have a clue when Father’s Day is. Unless you happened to clock the small stand of cards in the local supermarket, how would you know?

Update, DH has had texts from 2 DS saying so sorry & sending their love. One is still in the Royal Navy & abroad ATM & was honest about being too busy & just forgot. DH gets this. The other one lives in USA & said that he'd only just realised that it was Father's Day in UK (not sure if they have it in US on the same day, but I'm not going to poke that bear). He's yet to hear from youngest, but he's a chef on IOW so was probably very busy - he's also the one who has to be reminded about his father's birthdays, my birthday etc etc.

If there are things going on with them as you say and if it is out of character for them, I would be inclined to just ask them if everything is ok/can you help in some way.
If the things going on for them are intense then it’s easy to forget a day.

Its not a big event like a birthday/Christmas is.

If I was your DH I'd be feeling neglected by the children.

However, Father's Day was invented by a card company to boost their sales. Unlike Mothering Sunday which is a date in the church calendar when people traditionally went to their Mother Church as parish churches didn't always have a resident parish priest.

We have 4 DS & a DD -all grown up now, youngest will be 29 in August. DH only got 2 cards from DCs - from DD & DS3. He's rather upset, but stoical about it as I've reminded him that Father's Day is only a marketing exercise, not a real thing.

However, I've texted the DCs who didn't sent cards saying DH is rather miffed & suggesting that they text him to apologise & explain that they were busy or whatever.

It depends

Was your DH neglectful, or emotionaly or physically abusive and no their childhoods?

Has he recently done something they consider to be beyond the pale?

What's the level of 'things going on' for the adult kids? Are we talking about they can't find matching socks to wear, they've lost their job, or a loved one has just been diagnosed with something awful? If a piano just fell on your DIL for example, sending a father's day card might not be that important to your DS right now

If they're just lazy, forgetful and thoughtless, by all means express your dissapointment

Depends if they rang up, if they did then it would be unreasonable to Complain about a card.

I admit mine didn't get a father's day card this year. I was sure I'd bought one, but could not find it anywhere on Sunday morning.
I did visit him though, and gave him gifts.

He was in my car today and picked up a bag and out came the father's day card I'd bought!! The price sticker was still on it and he asked me in a very "grumpy dad" way why I'd spent so much on a bit of folded card I told him he was worth it!

So I think if there was no card and also no acknowledgment of the day, no gift, no text, nothing... then yeah that's quite hurtful. If they showed they cared in other ways but just not with a card, that's different.

Did they visit or call to say happy fathers day?

I probably didn't do this in my 20s as likely to have missed it was father's day especially when I was abroad with a different father's day. I do something now but I have kids so notice it. I would probably just remind them next year. My DSiS totally forgot my birthday but I wasn't hurt as I know she loves me, is generally a bit forgetful about that stuff and has tons going on just now so I can understand

Curious, did any of them ring to say happy Father’s Day though?

With my 2 adult Sons, one always gets a card, the other doesn’t believe in cards, (his words) but he gave DH chocolates. DH isn’t that bothered, just pleased to see them.

Gosh…I didn’t send my (much loved) dad a card, and neither did DH, and neither of our school aged kids gave him one. Some years we vaguely acknowledge it if we happen to have spotted a card we like and others we don’t, but would never occur to any of us there was something that needed addressing because we failed to buy into it! I imagine it just wasn’t on your children’s radar!

That’s true, and makes me wonder why all 3 DC didn’t want to spare that 5 extra minutes for their dad?

They could all be behaving selfishly, or there’s a backstory, i.e him not being supportive whilst theyre going through it, and them not thinking he’s been a particularly great dad, hence no cards.

I’d say something.

FIL did to DH one year. DH genuinely didn’t think he’d be bothered that he hadn’t sent a card or done anything. They had a nice afternoon at the pub this year (DH isn’t a card person).

Was it no card, or no acknowledgment at all? If they rang up for a chat, or eg sent a nice photo with a happy Father’s Day message, that would seem fine to me. But then I’m not British, and I find the British obsession with sending cards and the idea that they are somehow better than a phone call a bit bizarre.