AIBU to marry primarily based on money and status?

Sorry. I find this post very sad.
I am sorry you didn't have a happy childhood but it obviously didn't hold you back financially or in your career.

It is sad that you want to use a man for his wealth and status.

It is sad that you want to have children in a loveless marriage. It will become very apparent to them as they get older.
Marriage is about relationship, love, mutual respect amongst other things.

You will be setting up any future children for years of therapy and similar angist to yourself.

Yes, financial security is important in a marriage but lots of poor people have long, happy, successful marriages and happy, well adjusted, successful children.

It sounds like you want to repeat your parents mistakes.

No that's not how to do it op.

Decades ago I was successful: good career, own house in London. In my very late 20s I hadn't met the one.

When I did, the one was penniless and from a different class but a very decent family. He had prospects, brains and we shared a moral compass, politics, religion, work ethic, etc., and were generally well suited. He got the more elite family but wasn't looking for it. I got someone I didn't match intellectually (he has a brain the size of a planet).

Decades on - 35 years plus - all good because we were on the same page despite our differences. Happily he has also made a few mill but that isn't why I love him and he doesn't love me because I was born with a silver spoon.

The sort of men you want, might not want you.

Do you come across many pleasant, decent men from elite families seeking a loveless marriage with a woman who doesn't find them attractive?Because unless you're actually weighing up a proposal from one, this might be a case of crossing that bridge when you come to it perhaps?

Prince Harry's parents had wealth and status - and it clearly wasn't enough.

Yes and no.
I married my school boyfriend so never dated as an adult. But if I did, I would honestly not date someone without a high earning potential. I earn well myself and would want someone earning at least the same.
However I would also not marry someone I wasn’t attracted to or someone I wouldn’t be happy spending all my spare time with.

Gymmum82

It’s better to cry in an Lamborghini than Honda civic. All men are a disappointment. Follow the money.

I find this horrifically sad. I hope you randomly find someone who doesn’t make you cry x

Money and status don't equate to a happy family life, and that's what children need most.

But I expect you'll take them to stately homes..

You will work very very hard if you marry for money. Every waking moment of every day.

In some ways there is no reason why a marriage based on finding a provider rather than the love of your life shouldn't work. As you have noticed these great love matches can wear very thin very quickly. As long as you like each other, enjoy each others company, have a lot in common, but lack the fireworks you may well grow into a more lasting love anyway.

Yesss someone family orientated. I don't come from tight knit family, a bit (or alot) disfunction, my DH is same. I feel sad that my kids don't have close cousins and aunts to cherish and be cherished

Personally I think you have to choose someone who is on the same page as you. I chose DH as he had the same attitudes to career, money, religion and politics. He was always going to be a high earner and have a good career, as like me, that's what he focussed on. If you aren't looking for someone so you can coast through life, but someone who has the same values and achievements I think that fine.

So I don’t think your aspirations are terrible as such. It is certainly better to pick a partner who will provide etc.

I doubt you will find someone to marry you if those are your demands though. Most people like to believe that they are in it for the relationship not the money. So unless you’re going to trap someone and lie to them about your intentions I don’t think this will work.

Perhaps you need to just focus your dating pool in that area. Ie high end dating apps, go out in the right areas etc. and hope that you end up with both.

Money is not everything, choose your husband as if you are choosing who you will go to battle with, someone who will hold you, support you and have your back during the toughest periods of time.

Sounds like you are looking for a rich sperm donor. What are you bringing to the table?

In answer to your question, OP, the man and his family you speak of (theoretically) can afford great divorce lawyers….

If it’s wealth because they have a high flying career then it’s going to be you who has to give up your career and care for the kids

If it’s generational wealth then they are probably looking for someone who also comes from generational wealth

You have a career and you have Money. Why not find someone who can give you what you havent had in life. A loving family, Pils & Sils who can become your own family. A Man who wants to throw himself into the day to day family life, one who wants to go Part time when kids are young, do the drop offs, trips to the park etc.

Although that gentleman is probably even harder to find tbh. Worth their weight in gold though.

Agreed. I tried it for a second and went cold.

I think yabu to marry primarily based on money. I don't think there is anything wrong with it being a factor but there is little point being married to a millionaire who beats or emotionally abuses you.
Why not aim a bit higher, a nice person you are attracted to who treats you with respect and has reasonable career prospects.

Could you live with the older Boris Johnson?

Because that's the real thing here. You need to pick someone you can live with. For a very long time.

You need to pick someone who you will be happy with in the trenches (early childhood years are very hard work even when you're head over heels).

You need to pick yourself someone who you can trust. Who makes you laugh. Who keeps you grounded. Who complements your strengths.

It's not unreasonable to want financial security and the ability to give your children choices. But it is unreasonable to only look for money and opportunity rather than an actual partner. Because you'd be taking away their chance to find an actual partner.

Like a younger Boris Johnson in looks or personality? Boris Johnson certainly wasn't kind to his ex-wives and children. I don't think that kindness is a quality particularly valued at Eton.

Go to business school. Work for a business catering to rich people. Be a nanny focus on single men. Go to pubs near London financial center.

I mean, I wouldn't do it, but.

I would maybe look at it from a different angle. Go ahead and meet people /date and find some men you like. That's first. I think it's fine to then filter people out on the basis of education, income etc. But you need the foundation of a solid relationship rather than a transactional one.

I thought this was going to be a post about you are with a wealthy man who has asked you to marry him but you're not 'in love' with him, even though you care for him a great deal and love him.

If it was that I was going to say yes. I think true love can grow. What many of us think of initially of love, is in fact lust, which whilst fun, isn't necessarily a great basis for marriage, in the absence of anything else.

But you aren't even with anyone, not dating anyone, just basically looking for a wealthy husband. Say it how it is. good luck to you if that's what you want. I would say you need to be a pretty good actor and pretty dam hot to pull it off though.

I do admire your honesty btw. I was reading an article about young men who only date women from wealthy families as they don't want to struggle financially. Who wants to rent forever when they can buy a house with a good deposit from family money, have many holidays and have country weekend retreats to the family seat.

As the saying goes: Don't marry for money, go where the rich people are and marry for love.

I mean ideally you’d want it all. Clever, intelligent,handsome,witty,charming. And absolutely stonking rich.