AIBU to marry primarily based on money and status?

The same way women get into a position to choose between any men with qualities other women desire. Be around those sorts of people

This all seems bizarrely hypothetical, given the man in question doesn’t exist. I suggest you focus on dating and meeting a man who will be a loving husband and father. Stability in marriage is far more important than money if you want a trauma-free environment for children.

Folks get married for all different reasons. If money and status are yours, I personally don't feel there's anything wrong with that as long as your intended knows the score.

You can love someone immeasurably and be miserable. There are no guarantees.

But why would the OP do that? You don’t have to have finances at the top of your list and not have things like decency and kindness in your list also

they aren’t mutually exclusive. The OP is talking about finances above passion not finances without decency

I’m on great terms with my MIL 😆

Yes. And if the men can't recognise a gold-digger, their mothers certainly will.

This.

You could end up having kids with someone who is rich but is also a total cunt, is that fair to your children?

I think you should at least LIKE him and also have shared values etc.

From personal experience - if he's a shitty person, no matter how much £ he has. You'll be raising a child like a single mum, but will also have to keep up with all the shit and then share custody etc. So look for a "team player" with decent education and career. With focus on "team player".

I understand what you mean in big picture terms, marrying someone with wealth can potentially give a level of financial security. But on the micro day to day level, if your partner is not kind, someone you enjoy being with, are sexually attracted to, then life can potentially become very flat and dull. People who are wealthy also have the same human problems as anyone else, they can be unkind, can be alcoholics and more. It sounds like you had a tough childhood and I think it’d be worth doing therapy of some kind to work things out a little. It’s hard when you don’t really have a blueprint for a healthy relationship and it may be you are looking for something safe and comfortable, and maybe that will work well for you. But it may be you need something more than that. I hope you find what will make you happy.

Don't sellyourself short, you can find someone you love that can also be a good partner,nagree with others talk to a counsellor and don't rush anything
Good luck

My Grandmother told me something similar. Her marriage was toxic, and three of her children died from alcohol related illnesses.

But hey, they were pretty loaded.

I think it's fine to have financial stability as an important trait you want in a husband but you really need to be compatible with them emotionally, otherwise your life will be miserable. By all means look for men who are in stable good jobs e.g. doctor, lawyer, engineer - but make sure you actually love them and that they love you.

A rich man who you are not compatible with will be dire for your future and will be horrible for your children who will grow up in an unhappy household.

No offence but I'm not sure men from elite families will be interested in you if you're not marrying for love. If theyre going down that transactional route, they'll surely want someone from a similar elite family.

I grew up poor so financial stability was important. My husband is from a similar background. We are both city lawyers and earn well but he is the love of my life :) If he had worked in a less well-earning profession, we probably wouldn't be together but the main reason it works is because we're very well suited.

I want kids so am looking for a partner but to be honest don't find myself caring much about how they are as a person or how attracted to them I find myself (providing they are reasonably easy to get along with) opposed to stuff like having lots of money and coming from an elite family since this at least helps secure a future for any DC we have.

Unless you're an Oscar level actress, who could maintain this facade for 50 years, why would any man shackle himself to you when he could have someone who loved him?

You're deluded.

They have to pick someone too and going for someone who doesn’t find them attractive seems a dud deal.

Anyone resembling BJ in any shape of form cannot be considered attractive.

Yanbu for this to be a factor - that's your perogative. Ywbu to pretend to be in love with someone and just use them for material gain.

If you earn well probably best to find someone who earns equally as, if you marry and then it doesn't work out, you may be required to give them more than half.

Therapy is not a bad idea/suggestion.

Especially not someone who was kind, handsome and wealthy. Can’t see what would be in it for him!

Where would you find this mythical man who's happy to be married on your terms?

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xkq5BraESgY

Maybe some one like this

I think this would be a good theme for a new OLD app : )

I totally agree @yakkity and my late DM used to say exactly the same thing to me. I didn’t take any notice of her though and did end up with someone poor who also happened to be abusive. I didn’t bother with men for fifteen years after I split up with him. When I was ready to date again I was only interested in men who were financially stable and I met my now DH who was. I still fancied him and fell in love with him.

Do you come across many pleasant, decent men from elite families seeking a loveless marriage with a woman who doesn't find them attractive?

😆

but to be honest don't find myself caring much about how they are as a person or how attracted to them

It’s fine to want someone who is from a similar class of earns similar to you.
I think sometimes when couples have vastly different salaries it can cause issues.

However, YABVU to not care what they’re like as a person or you’re not attracted to them.

How can you have a lasting relationship if you’re not even compatible?

If you don’t find someone attractive now, you’re definitely not going to when they’re comfortable around you and they’re not making as much of an effort.

What if they’re not a very nice person are you going to leave them and their money or just put up with it?

This screams of having no self respect.

I had one of the poorest childhoods you can imagine and it’s exactly why I am so independent and I teach my DD that it’s on her to work hard and get a good career, rather than rely on a man who could treat you like shit or leave you.