AIBU to ask do you talk about sex?

Yes I got a PM 😮‍💨

Warning to all, there’s a creep sending explicit PMs to people on this thread. Not sure how to report it to MN.

I'm confused.

I wonder whether you're minimising the four year's of no sex. You lost your libido, yes. But why did that mean there was a complete absence of sex? A lower libido would inevitably lead to less sex/less hot sex. But, no sex at all? That sounds indicative of a bigger problem.

30 odd years married, too predictable, he's unwilling to try harder to satisfy me, he wants it much more than I do, we seem to have done a lot of stuff earlier in the marriage, now it's dried up and I'm just not turned on anymore. Marriage is ending, due to a lot of other stuff happening, that made him feel "lonely'. If you can keep it going, talk about it, after years n years and enjoy it, I salute you.

Apparently so .

Been with my dh 25+ years and had a good sex life however he has been on bp tabs for a few years and now can't retain an erection and because of that hasn't even tried for nearly 18 months . Sadly foreplay for him was only ever a precursor to having sex so that doesn't happen either . He doesn't really talk about it and even if anything like that is shown in t.v. we sit in silence . He won't talk about it to his GP .

There are boardgames which might help break the ice
https://metro.co.uk/2022/06/25/sex-card-and-boardgames-for-couples-to-get-competitive-in-the-bedroom-16889962/

There's also OMGyes https://start.omgyes.com/ that you can both look at for ideas.

Been with my Nesting Partner (don't know if the term exists as an acronym here) for 18 years, we've always been open talking about it, even in the years where my libido disappeared and we weren't actively doing much. I've always found it an easy topic to talk about with people generally though. I can't think of any specific advice on how you could help him to open up. We did change things in my early-40s, becoming polyamorous and experimenting with intimacy in different ways, which has improved things immensely.

It sounds like you're in a situation that works for you now then.

@KPPlumbing I'm 62. Sex has always been a chore for me. I could happily have lived my whole life without it.

Do you mind me asking how old you are? Would you have a sex drive with someone else, or are you just no longer attracted in that way to your partner?

@CommonAsMucklowe it just sort of fizzled out for us a couple of years ago and neither of us initiates anything now and we're both happy with that.

Not here to help are you?

op, just start talking about it and see what happens. If you weren’t shy before, there is no reason you became it.

Married 26 years. We’ve always talked about it, it’s a big part of our relationship. Longest dry spell we had was over 10 years ago for six weeks after I had a hysterectomy.

Definitely try texting. It’s much easier to be open.

Ditto. And it's all because of me. I now live with my friend not my partner. I just can't.

Kind of in the same situation. Mid forties no sex drive for the past 5ish years. It's come back and now I am a bit more adventurous but husband very much still shut down. Started to introduce some more sexy undies and so on. He likes it all also not yet opening up. Ii feel like I am trying to undo years of me pushing him away as I just want in the mood.

Talk about sex all the time. In the pub, on the sofa, whilst cooking together….it’s a normal a health part of our marriage. Always careful to be out of the earshot of kids.
im quite vocal during the act and he will often have to stop and remind me to be quiet. It’s strange that you can’t discuss such an important aspect of a healthy relationship, but can manage to take your clothes off and do the deed?

A sex scene on a film is usually good. You can make conversation about their technique and how much they are enjoying it. Hopefully should get a stork on for your fella with just the discussion and visual.

Give him time - 4 years of a barren wasteland will take a bit of turning round!

This. When I was married we talked about it a lot! Just like discussions around getting married and having kids, what we wanted from life, for dinner that day, etc! It’s a normal part of life.

We went to see a sex therapist. It sounds cringey but it was basically counselling in relation to sexual issues from a previous trauma.

I can honestly say it saved my marriage.