Those living in towns and cities, can you really be anonymous?

I went to school there and worked there for a few years and it still didn't happen. My friend lives in walthamstow and she says you virtually have to make an appointment to bump into someone in the street

I have forever been served by the barmaid from my local who was working in a pubnin Melbourne and bumped into a few people I knew in Thailand

As soon as I leave my area of south London I’m pretty much completely anonymous and I love it. Occasionally I’ll bump into someone I know elsewhere in London but it’s rare

@Slatterndisgrace I totally get you and it’s one reason I won’t live in villages as my one and only experience was everyone wanting to know the ins and outs of a ducks arse.

I live in a village and I'm pretty anonymous, I don't know many people here and those I do, I don't know well, so can't imagine anyone would have any interested in gossiping about me. I didn't grow up in this area though and kids are at secondary school several miles away.
However every time I set foot in Liverpool I'll be spotted by a distant relative or two so I don't think anonymity is guaranteed anywhere if your family is well known enough

Its blissful.
I had an awful time about 7 years ago in my old home.
Everyone chatting and gossiping everyone knew everyone etc i was on the posh side of town had hated it with passion.
Long story short moved to a housing estate and bloody love it strangely its more quieter and peaceful.
Most of all im left alone.

I live in a biggish town and tbh not alot of people know me.
And i like it that way.
No chit chatting to my neighbours i say a quick hi morning whatever or if i see them thats it dont know their names either.

@Slatterndisgrace my personal choice is bigger places but with a network of people you can at least recognise and chat with and say good morning to etc without knowing all your business - we live in Bath and I tend to like these ‘very small cities’ or medium sized but nice towns - London suprisingly can be quite good too as it tends to separate off into lots of ‘large villages/small towns ’ in many parts with plenty going on in each bit .

Yeah, it’s good in a way, I’ll never be gossiped about! but it’s quite lonely. It’s also very different for my children here. People don’t tend to do play dates after school, or try to make friendships with other parents as they just don’t need to, as they have all their family and friends they have grown up with. There’s no need for anyone outside that. I’ve tried to invite people over or to do stuff and they have been quite upfront and honest in that they are so busy with family and friends they don’t have time and aren’t really interested.

It is absolutely possible to be anonymous in a city. After three years living in my flat in London, I knew the name of only one of my neighbours.

I hated it. London was the loneliest and most unfriendly place I have lived. I knew more people after 6 months in Barcelona and I barely spoke the language. So be careful what you wish for.

Now back to living in a small village and I know most of the inhabitants to say hello to.

I lived in London for 2 years, I never knew any of my neighbours, not even those next door. I didn't even know what they looked like. I didn't know anyone in the block of flats I lived in and I didn't know anyone in the area. To me it was so horrible, no one said hi, no one commented on the weather and no one would have noticed if I'd died in there.

Not unreasonable to post or moan - it sounds stifling. If there’s genuinely no way you can move, then focus on building more friendships in the wider area - and get out of the village as much as possible!

I’ve also discovered that about Liverpool. I live in Nottingham and no one really talks to you. I’m Liverpool everyone does!

I don't think you can tar all villages with the same brush. Same goes for cities and towns. It completely depends on who you are as a person, the people living around you, whereabouts you are....

Me and DH live in a small village and absolutely love it. We're not "anonymous" but it isn't the type of place where people stick their nose into others business.

We get on well with our neighbours, local shopkeepers, landlords etc but the most conversation we have is small talk and friendly chit chat. None of them would have a clue about our personal life and vice versa which is how we like it.

so if you didn’t go to school with someone, or you aren’t family, or don’t know their nan or cousin, no bugger is interested.

I spent a few years in a tiny Scottish village just outside a small market town and found much the same: people knew who I was because obviously they knew me; but because they weren’t invested in me, there was no juicy gossip to spread about me, or information to reel back to their mum or their best mates because we all knew each other from school, and nobody gave a shit.

I used to live in West London, in a lovely place with a little high street. Such a sense of community with the pubs, cafes, parks etc. Everyone knew everyone. Which was good, until you didn’t want everyone at the pub gossiping about your business. I’d walk the little Main Street and always bump into someone to say hi to, I could pop into the pub and there would be come one I knew to chat with.

I now live in a smallish town in the midlands. Been here 5 years and god, it’s hard. I would say that yes, I am totally anonymous here, no one seems to leave here, so if you didn’t go to school with someone, or you aren’t family, or don’t know their nan or cousin, no bugger is interested.

I did once live in a small village in Norfolk for a few years. That was hell on earth. It was all pitchforks at dawn. Just awful.

I think you’re more anonymous in a city than the country - I live rurally and everyone knows each other.

Do you have children / are they quite young? Once you’re no longer involved in school runs and your children are at secondary school and you don’t really know their friends and their friends’ parents, you may find it becomes a lot less intense as there isn’t that level of connection and inter-interest, nor the parental competitiveness and judgment.

Do you work in the local area, or outside it? Living and working right in the heart of the community can be tough.

I really struggle with small town thinking and judging too.

It sounds as if a move somewhere bigger is definitely worth a trial, OP.