Financial issues with partner

OMG. This is untenable.

As others have said - do a proper budget - money saving expert has a good template. Work out what are joint costs, vs what are your individual costs.

Your individual costs are things like getting your hair cut and any nights out with your mates - not food and kids clothes FFS. Joint costs get split proportional to income and come out of a joint account - work out the Standing Order that each of you need to put in every month. If he moans remind him he is paying no rent or housing costs because you have subsidized that.

Don’t understand the relationship to your benefits and his taxes so his accountant needs to fully explain that to you both so you can make an informed decision as to what is the best course of action for you as a household - not him personally.

She owns the house so she is better off not married.

You absolutely should be claiming every benefit you are entitled to.

If that is going to mess up his tax or whatever the accountant reckons, then the alternative is that he pays for far more than he does.

You made a rod for your own back by taking on the responsibility of paying for everything. Now you need to turn this around. And stand firm on it.

From now on, if he's not "allowing" you to claim benefits, then before you pay for anything, you show him the bill, or the price of whatever the children need, or whateverelse it is, and say "this is what needs to be paid/bought. Please transfer me your 50% share asap" as I can't spend the money without your contribution. If you don't/won't/can't, then I AM going to claim the benefits. The choice is yours"

What the hell does he spend his money on? Treating himself I bet.

Tell him he either starts paying half of everything or he gets lost. He's a selfish prick.

It pays for OP not to be married here in some ways, the house is hers & hers alone.

Minimum claim the benefots

realistically get rid it is your house he hasn’t paid towards it so send him packing claim benefits and CMS

@Littleredpanda23 please don't accept this anymore from him. Many posters have given sound advice on making him share expenses, and if he won't, quite simply, he needs to leave, because that shows he quite clearly doesn't care about you or his child/children

She absolutely does not want to be married to him - she owns her own house, and marriage could mean he attempts to claim half in the event of divorce.

And the childcare and housework. He's using you, living in your house rent free. Cf!

Agree with this — you ARE in a vulnerable position and you are the one that’s being penalised financially by doing more of the childcare and it impacting your income. He absolutely needs to pay more. Sorry to say this, but if he refuses, you need to become a single household and apply for benefits yourself.

Either he pays you more financially OR
you apply for additional benefits!!!

Why are you protecting him so much it you’re not even benefitting from it? Why are you not married. So many people do not protect themselves financially before starting families and having children. You are supposed to be a partnership.

Why aren't you married? You are in a hugely vulnerable position and if he refuses marriage/civil partnership then ideally you need to work more and he needs to pay 50% of the childcare costs (realise finding childcare can be an issue). This is why having kids outside of marriage often screws the woman.

You need to ask to sit down and make an excel planning sheet of all money coming in for each of you, and a separate list of all household outgoings.

You should also estimate how much food, kids activities, misc (for days out etc) would cost in a month and factor these in.

For all outgoings, including those in the second paragraph, they should be split in half and consider getting a joint bank account where this is put in each month.

This means both of you are contributing evenly, and you have the rest of your money for your own personal bills / hobbies etc.

If he refuses to do this, you tell him you will be applying for any benefits you would be entitled to despite his income and how it affects it, as you can no longer afford to do it on your own.

If he isnt willing to pull his weight, do you really want to be stuck with him forever?

She can only do that if she kicks him out first

Are you afraid of him turning nasty?

You’d be better off with him not living with you and claiming child maintenance. Get rid or as a previous poster says, claim and then it’s his responsibility to sort the tax out.

Why are you putting up with this! Letting you and your children struggle while he sits on his income.
Make a list today of all household bills, food, children's clothes/ shoes, extra curricular activities, and add an amount to cover emergencies (basically everything you spend except house maintenance and insurance). Sit down together and show him. From now on split everything proportionally to your incomes, decide on a figure and have him set up a monthly standing order to you.
'He doesn't see/ doesn't realise' is not an excuse. Make him see.
If he argues or will not discuss, ask him to leave, put in a claim for UC and CMS and live your life without this additional drain on your emotions and your finances.

They're not married.

apply for all the benefits, let it be charged back to him in tax (suggest he get a second job if he doesn’t earn enough from this one) and look into what else you’d get if you were single. He pays half the bills.thats it. Bills would be lower without him, would the benefits and single discounts cover it?

Divorce, this is financial abuse.

and before you do get copies of all his pay documents so you can prove deprivation of money if he tries to pretend he earns nothing!

all child expenses should be halved and you should pay bills proportionally according to income.

Approach him to discuss and if he won’t, serve him divorce papers

He should be contributing to all expenses on an income % not half. You are saving him the cost of childcare by working PT but he needs to be contributing to home and child expenses on a fair basis.

Stop cooking for him unless he pays half the food bills. Set up a spreadsheet of all other household expenses and split equally. As it is your house he realistically should pay rent too. If he doesn't agree he should leave, it is your house. He is taking advantage of you.

What did I just read?
Extras are things like ice cream and sweets. Not clothes and shoes

YABU for facilitating this foolishness. Why do you have a whole, healthy, employed man not contributing anything to the family finances?

YABU for running yourself into overdraft - again, while maintaining a full, able-bodied man.

YABU for not applying for the benefits you're entirely to - again, to facilitate hos smooth tax arrangements while he gives zero shits about you.

You really need to stand up. Stand up for yourself and your children. You have enough on your plate with a disabled child. You dont need the weight of a pointless dick on top of that.

You need a proper sit down chat about finances OP.

It needs to be: total money in - total money out, whatever is left divide by 2.

If he’s not prepared to do that then it’s time to apply for any help you may be entitled to. If he’s unhappy about that then it’s time to pack his bags and leave them on the doorstep. Not being married doesn’t help you here in that you actually don’t have any right to his money or pension, BUT it does help you in that the house is yours, so he can leave.

From day one you should have made him aware of these expenses and expected him to pay. If he didn't then you keep on, and on, and on until he realises.

How can he not know food is expensive these days?!