Financial issues with partner

I hope the OP is reading all these posts and taking the good advice even if she is not commenting on them.

Same.

Ridiculous. He earns good money and is living rent/mortgage free in your house and still not contributing properly to family expenses. He’s taking you for a fool.

Sorry — what exactly do you disagree with?

Why are couples not getting married before having children - it’s a much better protection.

Yes, she may own her house outright, but she is cash poor… she said she’s £700 into her overdraft and on £12k a year.

If he’s not paying and pulling his weight now, who’s to say he ever will?! I don’t understand why people choose to have children under these kinds of circumstances

I voted YABU because why the hell are you putting up with this?!

Claim everything you are entitled to and kick him out. He doesn't care about you if he can watch you struggle. If you dont want to kick him out, start charging him rent and half the kids expenses.

Seriously, you have to stand up for yourself.

He's seen you coming

Go and get financial and benefit advice of your own

Then make plans.

And collect any financial evidence you can because he and his accountant will hide his earnings when it comes to child support

You have a debt free house or you and your kids so you'll always have a home.

If you claim the benefits you are entitled to plus get CMS claim regarding his children, you will then be able to afford to live.

He is unbelievable. No contribution to housing or his children.

Why are you putting up with this and allowing him to that you and the children so poorly?

Right so he just about pays for himself....

if you kicked him out youd be able to claim full benefit entitlement AND CMS of £700 ish per month...

Not sure what the dilemma is.

He KNOWS you are buying all kids stuff and doesnt give a shit about you or how you struggle.

Like everybody else is saying - you should have a joint account where he should contribute a larger portion of his income, as he earns more and they are his children. OR both of you pay in to your joint account most of your money and just take out an equal amount for your private expenses (not bills or children's stuff, but like your own clothes, cosmetics, etc). If he doesn't agree, chuck him out and claim child maintenance from him... I don't understand why are you so soft and afraid of him... he's taking advantage of you.

Add up all bills

council tax
utilities
food
insurance
phones
etc
then add on more for kids clothes etc each month

then contribute in % relative to income

eg bills total 2k a month
you earn 1300
he earns 3000 therefore contribute 30% to household income so you contribute £600 to bills

that’s the fairest way if you don’t just want one joint account

The only benefit you can claim whilst in a couple with him is Carers Allowance for looking after your disabled DC (assuming they get middle or high rate of the care component).

The reason he and his accountant don't want you to claim that is that they're offsetting some of your tax free allowance against his income. So effectively, because you're a lower earner, he's paying less tax on his income by transferring some of your tax free allowance to himself.

Carers Allowance is a taxable benefit and you'd be earning too much from your job combined with the CA for him to continue doing this.

If you're actually earning £12k per annum, he's only saving £570 in tax per year whilst preventing you from claiming a benefit that is worth over £4k to you.

He's a prize twat and a financial abuser OP. He's not even a very clever financial abuser because if he was, he'd have you claim the CA and make you split it with him or somehow take it away from you.

He literally does know he is ripping you iff and not paying you for lodging, care, and food. Of course he knows. Don’t be ridiculous. And don’t be more of a fool than you already are.

Hi
I cannot believe that this man thinks that it’s acceptable for you to shoulder this amount of responsibility for household bills. IMO
he is earning approximately 5 times what you are earning. He should be paying 4/5ths if everything PLUS rent to you as it’s your house. In other words your meagre income should be yours to spend or save as you choose. I would not consider this man as a respectful, loving husband/partner. Get rid of him. You’d be better off all round. Financially and emotionally.
Look after yourself and get on with ejecting this selfish piece of s..t from your family.

You are together and have kids - of which you are the primary carer for them. Yet you HALF bills?!?!? Sorry, I couldn’t even read past that as I’m baffled. Being in a relationship with children, the finances should be one pot: the fact that your earnings cannot be maximised due to the fact that you look after your joint children yet somehow he benefits by living in your paid off home and has no rent costs but only contributes half to bills? I’ve never heard of anyone more scummy than him and I’m sorry to say but you’re fully being taken advantage of

Kick him out, he's horrible.

Why doesn't he care about you and his children? It's sociopathic to sit on his money and let you get ground into dust.

Please read! They are not married.

I'm really REALLY fed up of these endless Cocklodger threads.

I don't know who I'm angrier with - the Cocklodgers or the hapless stupid women who go along with it for more than a week.

Agree, he's a cocklodger. Tell him he either pays half of the kids expenses/animal expenses/insurances/food, or you'll start claiming the benefits you're entitled to. If he doesn't like it he can leave and start paying rent somewhere and you'll also claim child support. Remind him you're working part time to support your disabled child.

Half of all bills would be a good starting point.

Can’t you have a joint account where joint bills (food, energy, kids) comes out of? My dp also doesn’t think of what the kids need in terms of clothing, school trip payments etc, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t pay.

They have a household income of over £70k and he should be supporting his children and his partner.

Disagree because she owns the house outright with no mortgage.

Her best option is for him to pay a fair share of costs

If he won't, he will need to leave so she can claim CM and benefits.

Either way the status quo is untenable.

OP why are you allowing this man to mug you off?

Stop paying for all the extras! Tell him that you paid for x years, now it is his turn.
Also ask him if he prefers for you to go FT and organise (and pay for) childcare and a cleaner.
or if he accepts that you being part time if for the household’s benefit.
Lastly, claim any benefit you are entitled to. His accountant sounds lazy.

This sounds like it could be bordering financial abuse. Your working part time to raise a disabled child who is the responsibility of both you and your partner. You should either have joint finances or he should be topping up your income.