Financial issues with partner

This man has been taking the piss out of you for years and he seems determined to continue.

If you want to end your life of poverty you need to show the cheeky fucker the door, apply for any benefits you are entitled to and submit a claim to CSA.

I know it's not as simple as just throwing him out but with the information you have given I cannot see another solution to your predicament which doesn't leave you repeatedly fighting to get him to take financial responsibility for his children. He simply doesn't want to pay his way and he will make it as difficult as possible for you to get anything like a fair contribution out of him.

This

Hang on a min Thought Mr 50/50 was all about equality Thats what im always being told on the "who pays on dates" threads when i point out that splitting the bill doesnt mean he believes in equality

So you live together, in the home that you own outright, and he makes no financial contribution to the household at all?
You pay all the bills and living expenses on £12000 a year. He has up to £60000 a year coming in, but does not give anything to you from that.
What does he do with his money? Why is he not paying at least half of bills etc? Does he give any reasoning for this? Why should you take on extra hours to pay bills when he is essentially living for free.
Sorry, I'm slightly dumbfounded by this!

His taxes are his problem. He either pays you what you are missing out on in benefits or you claim them.

He can also start paying a rental contribution . I don’t see why he shouldn’t pay for a roof over his head when you are the one that provides it

You’re playing Russian Roulette with your future, @Littleredpanda23 . Not only are you skipping out on benefits you would be entitled to, by working PT to support his children, you’re creating a giant black hole in your pension. He could literally walk away tomorrow and owe you precisely zero for all of the gaps in your pension.

Good luck.

Why on earth did you have multiple kids with this man when you knew what he was like? I don’t have a problem with you doing most the housework (within reason) etc seeing as you only work part time but not if he isn’t contributing more of his salary.

what was the reason you didn’t charge him rent when he first moved in? He has had free accommodation for years now at your expense? I don’t understand why you let that happen? It’s the same with all the extra costs. I don’t understand why you have chosen to do that?

Id call a meeting with him where you can present him with all the facts and figures so that he can see for himself how he is shafting you. Go through your last six months worth of statements and ask him to do the same. Find out the cost of extra childcare and the cost of a cleaner. Also look at the cost of accommodation and let him know how much he is saving himself. Get the actual facts about what you could be claiming now and what you could claim if you separated. You and him have a relationship that’s not a proper partnership.

Id look at ways to increase your own earnings if possible. Could you work weekends or evenings when he could look after the kids, ( I know that might not be possible)

You’d be better off without him tbh.

Why have you not asked him to pay his way????

Sorry but it really doesn't fucking matter whether it "crosses his mind" or not!!! It is stuff that needs paying and he needs to be paying half towards it all. End of story.

My DH doesn't know what any of our money goes on as I sort all the finances (my choice!). We have both our salaries paid into a joint account and everything needed for the household - and everyone in it - gets paid out of it.

I have seen so many of these threads recently and cannot comprehend how many men are happy to see their wives / mother of their child(ren) absolutely skint whilst they're earning a high wage. And how many women just accept this is the way it is and are going into debt for their household and children whilst their husband is most likely stashing cash away. How can any man or parent do this?!?! Seriously?!

Goodness me. What a selfish twat. You need to be paying bills, vet bills, everything for children on a wage percentage basis. And let him help out around the house and with the kids. What is he actually bringing to this relationship because he just sounds like a lazy, selfish cocklodger who gives zero shits about you or his children.

Most benefits are means tested on household income, so op would not qualify all the time he lives there.

Ah lovey this isn't right. Personally I wouldn't tot up percentage of bills etc because he sounds the type of person who wouldn't take a jot of notice or to be reasonable about it if you did. He'd find fault with everything you'd put in front of him and I genuinely don't think it would matter to him as he sounds like his priority is protecting his own money.
I would seriously take a look at entitledto and fill the form in as if you were a single mum living alone and you will see just how much you would be better off as such and how much better off mentally too if you saw sense and got rid of this man who has been happy to watch and see you struggle and yet do nothing.
Life is so short, it really is and you deserve to be respected and to have someone who doesn't see you as a cashcow but as a partner. I wish you well, please please think about giving your self a better chance in life.

This is common form of financial abuse OP.

DP is building up his pension and savings at your and your children’s expense.

You need to get in contact with organisations who can talk you through this type of financial control.

Get married and get a joint account.
Or charge him rent at the full market rate.
Or get rid.

Do you really think a discussion before would have likely changed things? Even then, some men promise the world and then it simply doesn't happen.

Would be more benefits if they had to pay for her rent too.

It def sounds like financial abuse. Either assertiveness needs to be employed, or he needs to leave the property - it’s not a partnership

Any man who watches the mother of his children
earn just £12,000 a year AND
do all the housework
buy everything for the kids
look after the kids including one with special needs
have no money for herself
struggle with mental health issues and ongoing stress due to all the above
and yet pays half of everything and lives in her paid for house and says she should get another job

is an absolute scumbag.

how on earth could you cope on your own? You should be married to protect yourself.

See I still think it’s terrible that this wasn’t discussed prior to having children.

Another person on benefits now 🤷‍♀️

He's taking the utter piss out of you.

So you pay over 50% of the outgoings
Do all childcare
Do all housework (and cooking?)

He meanwhile pays less than 50% and that's it.

On what planet is that fair? How are you both justifying this?

In OP's case it would mean him having a claim on her house. Now she can just kick him out and she doesn't have to sell it and give him any of the money.

Exactly this. All our money is shared. We use one credit card and he pays it off each month and then his spare money moves to my joint account (where my wages are paid) for all remaining bills. If he needs cash he moves it out of the joint account but gives me a heads up so that I know I’ve kept enough in there for bills (I like to move out leftovers into savings account for holidays rather than waste it)

Do you tell him ? He may 'not think' but if you don't tell him he won't ever know (not that I believe that for a second)

Hopefully this is a wake up call for you as to the financial abuse.

OP this is horrible behavior on his side. Yes in many relationships one of the couple (often the mom) takes on the responsibility of ordering and paying for clothes, shoes, clubs etc., but that does not mean the other one doesn’t contribute financially!

No decent person would do this.

So tell him.

"I had to buy xyz, it was xxxx you owe me half"