Page 5 | Financial issues with partner

Littleredpanda23 · 2025-06-16T10:43:15+00:00

My partner is self employed and earns around £50,000 - 60,000 a year, I work part time and earn about £12,000 a year. We're NOT married and we have kids, one has special needs (hence why realistically i can only work part time unfortunately). As my partner is self employed the only benefits I receive are child benefit and child disability (so about £300 a month or so), apparently his accountant says it would mess up his taxes or something if I applied for any other benefits I'm entitled to....so in total I have about £1300 a month income. I bought the house (myself) many years ago so we have no mortgage. We half all the bills. I pay for all the extras (that he never even thinks about) such as kids clothes, classes, stuff for pets, vet bils, home insurance, food, etc. I also do ALL of the housework, child care and general house management/arranging everything stuff....and I am absolutely suffering financially right now! I am currently £700 in overdraft (like every month) and still have an electricity bill due this month and the kids schol uniforms for next year have to be ordered into the school by mid July. I never buy anything for myself, no new clothes in years, I can never afford to meet friends for meals, etc. My full wage goes on bills and kid related things. I'm actually falling into I'll health due to the constant 24/7 worry about money and was actually recently in hospital with heart issues/high blood pressure. When i ask him to take over some of my bills for that month or pay for some of the kids things, he (usually) does it but has a go at me and he says I need to take more hours at work or get a second job. Am I wrong for asking him to take on more financially? Even if he'd take all the bills then I'd still be happy to cover the kids stuff and that. Am I in the wrong?

thestudio · 16/06/2025 15:51

This man is a certified cunt.

You and your children will be better off in every sense of the word when you kick him out of your property.

ThatCyanCat · 16/06/2025 15:50

He doesn't love or care about any of you.

Michele09 · 16/06/2025 15:50

Addictforanex · 16/06/2025 15:42

£60k is a lovely amount of income if you don’t have many outgoings because you are a financially abusive, tax avoiding, cocklodger.

He will feel a lot less flush when he needs to stump up rent for a 2 bedroom place, all bills for his Batchelor pad, provide a bedroom and stuff for his child during his EOWs and pay child maintenance.

2 kids

Vaxtable · 16/06/2025 15:48

I would work out all the bills, add on everything for the kids

then tell him he pays half of that figure each month, or you claim the top up benefits, which is it?

Addictforanex · 16/06/2025 15:42

£60k is a lovely amount of income if you don’t have many outgoings because you are a financially abusive, tax avoiding, cocklodger.

He will feel a lot less flush when he needs to stump up rent for a 2 bedroom place, all bills for his Batchelor pad, provide a bedroom and stuff for his child during his EOWs and pay child maintenance.

MyHouseInThePrairie · 16/06/2025 15:41

Littleredpanda23 · 16/06/2025 14:59

Thanks everyone, I have read all of the comments and I am taking all of the advice on board.
I think someone asked about the kids, yes they are both his children and he doesn't spend his money on himself as such but has it in an account which he saves it in. I dont have access to this account and he basically pretends it doesn't exist. He uses a small amount of his pay each month to live off and puts the rest into this account.
I actually called him there to ask him to have a chat with his accountant about me applying for top benefits, find out exactly how that would impact his tax contributions but he's refusing to do it, says it would increase his tax to much and he's not discussing it any further.

That’s only worth doing if you desperately want to stay with him without demanding he is paying his fair share. Which starts with paying for HIS children.

Is it what you want? To stay with someone who is fleecing you so he can build his nice nest kf money whilst you get more and more into debt?

curious79 · 16/06/2025 15:41

starts charging him rent (the tight fisted user)

Cosyblankets · 16/06/2025 15:40

Littleredpanda23 · 16/06/2025 14:59

Thanks everyone, I have read all of the comments and I am taking all of the advice on board.
I think someone asked about the kids, yes they are both his children and he doesn't spend his money on himself as such but has it in an account which he saves it in. I dont have access to this account and he basically pretends it doesn't exist. He uses a small amount of his pay each month to live off and puts the rest into this account.
I actually called him there to ask him to have a chat with his accountant about me applying for top benefits, find out exactly how that would impact his tax contributions but he's refusing to do it, says it would increase his tax to much and he's not discussing it any further.

Ok then here are your things. Off you go. Bye

FamBae · 16/06/2025 15:40

I think you're in a stronger position than you realise op, tell him that he needs to contribute to the costs of his children without bitching about it and let you claim full benefits or you'll have no choice but to ask him to leave as you can't afford him. I would also remind him that he would then have full living costs to pay including rent and CM.
Good luck, be strong and don't let him keep sucking you dry 💐

MyHouseInThePrairie · 16/06/2025 15:37

FluffykinsTheFerociousFeralFelineFury · 16/06/2025 14:35

You might be better off if you kicked him out of the house and made him pay child maintenance. Not just financially, but psychologically. It can't be pleasant living with someone who is not just mean, but is actively exploiting you.

This ⬆️⬆️

Or you could try to remind him that CM is £xxxx and really, it might be good if he started to pay that at the very least? You know for your child together?

Chungai · 16/06/2025 15:32

2024onwardsandup · 16/06/2025 15:27

Why would you put up with that? Tell him to move out - claim benefits and maintenance and you’ll be better off

hobestly how can you even think that’s acceptable

Show quote history

This

Fucking hell he's vile, selfish, cruel.

arethereanyleftatall · 16/06/2025 15:29

the people who should be paying for children as much as they can, is the parents, with the taxpayer picking up the remainder of need be.

it needn’t be here, except from the fact that your childrens father is utter scum.

on his wage, it is him who should be paying for his own children, not me via my taxes.

I would be happy to pay tax for you to get him to leave, but paying for his children so this utter cunt can save more, is repulsive.

if you kick him out, which you should have done years ago, at least he will have to pay child maintenance, instead of expecting others to pick up the tab for his own kids.

2024onwardsandup · 16/06/2025 15:27

Littleredpanda23 · 16/06/2025 11:55

@xSideshowAuntSallyXx he literally doesn't even think about the kids clothes/shoes/extras they need/etc. He's never paid for any of that their whole lives, it's always been me that's dealt with that area so it doesn't even cross his mind that they need new shoes regularly or that they need money for school activities or that they cost a fortune in food.

Why would you put up with that? Tell him to move out - claim benefits and maintenance and you’ll be better off

hobestly how can you even think that’s acceptable

FOJN · 16/06/2025 15:26

Hellohelga · 16/06/2025 13:54

Get married and get a joint account.
Or charge him rent at the full market rate.
Or get rid.

The house belongs to OP. If she married the cocklodger he'd just have one more way to screw her over financially.

arethereanyleftatall · 16/06/2025 15:23

Littleredpanda23 · 16/06/2025 14:59

Thanks everyone, I have read all of the comments and I am taking all of the advice on board.
I think someone asked about the kids, yes they are both his children and he doesn't spend his money on himself as such but has it in an account which he saves it in. I dont have access to this account and he basically pretends it doesn't exist. He uses a small amount of his pay each month to live off and puts the rest into this account.
I actually called him there to ask him to have a chat with his accountant about me applying for top benefits, find out exactly how that would impact his tax contributions but he's refusing to do it, says it would increase his tax to much and he's not discussing it any further.

people are supposed to pay the tax they owe op.

that’s kind of how this society works.

if you can’t see that he’s a financially abusive cunt who you should kick out of your house and life today by yourself, then I don’t think anyone here can help you

its your choice to live such a shit life for yourself, but I feel sorry for your children who have no choice but to watch their father treat their mother like shit on his shoe, which they will learn from and copy.

grumpygrape · 16/06/2025 15:22

Littleredpanda23 · 16/06/2025 14:59

Thanks everyone, I have read all of the comments and I am taking all of the advice on board.
I think someone asked about the kids, yes they are both his children and he doesn't spend his money on himself as such but has it in an account which he saves it in. I dont have access to this account and he basically pretends it doesn't exist. He uses a small amount of his pay each month to live off and puts the rest into this account.
I actually called him there to ask him to have a chat with his accountant about me applying for top benefits, find out exactly how that would impact his tax contributions but he's refusing to do it, says it would increase his tax to much and he's not discussing it any further.

He’s saving for the children – Yeah !
He refuses to include you in a discussion with the accountant.

OP, 2 + 2 really does often = 4

Iloveacurry · 16/06/2025 15:21

Ask him to pay rent.

BippidyBoppety · 16/06/2025 15:20

I'm not a tax expert by any means but he's paying a higher rate of tax if he's earning over 50,000 per annum. If he took you on as a junior partner with a part time salary he'd be paying less tax and supplying you with a second income. Do a bit of research, suggest that to him and his reaction will tell you all you need to know. Do you get to see his tax returns? Tell him you'll take on some of the simple admin, invoicing etc - I'm thinking, as others have suggested, he's building a little nest egg. For himself.

Pinky1256 · 16/06/2025 15:19

You don't ask, you have to demand that he pays the bills. You should make a budget and he has to contribute according to his salary, not 50/50. If he doesn't want it, then kick him out, you'll probably get more money if separated.

He should be a partner and wouldn't want to see you suffer every month for money . He should want to spend time with his children and provide for them. Disgusting man, what is the benefit for you in this? He's one more responsibility for you.

Naunet · 16/06/2025 15:18

Littleredpanda23 · 16/06/2025 14:59

Thanks everyone, I have read all of the comments and I am taking all of the advice on board.
I think someone asked about the kids, yes they are both his children and he doesn't spend his money on himself as such but has it in an account which he saves it in. I dont have access to this account and he basically pretends it doesn't exist. He uses a small amount of his pay each month to live off and puts the rest into this account.
I actually called him there to ask him to have a chat with his accountant about me applying for top benefits, find out exactly how that would impact his tax contributions but he's refusing to do it, says it would increase his tax to much and he's not discussing it any further.

Great, just apply then.

FullOfLemons · 16/06/2025 15:17

I’m sorry but his behaviour does not suggest he loves you or his kids.

His contribution seems to be limited to half of your household bills.

You are better off asking him to leave and claiming the benefits plus child maintenance.

If he stays then he needs to handover part of his savings to cover the rent and other expenses he should have been paying in the past.

Addictforanex · 16/06/2025 15:17

Oh OP. What a dickhead response to a more than reasonable question.

I think you should tell him he has no option to “not discuss this any further”. And up the ante - to be honest you claiming more benefits and his tax bill going up a tiny bit doesn’t sound like much of a win to me. He needs to work with you as a team and pay his way and for his children.

Ultimatum time - his options are come to the table and step up like a reasonable human being or you split, he leaves and he pays CMS.

A warning to others. Don’t have kids without getting married - especially to a man that is an arsehole - if you haven’t sorted all the financial values and practicalities out before you fall pregnant. Start as you mean to go on. Don’t be ripped off and taken for a mug.

Cornishpotato · 16/06/2025 15:15

He won't even buy food for his children?

lechatnoir · 16/06/2025 15:15

Then your retort should be - well then if you won't increase your contribution to the household or your children then I will be applying for benefits to cover these costs and you'll have to figure out the tax yourself and that's the end of your discussion on it.

Tight fucker.

FOJN · 16/06/2025 15:09

Caravaggiouch · 16/06/2025 15:02

Where is his money going if you have no mortgage or rent and he doesn’t pay towards his kids?

He's saving. 🤔