Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I flooded the bathroom - DP is angry

87 replies

Moai · 16/06/2025 09:58

Hi all, I could do with some objective thoughts on this.

I managed to flood the floor when I had a shower a couple of days ago and it leaked through to the ceiling of the room below.

DP got really, really angy, threw some things on the floor and shouted at me. I spent a long time sorting it all out. He was still furious, saying things like I ruined our house.

Obvioulsy, I was very annoyed and angry with myself as I should have noticed the water was too high in the shower basin but I never believed it was so high it had escaped the basin.

The water has left a bit of a brown mark on the ceiling below, and this morning I also saw it has left a mark on the kitchen ceiling. (I will soon attempt a vineager/water solution as this seems to be the best bet.)

I have said several times it was a mistake, I will sort it out and that I can't deal with him being so angry. DP continued to shout at me once or twice over the weekend when the issue was raised, and the rest of the time he hardly spoke to me. Is this a normal reaction?

I would never behave like that if anything similar happened to him as it was a genunie (stupid) mistake. We renovated a couple of years ago, and I understand he's gutted. I'm really gutted myself, but currently more concerned with dealing with being very anxious around him rather than the practical issues.

But is the fact that I'm quite a relaxed person and always treat geniune mistakes for what they are clouding my perception, and this is really warranted behaviour from him?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
grumpygrape · 16/06/2025 19:03

Moai · 16/06/2025 18:56

Totally, should obviously have done this. I knew the water was a bit high but didn’t realize how high, and that it had overflowed. ( poor eyesight without glasses made me not see it). So my mistake. But yes, i tend to crumble when anger is directed at me, so im guessing the main question is if i just really need to grow a stronger backbone and not be so affected by negative comments.

Blow your backbone OP.Any half decent partner would have helped investigate the problem and helped fix it. That’s what ‘partners’ do.

I suppose it was your fault the drain was blocked ?

Original poster
Moai · 16/06/2025 18:56

Totally, should obviously have done this. I knew the water was a bit high but didn’t realize how high, and that it had overflowed. ( poor eyesight without glasses made me not see it). So my mistake. But yes, i tend to crumble when anger is directed at me, so im guessing the main question is if i just really need to grow a stronger backbone and not be so affected by negative comments.

OP posts:
nomas · 16/06/2025 15:56

greencartbluecart · 16/06/2025 15:52

Well it was your fault - it’s not a wee splash is it? Quite a bit of water must have gone over - you must have noticed you were paddling in it? The normal thing then is to stop the shower and unblock it before any problems occur

Why is a faulty drain her fault?

greencartbluecart · 16/06/2025 15:52

Well it was your fault - it’s not a wee splash is it? Quite a bit of water must have gone over - you must have noticed you were paddling in it? The normal thing then is to stop the shower and unblock it before any problems occur

Balloonhearts · 16/06/2025 15:46

I'd have the arseache for like a day because htf do you not notice?

But it was an accident, not even your fault, it was blocked! Why is he banging on like you deliberately decided the floors needed a jacuzzi treatment? Just grow up, man, get over it!

nomas · 16/06/2025 15:30

This is no way to live, it’s death by a thousand cuts.

Please get yourself and your DC away from him.

No anger management classes.

No counselling.

Just freedom from him as soon as you can manage it.

frazzledbutcalm · 16/06/2025 15:26

grumpygrape · 16/06/2025 10:07

I've never known a properly fitted shower to overflow unless you had your foot on the drain preventing the water running away.

Misses point of thread unless it was he who fitted the shower.

I have 2 newly fitted bathrooms, both showers overflow and leak 😡 They’re properly fitted, expensive floor line trays and shower units, just still shit! They are rainhead showers and the traps in the trays just aren’t good enough to drain the water away. We have to move the trap cover to half way out and then all is good. It’s VERY annoying given the beautiful rooms I have 🤷🏻‍♀️

On a separate note though … the water shouldn’t leak through to the ceiling below, so OP it sounds like you have issues with your flooring/floor grout.

Walker1178 · 16/06/2025 15:25

get some Polycell stain block, you can buy a spray can version which will cover the marks and stop them from coming through again. It’s magic stuff and if it makes you feel better the only reason I know this is because I too flooded the bathroom once which left a lovely brown mark on the kitchen ceiling below. Your DH is massively overreact

Ruelzdontapplyhere · 16/06/2025 15:14

I think you dh is overreacting if the drain was blocked anyone could have flooded the bathroom it just happened to be you that did it.
My neighbours kids have over run the bath a few times now that's annoying it took out all our electric for 2 days one of the times.

BilderbergPoop · 16/06/2025 15:05

How does he react when something really bad happens? Because, honestly, this is nothing. It’s a brown water stain. Let it dry, then touch up the paint. Shit happens. His reaction is nuts.

WiddlinDiddlin · 16/06/2025 15:04

Yeah thats not normal, nor is it acceptable.

I have lost my shit a couple of times when DP has fucked some shit up - but these were not accidents ie. him totally unaware of what was happening/what might happen... These were incidents where I had specifically told him not to do a thing:

  • Do not attempt to get the old sofa out via the front door, you'll rip the radiator off....
  • Please wipe up any water from this side of the sink asap or it will blow the worktop which can't be fixed and will have to remain blown and fugly looking for the next 10+ years...

And then he does the thing and my prediction turns out to be bang on and I either end up living with something that looks frigging awful (Worktop) or having to shell out a small fortune to fix a radiator over a bank holiday weekend.

Even so - its a blow up, shout about it, finish. No sulking, no repeatedly bringing it up in a nasty way, no repeated shouting about it!

AmelieSummer25 · 16/06/2025 14:50

His reaction is not normal.

just because you've been together 20 years & have kids, doesn't mean you have to stay with the nasty bastard!

grumpygrape · 16/06/2025 14:50

AmelieSummer25 · 16/06/2025 14:45

Ones will shallow trays do, unless you have a literal 2 minute shower.

Show quote history

They shouldn’t do unless incorrectly fitted, or, as OP has said, hers was blocked.

AmelieSummer25 · 16/06/2025 14:45

grumpygrape · 16/06/2025 10:07

I've never known a properly fitted shower to overflow unless you had your foot on the drain preventing the water running away.

Misses point of thread unless it was he who fitted the shower.

Ones will shallow trays do, unless you have a literal 2 minute shower.

KeineBedeutung · 16/06/2025 14:40

I can understand being annoyed at what happened, but that was a massive overreaction on his part - accidents happen!

5foot5 · 16/06/2025 14:32

Anotherparkingthread · 16/06/2025 13:48

I hope you feel better having typed all that out.

I disagree, and 99 percent of the people on here would go spare at their partners for doing something so bafflingly stupid. Op herself says she's far more relaxed about things, which is nonchalance when it comes to breaking things that aren't entirely yours to break.

But then I have a nice house and I like it nice, so perhaps others have lower standards for their homes as well as their partners.

Show quote history

Yet 89% of people on here voted YANBU to the OP, I think your estimate of 99% is way off.

And, once again, I think you have misrepresented what the OP means when she says she is more relaxed about things. To me that doesn't read like she is casual about her treatment of their joint home and possessions. Rather that she is more understanding and tolerant when people screw up and realises the best way forward is to recognise that accidents happen instead of ranting and raving about it for days.

Edited as stupid phone changed YANBU to YABU

PetaMatt · 16/06/2025 14:17

99 percent of the people on here would go spare at their partners for doing something so bafflingly stupid

Don't agree with this at all. If my husband did this I'd be sympathetic and help him fix it- we all fuck up sometimes.

OP, he sounds horrible. Shouting and throwing things is not on.

Nextdoormat · 16/06/2025 14:14

OP, you are incredibly lucky to have a partner who has never in his life made a mistake! He is absolutely unique and an arse. Ignore him. 😂

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 16/06/2025 14:12

This sounds abusive to me. It’s also the kind of thing my exh might have done

Supima · 16/06/2025 14:09

Anotherparkingthread · 16/06/2025 13:48

I hope you feel better having typed all that out.

I disagree, and 99 percent of the people on here would go spare at their partners for doing something so bafflingly stupid. Op herself says she's far more relaxed about things, which is nonchalance when it comes to breaking things that aren't entirely yours to break.

But then I have a nice house and I like it nice, so perhaps others have lower standards for their homes as well as their partners.

Show quote history

No. We have much higher standards when it comes to partners.

Newusernameforthiss · 16/06/2025 14:09

I did EXACTLY this, my husband gave me a hug, did a lot of worried muttering about house insurance and looked very stressed til it dried out. At no point was he horrible to me because it was a mistake. I don't think this is OK, I hope you can get help xx

Someonelookedatmypostinghistorysoichanged · 16/06/2025 14:06

He is b v un and emotional unkind.
it was an accident, stop apologising now. When he mentions it again say something like, I’ve said sorry, it’s fixable can you stop telling me off! I’m not a child and it’s my house too.

PinkPinkPinkBlue · 16/06/2025 13:54

@Moai you need an oil based under coat to paint over the stain, white emulsion over the top the following day and there will be evidence left on the celling.
You need to let it dry out for a day or two before painting it though.

Anotherparkingthread · 16/06/2025 13:48

5foot5 · 16/06/2025 13:00

I think his reaction is pretty normal you nonchalantly did thousands of pounds worth of damage which he is going to have to fix. I assume by his statement that you ruin the house that you break other things. I knew somebody like this, and the lack of respect for nice things or their surroundings was horrible.

@Anotherparkingthread
First of all, there is no way that the amount of damage described is thousands of pounds worth. Ludicrous suggestion! My sister recently had a leak start under her bath that ended up bringing down part of the ceiling. She got the leak fixed and the ceiling repaired and repainted within days for a few hundred pounds.

Secondly, you say "which he is going to have to fix" when the OP has already stated that she has, and is, sorting it out herself.

"Nonchalantly" - you made that up. Nothing in her post suggests that was her attitude.

You "assume" that she breaks other things. Nothing in the post could lead you to assume that. You claim this because the DH says " you ruin the house", as if she makes a habit of damaging things. But if you read more carefully he said "ruined the house" as if he was talking about this one incident.

His reaction is in no way normal and the fact you think it is says much about you. Mind you, given how you have twisted and misinterpreted the OP perhaps one shouldn't be surprised

I hope you feel better having typed all that out.

I disagree, and 99 percent of the people on here would go spare at their partners for doing something so bafflingly stupid. Op herself says she's far more relaxed about things, which is nonchalance when it comes to breaking things that aren't entirely yours to break.

But then I have a nice house and I like it nice, so perhaps others have lower standards for their homes as well as their partners.

Mynewnameis · 16/06/2025 13:35

His reaction isn't normal. It was a blocked drain not you

When you paint the brown patches, use a stain block.