to wonder why parents don’t monitor children’s internet access?

And there’s the problem…right there!

I'm sure she's lovely, but 9 is very young. Bright, well behaved children get drawn in. It's addictive and people out there know exactly how to exploit children. Even really nice, well behaved children.

You're very wise. It does become more challenging at secondary school, but they certainly don't need a smartphone.

Just because other 9yo’s have smartphones doesn’t mean your DD has to have one too 🤷‍♀️

I agree that 9 is far too young for a phone. My niece has had a phone since she was 9 and she spends her whole time on it when meeting up with her cousins, no interaction with them at all. It's sad to see. My 8 year old has a kids kindle tablet that she sometimes uses, mainly on long car journeys but generally spends her time playing with toys. Schools are having such a hard time having to sort out fall outs and bullying that is happening over social media. Bullying has always been a thing of course but now children have no break from it in their safe space at home which is incredibly damaging to kids mental health.

How do you know what she’s accessing via incognito browser??

I think the responses are a bit harsh but the fact is that allowing your child to have a phone at 9 doesn't just involve monitoring their internet access but knowing that you can't monitor their friends. And regardless of how good you are and how sensible your child is. There will be people in her class who are not. They may even have older siblings or people in their house that use the same devices. Nothing apart from a dumb phone is safe at this age.

Everyone whose nine year old has a phone has a reason like you do.

It’s easy to check the phone of a nine year old because they are still compliant. My dd got a dolls house for her ninth birthday.

She didn’t get a phone until she was twelve. So I still had that bargaining tool until she was in her mid teens but your dd is going to be so used to having a phone by then that she may not be so good at letting you look at it.

To be 49 is to be born in 1976 and growing up in the 80s with no internet, to be 25 is being born in 2000 and growing up with internet and iPhones etc. I think it does play a part. I don't understand why people even buy toddlers iPads

You think you're monitoring their access, you're probably only scraping the surface, if that.

You'll soon find it's actually impossible to know what they're doing online/messaging etc.

I would rethink a phone at 9, I really would. If I could bin my 12 and 13 year old phones I would but unfortunately by secondary you don't really have a choice. You do at the moment.

I don't think it's to do with the age of the parents, more their awareness. I think some people are just a bit oblivious of just how toxic it gets for young people.
I've had parents - decent people - sit crying in my office at what their children have been up to online. Those are teenagers, never mind 9 year olds who are even more vulnerable.

None of mine have unlimited access to Internet or phones. If they want to do say homework or watch a video to help them with a game perhaps they ask and it's supervised. I'm not on their shoulder 😂 but I do have software on most devices that will flag up anything appropriate. This is something they know and agree to. As with any messaging with friends. I find it's much easier now when young to start off with limited access than trying to impose them when they are older.

My eldest is 10. I know secondary school is going to change the pressure to have a phone but I'm hoping we can navigate it together with the right balance.

Sometimes because the parents are old and dont know about the dangers out there online. Say what you want about having a child at 16 but at least I'm in touch with current affairs

Schools are spending many hours and too much teacher time sorting all this stuff out. Some of it is alarming. I agree with pp - no 9 yr old should have a smartphone and an iPad.

Because it is actually quite hard. I'm not making excuses, but being realistic. If you have given your child Internet access, the only way to monitor it really well is to sit with them whilst they use it on a shared device, which is time consuming.

Things like checking once a night don't bring up everything they have seen.

Pre approved apps can be misused.

This. She is clearly at risk and you need to stop this now.

I think 9 is much too young for a smartphone. Have you installed a blocker for adult sites at the very least? My parents split when I was young and I had a Nokia that they could text or call me on when I was visiting the other. She can download books and things on a family computer/laptop. A smartphone is just an unnecessary risk at that age imo.

Op you need to give your child a dumb phone only and block numbers apart from family on it. There's absolutely NO reason for a 9 year old to have their own smartphone and ipad!

Your 9yo is way too young to have a phone with internet access. If you need to contact her when she’s with family, a dumb phone will do.

She doesn't deserve to be bullied online ffs.

It's going to happen when kids who are too young have access to things that they are too immature for.

In all honesty you're not keeping that much if an eye if you notice 30 missed calls after the fact.

A much easier fix would be to remove access to the social messaging apps and the (social media?) platforms where the girl is making videos about your daughter.

Its all relative

You could judge people who don't monitor at all. I could judge the fact that your 9 year old a) has a phone b) has an ipad c) knows what youtube is and goes on it.

Mine kid is 8.5 and doesn't.

Another parent could judge that mine has a nintendo switch.

YANBU in principle though. I'm stunned by the amount of screen time a lot of junior school kids get and what they are aware of. Kids of 8 &9 obsessed with you tube and tiktok, who know brands like white fox and want skincare for christmas. I'm always delighted by how "babyish" my kids are by comparison. Long may it last.

We know several who are allowed on tablets etc for 1-2 hours every single school night and quite a lot more on weekends.

We have pretty much no screens at all mon to fri.