to wonder why parents don’t monitor children’s internet access?

I do actual advice for once, don't bother checking the lovely childrens devices, check your routers logs, all activity is on there, from the hand shake to the fact the DC friends are on your wifi, it's historical yes, but from within the advanced options you can actually block individual sites, open up different protocols, only allow whatsapp to communicate between x and y time, and only allow whatsapp, no other chat site.
If you can't work it all out, ask?

Too true. They really, really don't. Or they think a retrospective "check" will suffice.

no the other girl would be calling someone else, just brush the issue under the carpet, nothing to see hear, my lot are ok, doesn't affect me.

I think that many parents don’t know how to check their children’s online activity. That and a ridiculously high level of trust in their little darlings.

Plus underlines current advice, which is certainly not iPhones for 9 yr olds!
To add: the latter point is happening in schools, sadly, many parents have a laissez-faire approach, and aren't on board.

The fact that most of your child's friends have a smartphone and social media does not make it acceptable parenting.

Get rid of your daughter's smartphone and get her a basic Nokia.

I can't it's the truth 😉 my own parents were older and had no idea how to even use the laptop they bought let alone what us kids did on it.

Y'all might think I'm way too young to have a 9 year old child but at least Im up to date with the online dangers out there

@User2454664 being street smart on the internet at 15 can be achieved without exposing young children, toddlers and babies to the brain destroying effects of screen usage. It’s not just social media, but screen use which is doing the damage. Please read The Anxious Generation, it’s enlightening.

You are part of the problem @didistutter56 by giving a phone to a 9 year old. Just totally wrong.

No smart phones before 16 is a thing where I live, more and more parents are doing it and someone in your peer group has to go first. Instead of being a sheep.

Safe use of the internet can still be learnt but not via phone.

Echoing a couple of previous posters.. read The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haight (sp?). I think it should be required reading for all parents, especially new parents who can make decisions in a more enlightened way.

I'll play devils advocate, but this over arching concern for the few which something harms, is a bit tiresome. The media and social media will only go ott on the 'bad' story, the one where a teenager managed to order something they shouldn't have over the internet and then ended up in hospital - arrgh horror of horrors! A teenager did something bad and something bad happened to them.
This has happened for millennium, and will continue to do so.

I agree with this. Having "street smarts" in the digital world is just as important for Gen Alpha as knowing how not to get robbed or worse in the real world. Being able to spot red flags or keep yourself safe online is a skill that can only be developed with sufficient pattern recognition. Keeping a child/teen entirely away from the internet is just as harmful as allowing unfiltered access. At some point in their adult lives, they will have to use internet. Having no experience or being told from an early age that the internet is a terrible and dangerous place can have a significant impact on their employability.

There is a local FB women's group with over 10K members and the number of women who fall for phishing or AI scams is staggering. Some post screenshots of messages or emails they received asking if it's a scam and it's mind boggling that they would even believe it's real. That's what happens if women are sheltered from the digital world or led to believe that the only danger online is grooming and once you're an adult, you are invincible to the risks.

Oh behave!!!

Not like this at all in DDs School or the primary school I work in, thank god! DD has a dumb phone for when she's away from me with family etc and works fine, definitely doesn't need a smart phone for that. So glad we haven't done it yet from what you're describing. She isn't left out at all and we have had none of these dramas.
She watches YouTube on the family TV, but only on weekends
She's also 9 and in year 5.

I completely agree @KateDelRick , which is why, I think, the best option is to develop a framework which educates people about the dangers, but also highlight the positives.

Fine words but phones are different to anything we’ve faced before. Read or listen to Jonathan haight. Anyone that gives their child
a phone before secondary is a shit parent whatever they may tell themselves.

I hear what you're saying, @Lonelydave and you make good points.
However. Young people are being drawn into participation on sites which will have a long term impact and destroy families.

Yes I agree to a point, but what I'm trying to say is that if it's not smart phones/internet there will be something else that will take it's place.

When I use leaning curve, I'm using it as 'society as a whole' not just individuals.
Some children will always go down a rabbit hole, or end up in an awful situation no matter how hard parents try.
I'm just saying, don't shut something down because a tiny percentage of something is bad.
I previously brought up my 'What would grandma say?' I still use this, if I'm doing something and it doesn't feel right or I'm somewhere where it could go west, what would my late grandma say.....
If we are brought up to be free thinking, open minded, open to change, open to debate and consequences, then unfortunately bad things will happen to good people. I say this as someone who has life long mental health issues, constantly on tablets for it, but ultimately I am my own person, I made mistakes when I was a child and I probably make more as an adult.

All we can do in put a framework in place, make education open to some of the pitfalls (I know, funding, but...) and engage all of society on this.
Slowly we are forgetting that life is full of pitfalls and problems, we can either engage these and attempt to make it safer, or as an awful lot of people seem to do, which is to blame x for all the problems in the world.

I’m pretty lax about this stuff but even to me a 9 year old having a phone is wild.

Your DD has access to Roblox and you think that’s responsible and safe? I’m not talking about the chat access here, the games themselves are completely unsuitable and the age ratings have been continually useless allowing access to games like beating up pregnant women.

You're right, they don't check, or it's just a quick review, or their child is well behaved, or "it's a learning curve". Parents like @Yorkshiremum80 have got it right, that's the way to manage use and prevent serious problems.

You’re getting abuse because you’re part of the problem.

Our Y7 has a dumb phone (Nokia) and won’t be getting a smart phone till at least 15. Yes, her friends all have smart phones.

I get your daughter needs a phone for coparenting communication, that doesn’t mean it had to be a smart phone, absolutely not at 9!

Our DD uses an old laptop for homework and can only use it when sat directly next to one of us.

Other children using social media is terrible, but by allowing your child to have a smart phone (at 9!) still makes you part of the social media problem for young children regardless of how nice you think she is.

🙄🙄🙄

Agreed. Parents may think they are checking but children and teenagers will likely be tech savvy and one step ahead of parents. Of course that doesn’t mean stop checking altogether, but I wouldn’t necessarily feel comforted by not seeing anything as their true online activity may be being concealed. Social media and the online world is pretty scary and I don’t know what the solution is

You're obviously not doing a good enough job if your 9yo is having problems online. Just take the phone away. A 9yo doesn't need a phone or unsupervised internet access at all. Far too young. What's the point on checking it if you're not going to do anything about what you find?

Read Jonathan Haidt.