To be quite tired of people rubbing it in how much better their kids are than mine

I have two autistic/ADHD DC who are a very long way from being gifted. I am AuHD myself.

All I will say is comparison is the thief of joy.

You don’t need to compete. You don’t need to compare. Drop the rope.

Our path sometimes looks very different, and that’s without a concussion. Your boy sounds fabulous.

OP I have no idea if this is helpful as obviously don't have access to your son's medical history but I got concussion after having a seizure in the street due to sepsis a few months ago. I was really, really not ok until very recently - couldn't work etc, it felt like my brain was working in slow motion - but just this weekend I seem to be snapping out of it. I also have autism and ADHD.

Hopefully your boy will also get back to how he was! Ignore the idiots x

Purely from your post, I wonder if the people in the music group are saying overtly their DCs are gifted or drawing comparisons, or if you’re hearing/assuming that meaning?

Your second sentence - ‘He has in the past been identified as academically and musically gifted…’ suggests you put store in these labels. I wonder if you can reframe your son’s passions and achievements from a different lens - ie in spite of his challenges he continues to enjoy and embrace music like others in his band/orchestra/school, and is all the more remarkable for that.

Of course if the other families have overtly drawn comparisons or said and meant hurtful things then of course stop socialising with them (or have a word with the organisers). I can’t believe that all (or the majority) of these parents would say or even think those comparisons in relation to your child. More likely they’re just looking for validation that their own child is doing well and being oblivious to how it might make you feel (which of course can still be hurtful to you but perhaps less-so than if there was the intent)?

They are competing with you (because they’re insecure) but you don’t need and shouldn’t compete with them. Ignore them. Encourage your son in what he enjoys.