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AIBU?

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Original poster

No presents for kids party - welcome request?

37 replies

pourmeadrinkpls · 15/06/2025 23:14

About to throw my first party for my 4yo and I don't want any presents. I feel my DC has enough and its just a waste of money. I would like a card for my DC though or maybe something small, but then I think that will confuse people. How do I word this? Will it make other parents feel grabby when its time for their DCs birthdays? I'm hoping it will be a welcome request but you never know with parents. AIBU to request no gifts? What would you think?

OP posts:
Original poster
pourmeadrinkpls · 15/06/2025 23:32

OK thanks everyone, I'm glad I asked. I just feel uncomfortable about the whole thing. Parenting in this world is a new experience for sure!

Ok so another question I have, would it be ok to not open the gifts in front of everyone? That too I find weird especially as not everyone can afford to spend the same. The last party my friend went to, she said the child just ripped open all the gifts not even noticing what they received or who it was from.

OP posts:
SummerInSun · 15/06/2025 23:30

I understand where you are coming from but I absolutely hate it when people do that - it’s is NOT a welcome relief. Because it still feels wrong to me to accept hospitality and come empty handed, and I don’t want my children to think it’s ok to do that. If I was going to an adult party, I’d always say “what can I bring?”, host will always say “nothing” and I’ll always show up with wine or flowers or chocolates or something. That’s basic good manners and what I want to teach my kids.

Totally sympathise with you not wanting lots of plastic tat though, so I agree with PP’s suggestion to say something like “presents not necessary but if you would like to gift something, DC would love a book that your DC has enjoyed”. If you then get 12 copies of the Gruffalo, just donate them.

WinSomeandLoseSome · 15/06/2025 23:28

pourmeadrinkpls · 15/06/2025 23:24

Thanks for the replies, my DC will already be getting so many presents from family as well and already has so much stuff. Don't you think its a good idea to set them up from the start to not think its all about the presents, I see grown people here always complaining about gifts they get or that they don't get enough or someone hasn't spent enough. It's definitely interesting to see the replies on here.

No. It’s part of the birthday experience. You are making this all about you and what you want and not about him.

Jellycatspyjamas · 15/06/2025 23:28

When you’re 4 the presents are definitely part of it - there’s lots of time between now and adulthood to teach gratitude and perspective.

Original poster
pourmeadrinkpls · 15/06/2025 23:27

I think I also feel inviting people seems grabby, they have started a new nursery so I thought this was a good way to meet friends and it feels wrong to get gifts. I'm not sure why I feel this way, I think because parties were always quite low key when I was growing up and now they seem very OTT.

OP posts:
Original poster
pourmeadrinkpls · 15/06/2025 23:24

Thanks for the replies, my DC will already be getting so many presents from family as well and already has so much stuff. Don't you think its a good idea to set them up from the start to not think its all about the presents, I see grown people here always complaining about gifts they get or that they don't get enough or someone hasn't spent enough. It's definitely interesting to see the replies on here.

OP posts:
TartanMammy · 15/06/2025 23:23

Just put "presents not necessary" on the invite. Most people will probably bring one anyway as it feels wrong to go to a party empty handed, especially for a child.

If you put something like "cards only please" they will think you're angling for cash and it could be perceived as cheeky/rude.

murasaki · 15/06/2025 23:20

I'd just not send a note, accept the gifts that are kindly sent, and then donate to a shelter/refuge or something later on.

IReallyLoveItHere · 15/06/2025 23:19

Hell yes, but I think unfair on your 4yo. It's all part of the party.

Do suggest no Xmas gifts or a secret santa when the time comes though.

LemonyPicket · 15/06/2025 23:18

Or you could ask for money, “we’d be grateful for a very small contribution towards something he’s been saving for” but if anything that sounds more grabby

LemonyPicket · 15/06/2025 23:16

I think this might be a bit rubbish for your 4yo. I get the idea but he will start going to other people’s parties who get presents and probably think, why didn’t I get any?

I would be tempted to add a note in the invite saying something like “presents not necessary but if you would like to gift something then we’d be grateful for a book or a book token, thank you!” Which would limit the tat coming into your house. I think it still sounds a bit holier than thou and I would do a bit of a mental eye roll if I received that invite for my child.

Dazzlemered · 15/06/2025 23:16

Just donate them if you are that bothered. I’d still buy one even if it said no gifts on the invite. My DC love choosing gifts for their friends.