No presents for kids party - welcome request?

I like the idea of asking for books. What about asking for arts and crafts materials? That way your child would still have something fun to open but you wouldn't be stuck with toys they will move on from in a few weeks. Things like colouring pencils and paints will have a lot of use in them.

I think that also gives people wiggle room with their budget- cheap pens and pencils/ paper/ paints aren't the kind of thing a four year old will tut over.

OP, I completely agree with you, though I don't have great suggestions for unwinding this dynamic.

I've noticed kids with less money often don't take up invitations and some families spend extraordinary amounts of money, possibly because they were in a rush, or would feel judged if it were a small gift.

My kid received so much at their very modest party and will never play with those gifts properly. They end up in landfill after a few weeks on their bedroom floor.

I wish schools/PTAs could set some norms about these things, e.g. no more than £5 worth to be gifted. It's too hard for one family to step out of line and try to change things.

And there is so much waste - not just the plastic, but also the money, when there are so many better things that could be done with that money. And the gifts don't make the child happy, even if they expect them, and see their friends getting them.

I wouldn’t bother saying no presents, most would ignore it, as my DC loves picking out specific presents for their friends, as well as receiving them at their birthday party. I personally dislike arriving anywhere I’m expecting people to host me empty-handed. I was brought up that it’s rude to do so, and have passed that on to my DC.

Nobody opens presents while still in attendance at any of the children’s parties I’ve hosted or attended. You take the whole lot home, open them when you’ve recovered from the party, then send thank you notes for specific presents to individuals (my DC prefer to send video thank you’s though!).

Did you read my comment @doglover4ever . It means a lot for young children to choose,wrap and give a gift.

Your view isn’t the minority necessarily I don’t think - I actually agree with you - but you’re overthinking this. It’s a kids party. Let people turn up with presents. Let your kid open them. Intercept a few if you can, hide a few of the less favourites and donate to charity etc. Most people will not be putting themselves into hardship for a small gift for a 4yo, usually here the gifts are worth about £5. It’s not a big deal. Just let him enjoy it.

Donation to a charity of your choice

Don't open the gifts at the party, that's unusual in the UK and can be seen as rude (unless it is a family-only party). It can embarrass people who brought smaller gifts and children can sometimes inadvertently say things like 'i have this already' or 'i hate this colour'.

Have a gift table or spot where people can leave the gifts and take them home to open later. Then send a message to thank people for coming and for the gift.

Couldn't you just ask this of family and close friends instead? You said they'd get tons from family, maybe they'd be a bit more accepting of the idea. Definitely been here before, on occasion the DC have been at a point where we can ask family to put in for a big ticket item - eg bicycle, Nintendo switch, theatre ticket etc but that's not always possible.

I hear what you are saying, but you will probably only host a couple more whole class parties where this will be an issue so I'd just suck it up for now. You can always donate say... Half the gifts afterwards if it's just too overwhelming.

But ask family first, I think that's what I would do.

I did this for my dc once, for reasons to do with the location it was in. It was a mistake, my preschooler sent to so many parties where there were gifts and he missed the joy of having that himself.

Yes I received an invitation to a 5th party this year asking for a cash gift. Not a fan at all.

OP I get where you’re coming from but it really is simpler all round to just say nothing.

I've always wondered if you could have a donation box. My DGS birthday is in February, so not needing any more presents. The whole class was invited so over 20 presents despite being told no presents. It was outrageous to see them all and not cheap either.
Could you do that ? And have the donations for Children charities. ?
Or would it not work ?

When mine were that age we did “coin in a card” so if it was an all class party or even just boys or just girls, it was a home made card with €2 in it. Almost all parents stuck to this and then at the end there was enough to buy a present themselves with their loot!

A four year old wants to take a gift to a party . Choosing ,wrapping and giving is really important for a child that young. Once they are older and cooler ,cash in a card will be fab .

Same here but I learnt very quickly that when people say “oh don’t bring anything!” They don’t usually actually mean that - just as the OP says, she would quite like her son to have some things to open (cards) - and then everyone else ignores the request and I’m the only one who has followed it and turned up empty handed and then feel like a twat. If you put “no presents” then people will still bring presents, sorry.

I think most kids open them at home after the party, don't they?

Other than that, agree with PP who say birthday presents are all part of it for a 4 year old.

And deeply rooted in our culture, so many parents would feel uncomfortable to not give something.

I wouldn't include a note about presents but it's definitely OK to not open them until after the party, that's the norm I'd say.

I will abide by whatever the party rules are on the invite. If you say ‘no presents’ then we wouldn’t bring anything. I don’t understand why someone would ignore the instructions provided. I’m autistic though.

Maybe keep the presents for other kids parties your child will no doubt be invited too next school year .

At parties here nobody opens the gifts until afterwards. I felt the same as you at the 4 year old stage and wrote presents not necessary - everybody but one person totally ignored this so I never tried again

Op unfortunately kids parties involve gifts. It's part of prep / life lessons for adulthood, it's rude to turn up at a party empty handed.

If you don't learn that at kids parties where do you learn it?