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Original poster

To ask for advice on how best to help DS17

35 replies

ArtfulGoldWriter · 15/06/2025 21:52

DS 17 is really struggling socially- he has friends in college but doesn’t seem to be able to make that translate into a social life out of college. He’s trying so hard - texts people to ask if they want to hang out but often doesn’t get a response - he says it’s because people are in existing groups from school so it’s hard to break into that.

Hes had a really rough time- his best friend tragically died of cancer a year ago and he’s struggled. He’s such a lovely kid- really supported his friend when he was ill but now he feels lonely and a bit isolated.

we are trying to help him get a part time job or volunteer somewhere and he wants to go to uni but have a year out- he has another year left of college. He’s quite shy so want to build his confidence but the knock backs aren’t helping. I have thought about some CBT to help him build confidence.

Anyone got any ideas- we are at a bit of a loss- like I say, he has got friends in college - he just wants a social life and it’s making him sad.

OP posts:
parietal · 15/06/2025 22:07

I second volunteering as a good way to meet people.

and when trying to meet college people, the best option is to look around and see who else is lonely. There will be other kids in the class who aren’t in a gang, and those are the kids to approach and chat to.

AreYouBrandNew · 15/06/2025 22:06

definitely sports clubs of some kind - volunteer at park run, cricket, athletics?

Not sure what you have in your area but climbing (roped or bouldering) can be quite a social and friendly space

MigGril · 15/06/2025 22:05

DD doesn't really meet up with friends outside of college. But then she has manic schedule, with 4 A-levels, swimming 5 times a week, young leaders with cubs and work x2 a week.

It's never really bothered her as she is often busy if asked anyway. Encourage him to have a sport or hobby. Volunteering which could be anything from scouting/youth groups to a charity shop can be a good way to learn skills and help get job.

Original poster
ArtfulGoldWriter · 15/06/2025 22:03

Tupperwarefan · 15/06/2025 22:01

My DS17 is just the same so I am watching with interest.

It’s hard isn’t it!

OP posts:
Original poster
ArtfulGoldWriter · 15/06/2025 22:02

Littletreefrog · 15/06/2025 22:01

Would he try football again? Or a part time job?

He’d love a part time job but it’s tricky finding one - we are in a uni town so the students often take the jobs - he’s been applying!

OP posts:
Littletreefrog · 15/06/2025 22:01

Would he try football again? Or a part time job?

Tupperwarefan · 15/06/2025 22:01

My DS17 is just the same so I am watching with interest.

Thelnebriati · 15/06/2025 22:00

If he's not into sports, look for something a bit different like a games cafe. They sometimes have social events that you can just turn up on your own.

Original poster
ArtfulGoldWriter · 15/06/2025 21:59

Timeforsnacks · 15/06/2025 21:56

Sports groups can help teenagers with friendships. There's often a lot of time hanging about before and after, especially if there are competition days. Does he like anything like swimming, football etc?

He was in a footy team for a while but have it up at the end of GCSEs . He does go to the gym and some days in the week with friends when he sees them at college- just not at the weekends which is when he feels lonely

OP posts:
Timeforsnacks · 15/06/2025 21:56

Sports groups can help teenagers with friendships. There's often a lot of time hanging about before and after, especially if there are competition days. Does he like anything like swimming, football etc?