To ask for advice on how best to help DS17

Volunteering at festivals sounds great fun. There's a purpose, but a good chance to meet all sorts of people.

@ArtfulGoldWriter- you could also tell him to join student forums (it was student room.com in my day) - meet other students who’ll be studying his subject and taking a year out. He might be inspired by what some of them are doing in their gap years or even make a few mates (following safety advice obvs)

How about something a bit left field like scuba diving or Morris Dancing*?
Both clubs are very welcoming and friendly. Probably not be others his age there but both groups are very sociable and go out a lot. And getting out widens the people you encounter and gives you something to talk about with your peers. Good for confidence.
*a bit niche I know but had to mention.

It hurts my heart reading about all these dc being lonely. I think as they can communicate online they seem far less inclined to meet up with people in real life. Also seems to be a lack of jobs for them, I’ve been trying to help get my 2 teenage ds a job for months but getting nowhere.

My 16 year old daughter is the same. She’s starting A-levels at college in September so we’re hoping she finds some friends there. I really hope things work out for your boy. It’s hard seeing them lonely isn’t it.

Sorry, I know it’s already been disregarded but I would be encouraging him to go to uni. You’ve already tried the other routes to ease the loneliness (jobs etc) and it’s not working. I have two nephews his age looking for work and they are having no luck at all. I think he risks a whole year of hanging around the house, seeing his peers having fun and moving on with their lives, compounding the issue. Hope it works out

my DS17 is the same. Happy on his college days where he gets interaction with peers, lonely for the 3 days a week he’s not at college and spends pretty much the whole time in his bedroom. I’m searching for PT jobs for him just to get him out of the house but not getting anywhere. He doesn’t do sport, and all my suggestions about starting something (like the gym) get shot down.

Does he need to move away for uni? Is there one he can commute to? You say you live in a uni town so why not pick that one?

Or look at apprenticeships?

He needs a job or hobbies to help meet people.

Has he had bereavement counseling since the death of his friend?

My DS is 18, he hardly goes out. Many dont these days. DS works though so has friends there

My daughter was the same throughout college, and we did a lot of research to try and find something she could join to enable her to meet people, but aside from sports, and church groups (which also seem to end at 18) there was nothing. She had a job, and took up a sport but neither brought friends, just filled a bit of time. I was really sad for her.
Now, a year later she has a boyfriend, and through him a group of 'friends' and things to do. She still struggles with social interaction (on the ASD diagnosis pathway) but at least is finally getting some practice. I'd love, as would she, her to have that special 'best friend' relationship, but have to trust that one day that person will come along.
I hope that happens again one day for your son too.

what is he going to do in his year out? Worry that it could be even worse. Uni could be the answer, as so many societies etc where he can find like minded people. There’s so many organisations etc out there, he should look at joining something of interest, depending what his interests are. Volunteer roles will be required in many places. If he puts himself out there then hopefully friendships will naturally follow.

Another watching with interest as my son very similar.

My DSs best friend died. It was life changing and affected him in many ways. One of which was an avoidance of forging close friendships. You don't need to be a psychologist to understand why. I'm wondering if there's something similar going on with your DS, perhaps on a subconscious level he's not 'available' for friends because hes holding back? I might be way off, but thought it worth mentioning. I don't know if he's had therapy focusing on his bereavement, but it may help.

Would he consider volunteering?? My son was exactly the same. No social life. He's now volunteering with the local heritage railway and absolutely loving it. Good luck for your son, its not easy sometimes x

Im sorry he had to go through that with his friend - such a lot to deal with at that age.
As PP say, CBT can be v helpful and a part time job or volunteering can really help. I’m sure that at uni he will find his people, if he’s open to it. It’s important he realises that some of these interactions are superficial or people might have different priorities, but he’s serving himself by keeping on trying. There’s certainly some other people who feel the same. I wonder if he’s being specific about hanging out - or asking if there are plans he can tag along to?

I have this with DS just a little older. .We stumble along with friendships, sometimes there's a group of 3 to 5 that breaks down, then move to a 1 to 1 friendship, which becomes intense. That fades for some reason. I suggested to DS summer before last to take up volunteering. He's a practical young man. So he's been volunteering one morning a month for the local repair cafe. He moans at me that they are all older people, but they love him to bits because he's keen, good with elderly people, helpful. I've said to him one morning a month is fine for a busy young person to be volunteering and it's good that he does. Hes not sporty or musical, so not sure what else to suggest. He won't be going to uni.

Theres a shortage of lifeguards so he could train as that and then get a job. Plus if he wanted to do something like Camp America etc before uni it would help with that too.

It might be better for him to go to university straight away rather than having a year out? He’ll start with a cohort his age and there’ll be ready made social opportunities and halls so he’d find friends quickly and easily. If he has a year out, with no job it might compound his isolation.

He has had a lot to deal with, losing his best friend as well as starting college.

What are his interests? I’d look to build on those to maintain his self esteem.

What about going to watch a a sport? My ds has made many friends through being a season ticket holder for our local football club, he got talking to lots of the lads who stand in his section and now will meet up with them at other times too.