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AIBU?

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Neighbours - report or just grit my teeth?

209 replies

pinkandpurpleflowers2025 · 15/06/2025 19:27

TLDR: AIBU to grit my teeth even though it's eating me alive?

I moved into my dream home in January. I saved YEARS for this house, sacrificed everything to get it. I adore the house and can see myself living here forever. It's a new build so I'm putting my mark on it and making it my own

It's a brand new estate and while I was the first owner to move in, the 2 Housing Association houses on my road moved in just before Christmas. One family are amazing, we've been back and forth to each other's houses, they've been so kind and generous and helped me loads when I first moved in

The other house, unfortunately they're so difficult. I specifically chose my plot because it was the end of a T junction, only neighbours on one side, nobody to the other side or across the road. My property boundary covers right down my drive and across to the fence on the other side of the road. I am the only property with a front lawn, extending down the side of my drive and right across the cul-de-sac

Since the day I moved in, THOSE neighbours have used the end of my drive as their own personal parking. It's not a public road, and they have a double driveway AND space for a third car to park across their own drive but they and their (multiples times a day) visitors park on my property. They also randomly use other people's driveways which baffles me. Just park anywhere they want. So much entitement. The day the neighbours inbetween us both moved in they arrived to meet the estate agents to collect their keys only to find neighbour's mother parked in their drive. When I did mention how they couldn't park across my drive the mother shrugged and said that is "how it's done around here". THEY MOVED IN 6 WEEKS BEFORE ME!!!!

Their kids use my drive exclusively for their play. I'm not mean, I have kids myself, but their kids will turn my front garden into their football pitch. They're using my plants as their goal posts and have killed off everything I have planted. They ride their bikes on my drive around my car. They leave their bikes on my property for hours, and I'm having to clear 5 or 6 bikes anytime I need to get in my car.They kick their football into my car. I have been out there multiple times telling their kids to mind my fence and plants, reminding them it's MY property and that I don't want damage. The teenagers CLIMB on my fences. And then once I got my Ring doorbell set up I realised that they were letting their dog out to toilet in my front garden because they don't have one (they do have a back garden but dog apparently isn't allowed to use that...)

When I saw the dog out there I immediately went out and asked them to not do that, and the mother went crazy at me, telling me she was watching her dog. I have dogs, but I would never let my dogs out with the sole purpose of using someone else's front garden to have a poo.

Another day I saw the 14 year old son hanging off my fence, again went straight out and told him to get down, told him that he was going to get hurt but that he was also damaging my property. He apologised but has continued to do it daily. I don't have the money to replace or repair 15-20' of fence because he's damaged it.

I'm so worn down. After her behaviour over the dog I don't feel comfortable approaching her anymore. I'm mortgaged and as they're HA I reckon they'll be there for the long haul, and not that I want people to be evicted but that wouldn't even be an option by the sound of it which would make for an extended period of awkwardness.

I keep trying to tell myself to just leave it be, even if it means my property is getting damaged or my partner and I cannot both park on our drive because of their guests parking. If my immediate neighbours don't have both cars on their drive we can get in/out by using their drive (not that we should have to) but when both are home we are blocked in/out and with our jobs we are in and out at all kinds of hours of the day and night. Their visitors are very often there overnight. There hasn't been a single day since I moved in where one of their visitors or themselves haven't parked on my property

But I'm so fed up. What do I do?! How can I make myself just not let this get to me? Or do I report them to the HA? I've moved from a very quiet street where everyone kept entirely to themselves to this and while I love the house I am letting this let to me more than I probably should and it's spoiling what should be such a happy time in life in whatI thought would be my forever home.

I know how much you all love a diagram so attached. The other side of the T junction is exactly the same as my side with private land. And I make a BIG point when my kids are out there playing with the neighbours kids of telling them not to stray onto property that isn't theirs, but their kids freely cycle around the other neighbours [eyewatering expensive] cars and also climb on their fences. Tonight they were all playing hide and seek and letting themselves into any unlocked gardens to hide...

I'm just so torn between keeping peace, turning off the Ring notifications and suffering for the sake of my beautiful home, or speaking up (I'm autistic and dont always articulate well to others) and making things a nightmare for years to come

I have no plans to move.

Neighbours - report or just grit my teeth?
OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
ThatWorthyAquaFox · 15/06/2025 22:23

Id be moving their bikes somewhere random. That will make them think twice about dumping them there.

pinkandpurpleflowers2025 · 15/06/2025 22:23

SameDayNewName · 15/06/2025 22:17

They took their dog over to your house, with the sole intention that it shit on your lawn?!? 😱 Sorry OP, I'm a bit of a wuss too and like to avoid confrontation, but you have to draw the line somewhere - you really can't put up with that.

Even if it is "awkward" with the neighbours, if you report them, it has to be better than the alternative. Plus it sounds like your ignoring issues, might have encouraged their grim behaviour - not that you're in the wrong on any level. But some people are scummy like that. I don't think letting them get away with it, will improve anything - in fact they might get worse because they think they can get away with anything 😬

I do feel for you though. Bad neighbours are awful.

I've found pop a few times and assumed it was a cat's, then 7am one morning I was getting breakfast sorted and spotted the dog on my ring doorbell by chance. Opened the door and saw one of them standing there watching the dog. Told them to make sure they cleaned it up and straight away the wife was storming over saying she was watching the dog from the front door. I asked her why she was watching her dog go around to someone else's garden and she said because I have grass whereas she only has a driveway.

I was tired and stumped that someone would even think that was right. Sure, if they were just out front and their dog strayed and peed I wouldn't have a problem but the nerve of letting your dog out with the sole purpose of using someone else's garden for the toilet is shocking and the longer since it happened the angrier I've become. I've had dogs all of my life and would never ever think that was ok

OP posts:
UltraProcessedLifeGoals · 15/06/2025 22:19

Personally, I don't think working class people should ever have been allowed to own cars, or use the internet. Mumsnet would go veeeeery quiet.....Grin

I'd bring back the feudal system in a heartbeat, although that might wipe out the bog standard middle classes as well. Oh hum.

On a serious note OP, people are just plain horrid. We have endured neighbour issues over the past few years, please prioritise your mental health above all else. We tried to end 5 years of dog abuse perpetrated by a local private tenant, nothing was ever done about it. Our loveliest neighbours rent, it is very much about who we are as individuals.

Sadly, I do believe there is a correlation between not having to use wages to pay for your home and antisocial behaviour. I feel most sorry for those who live amongst them who have no voice (disabled, elderly, etc).

SameDayNewName · 15/06/2025 22:17

They took their dog over to your house, with the sole intention that it shit on your lawn?!? 😱 Sorry OP, I'm a bit of a wuss too and like to avoid confrontation, but you have to draw the line somewhere - you really can't put up with that.

Even if it is "awkward" with the neighbours, if you report them, it has to be better than the alternative. Plus it sounds like your ignoring issues, might have encouraged their grim behaviour - not that you're in the wrong on any level. But some people are scummy like that. I don't think letting them get away with it, will improve anything - in fact they might get worse because they think they can get away with anything 😬

I do feel for you though. Bad neighbours are awful.

holamuchgusto · 15/06/2025 22:16

You need to collect evidence and report to police for antisocial behaviour and report to the housing association. You life can't be made intolerable by someone else.

Violinist64 · 15/06/2025 22:16

wonkymonkey · 15/06/2025 21:53

Could you install those bollards that sink into the ground or can be removed with a key? You and nice neighbours could both have keys. A hassle but perhaps better than the current situation.

Excellent idea.

BethDuttonYeHaw · 15/06/2025 22:16

Report them each and every time.

Lovemycat2023 · 15/06/2025 22:15

I would agree with your suggestion of contacting the developers. Some of the better ones have some good aftercare (mainly because they do surveys and like to be proud of their scores!), and they will also have an ongoing relationship with the HA for the later phases, in most cases.

Sounds grim, good luck.

WearyAuldWumman · 15/06/2025 22:12

Azandme · 15/06/2025 19:39

Report them. I would.

Agree. Report them.

Tiredofallthis101 · 15/06/2025 22:11

I think I would put up one of those bollards that can move up and down to stop them doing it. Then give nice NDNs a key/clicker so they can get their cars out no problem. Something like this https://bollardsecurity.co.uk/product/echo-rise-wireless-battery-powered-automatic-bollard/ Then I would be calling the police for trespassing on your private property/criminal damage where you feel it is warranted or if it gets to a point where you can't cope any more. Sure it is minor but if you record it and prove over time they repeatedly trespassed despite signage then hopefully someone would do something 😐

I definitely wouldn't just put up with it, the longer you let it go on the more they will say 'but we've all let each other use each other's properties for XXX - why change now?'

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winter8090 · 15/06/2025 22:11

Could you make your side garden part
of your back garden and fence it off?
Or chuckles making it less attractive as a play area?

Imisscoffee2021 · 15/06/2025 22:09

Report report report. Dont be scared that they may escalate, if they do report to police. They've shown themselves to be antisocial and at worse bullies, kindly just ignorant of other people. They won't magically get it or miraculously change. Just accept you won't be cordial neighbours but you won't be plagued by their rudeness too if you report them.

My sister had a similar issue re owing the road outside her house and the neigh our opposite parking on it so she couldn't get out of her drive, this person also had loads of other antisocial couldn't give a shit behaviours, she hated living there and communication broke down completely. Gotto nip in bud if you can by reporting or have to accept it, which isn't fair sadly.

CousinBob · 15/06/2025 22:05

I’d shovel up the dog poo and leave it outside their house.

myplace · 15/06/2025 22:02

Are the developers still there? They won’t want a lot of talk about difficult tenants driving down the value of the houses. Talk to them. Ask for advice. Reluctantly mention going on social media to see whether anyone can advise you… They are likely to support you in dealing with the HA. And definitely report repeatedly to the HA.

And get creative. Get a sprinkler on your front lawn that catches the whole area.
And fog horn to blast anyone misbehaving 😅
Use the pot plants and park strategically with your neighbours.
Plant pyracantha.

And if she lets her dog foul your lawn again use loud angry words to make it clear you do not tolerate dog shit on the lawn you mow.

NiceoneSonny · 15/06/2025 22:01

Record everything they do in writing and take pictures of them trespassing on your property. Report them to their housing association. Years ago, HAs had powers to issue ASBOs. I don't know if that's still the case, but they no doubt do have powers over their tenants who are breaching their lease terms, which will probably/hopefully include their conduct towards neighbours. Explore getting fencing/hedging/bollards and prominent CCTV and signage warning that your garden is private property.

parietal · 15/06/2025 22:01

Put moveable posts to block off your driveway. Give nice neighbours a key. Also plenty of signs saying Private NO Parking. And cctv on the drive.

Pussygaloregalapagos · 15/06/2025 21:58

Could you park your own car where their visitors park thus not affording them a space to park there?

wonkymonkey · 15/06/2025 21:53

Could you install those bollards that sink into the ground or can be removed with a key? You and nice neighbours could both have keys. A hassle but perhaps better than the current situation.

Discoprincess6 · 15/06/2025 21:51

Wow I got stressed just reading this. Report them.

Zebedee999 · 15/06/2025 21:50

HA houses are sprinkled throughout new build estates; the aim is to hope their behaviour improves by living amongst decent people. Most HA residents are perfectly fine but some are not. When buying best to find out which are the HA houses and avoid them.

tara66 · 15/06/2025 21:49

Can you write on the road - NO PARKING - PRIVATE PROPERTY and a sign saying ''Vehicles will be Clamped''? There used to be private clampers who would do this sort of thing. The offending parker then has to pay fine to clamper and call them to remove clamp - nothing to do with you. You either have private property or you don't.

GinnyandGeorgia · 15/06/2025 21:48

Of course report, you'd be mad not to!

You are kind of lucky they are not home-owners, it would be a lot more difficult to resolve anything. They have a landlord, I would have reported from week 1!

Why is is always the victims of these bullies who are worried about bad relationships? They have ruined any kind of neighbourly "friendship" already.

notomato · 15/06/2025 21:48

Sorry, haven't RTFT. However, my mum worked in housing for years, both for Local Authorities and Housing Associations, and specialised in ASB. You need to:

  1. Contact the HA to let them know there's an issue with their tenants
  2. Keep a diary of all the ASB, with times and dates, take videos and photos as much as you can to back yourself up
  3. Inform the police of all the ASB and any threats made to you
  4. Sound out any other neighbours who are also dealing with their ASB to see if they would be willing to make a complaint and keep a diary
People who are continually causing ASB can and will get evicted but the HA needs enough evidence to convince a judge that it is bad enough.
MsOvary · 15/06/2025 21:48

Get a fence up. Your neighbours can reverse. Also report them to the HA

Caravaggiouch · 15/06/2025 21:47

Report them to the HA, they’ll have signed up to some sort of code of conduct to be given the property which they need to be reminded of.

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