Husband overheard me

I see it more as an agreement between 2 adults. It looks like I'm in the minority but tbh if I had an argument with my husband and then walked in on him discussing it with his sister and talking about me negatively I have to admit I wouldn't be impressed.

I do agree with keeping most things inside the marriage unless it's something you need help with.

Discussing these things with family just puts everybody in an awkward position. Until he walked on her and blew up it seems like it wasn't a major argument and yet she's telling her sister all about so to me that suggests it's a common thing which he has asked her (in my opinion) reasonably not to do.

As I say though everybody has different relationships and it looks like I'm in the minority.

I totally agree he was out of order about ending the marriage stuff though and he overreacted.

Would be interesting to see opinions on a husband not buying a Mother's Day card and then slagging an OP off to his sister though 🤔

Spot on!!

I'm in the camp that we don't talk negatively outside of our marriage and especially not to family.

I did early in my marriage when I would get pissed of about normal day to day couple frustrations and I realised actually it is disrespectful and it changes how the person you are bitching to views your partner. The reality is I am as capable of being irritating as he is.

What you did was speak in the moment slagging him off for a small part of your relationship.

I would honestly be questioning my marriage if I walked in and heard my husband slatting the shit out of me to my MIL for example.

There are obviously situations that I would like infidelity,addiction, DV.

Anything else. No. If I really thought I needed to vent or help working through shit in my marriage I would speak to a therapist.

No he's in the wrong because he was sulking and stormed out of the house because he didn't get a commercial Father's Day card before 8am.

despite getting one his child made, special dinner & a personalised gift.

Rubbish!

Do you think NOT acting like a bellend over not getting a commercial Father's Day card, before 8 am, considering everything else (dinner, personalised gift, child's made card) is important?

“Don’t tell people that I acted badly! It’s really embarrassing for me. I don’t like it! I don’t like people thinking badly of me! Wah! I don’t want them to know the dick thing I did”

There. Translated it for him.

It does sound like it’s him you should be talking to not your sister. You had sorted the gift I think he was ott about that part.

You have every right to talk about your feelings and the state of things with people outside the marriage as long as you're sensible about it.

He is controlling and unreasonable.
I would call his bluff and tell him to leave if he thinks he gets to dictate who you can and cannot talk to about the state of your life. He's not the boss of you. Not much of a partner either by the sound of it.

Exactly!!

She doesn't have 'to do as she's told' he's her husband not her boss!

Only on MN do people insist you should never speak a negative word about your relationship to anyone else in your life. Utterly bonkers and, as others have pointed out, pretty controlling. It just smacks of "keeping up appearances", which I don't think you should have to do with very close friends or family. I don't endlessly slag off DH to my friends but I do occasionally have a moan if he's done something to piss me off, which isn't often. I also tell them when he does lovely things for me as well. I'm sure he does the same, and that's absolutely fine. Nobody is perfect and pretending they are is fucking weird.

Telling someone they can't discuss a relationship with anyone outside of that relationship is classic coercive control behaviour. Be very careful OP.

Of course it is & tell him if he doesn't like you've told your sister he's behaving like a bellend, not to act like a bellend! Quite simple really!

I don't like the sound of him. I don't think him leaving would be a bad thing

He's in the wrong because he's the man.

Well Father’s Day has been advertised for a lot longer than a week so you could have bought him one earlier, or like people have said ordered one. I would have expected my ex to have sorted out a Mother’s Day card when mine were little.
Also wouldn’t have appreciated him moaning to his brother about me so I can see where he’s coming from there too.

Tell him you'll talk to whom you damn well please. He is not your boss. And it's Fathers' Day, not Husbands' Day, so unless he has children old enough to celebrate it, there's no reason for him to expect anything.

ETA: Fathers' Day is made-up nonsense anyway.

The reason why he, and many other men, don’t think this is ok is because they’re hindered by their toxic masculinity. They don’t sit at the pub and discuss in the same way because it makes them uncomfortable. But over my dead body are we women only allowed to do whatever and only whatever it is they do!

He 'stormed out' because he didn't get a card and he was 'sulking' also because of lack of a shop card from you, although the children had made him a card.

Think about what you want your future to look like, OP. Maybe you shouldn't have told your sister about his behaviour, but does he sulk and storm out frequently? I had one like this, we spilt up.

When you rant about your husband to your family or whoever, it gives them a negative impression of your spouse. They will then hold that against them. It doesn't go away.

Do you rave about the good things he does? If not, they don't have a balanced picture of you husband and marriage and that can affect how your kids are treated. What if they start shit talking your spouse to your kids?

Your husband has asked you not to do this. But you did it anyway. He's setting a boundary. You just ran over it.

Do you think loyalty is important in a relationship?

Do you think trust is important in a relationship?

Moonpig is your friend in future OP.
Apologise and get on with your evening x

Sounds like you have form. Be interesting to hear his side of the story.

I think the issue with running to family when you have a problem, is that it puts everyone in a really awkward position.

Next time your DH sees your sister, he'll know that you've been telling her all about your latest row. Your sister is also in the position of having to pretend she doesn't know that you've been moaning to her. It just makes it all a bit awkward and uncomfortable, IMO.

I vent to my best friend. She has virtually nothing to do day to day with my husband where I could see a sister might be a bit trickier as a sounding board