Husband overheard me

These special days like Mother’s Day/Father’s Day cause so much angst and strife. You should treat your mother/father with respect, and offer gratutude for all 365 days, not just express it on one particular day. And SM causes most of this, Father’s Day never used to be such a big deal, but now people see plastered on SM big gestures and celebrations and are then massively disappointed if their own day doesn’t match up. Madness.

He's a man child and you haven't done anything wrong in my eyes. You made a fuss of him - he's a man-child.

He’s controlling and abusive. Read up on narcissistic behaviour, coercive control, gaslighting etc and work out a way you can escape - safely

Exactly!

Father's Day is a load of old bollocks and I don't get the fact that people fall for it.

Mother's Day has now become far removed from its origins. I don't expect anything from my dc who are adult and live with me. Occasionally they draw me a card like they used to at primary school for fun. But I'd rather that we had a good relationship all year round than on one day that means not much to me.

Sorry for the detail.

This. Maybe he's over it. I would be. The date of FD is also not a surprise. I would have been annoyed.

Serious red flags here OP. He was unreasonably upset with you and behaving badly. He knows this and that is why he’s so angry to hear you talking about his behaviour to your sister. He doesn’t want others close to you to hear about how he behaves behind closed doors.

It's probably not about a card is it? It's more than likely because like many women in mumsnet on special occasions he doesn't feel appreciated/cared for/loved. He comes in from being out and there you are talking about him on the phone which would further enhance those feelings of being unappreciated.

I don't know the dynamics in your relationship, I don't know if he has cause to feel uncared for or not but realistically speaking these things are never about the card. Sit down and talk to him and find out what the real issue is.

you should be able to sort out any issues you have between you in your marriage. You are definitely bad mouthing him and you’re allowing others to create a picture of him when he’s at his worse. People always remember the bad things, rather than the good. We’re all allowed a sulk or off day and you should be able to keep it to yourself.

edit to say: I wouldn’t be able to trust you either.

My partner moaned about me heavily to his mum. It absolutely ruined my relationship with her (still now and this was 6 years ago) over very normal
relationship problems within the post partum period. And yes I was furious with him and considered ending things. There are people you can rant to, but i personally don’t think family should be it.

What was he sulking about?

Did he spend a lot of money on Mother's Day gifts, and then you got him a photoframe or something? Personal gifts are nice, but maybe it felt lopsided to him. Like he put in more effort when it was your turn. It sounds like the gifts you got him were mementos, and more "from the kids" than from you. Maybe he was hoping for something a bit more "I appreciate you, you're doing a great job as a dad" from you, not just the "we love you Daddy" stuff from the kids.

I agree you should be free to confide in your family about your issues by the way. But there is a loss of trust if your partner knows you're badmouthing them to other people. And it's never nice to hear someone actually doing that.

Is he Dad Of The Year?! I’m struggling to understand why any reasonable parent would insist on having such a fuss made of them on Father’s/Mother’s day. A card made by a small child should absolutely suffice. Anything further than that is complete overkill, and he should have been nothing but grateful that you’d gone to so much effort.

If he hadn’t been such an idiot then you would have had no reason to tell your sister that he was being an idiot.

No, not a man, just the way we speak down her in the SW when we want someone to know that we are sympathising.

In our local village shop the staff call everyone 'my Lover' as In 'is there anything else you're wanting my lover?'

No insult intended apologies if any taken not intended honestly.

He’s throwing his dummy out of the pram.

If you can’t kvetch to your sister or best mate when your partner is being a dick, how are you supposed to laugh about it and move on? A good old moan is quite cathartic, and as long as it’s done within a context of “obvious I love him, but he’s been a right twat today” I don’t see any problem.

My mum would ring me for a moan about my dad, we’d laugh about it and move on. I thought no less of my dad - I know he’s fantastic and she loves him, and I also know he can be a fussy PITA when it comes to DIY, and a cheapskate about eating out. Mum has a pressure release valve and I could commiserate then forget about it.

What’s all this patronising “darling” BS.

Distrust anyone talking down to you so much as to refer to you as “darling”.
That phrase is only used to patronise.

Probably a man posting.

Oh come off it you lot, don't tell me that you've never bitched about your DH's to anyone, a mother, a sister, a best friend? We've all done it, just not been caught like the OP.

He's behaving like a spoilt child, and it's not his 'right' to expect the OP, to run around shopping for gifts and cards on behalf of her children. He should just be grateful that he has children, which incidentally SHE gave him!!!

Also, by the fact that you say he's told you numerous times not to talk about your marriage outside of the relationship, I get the strong impression that not only is he controlling, but knows that the way he speaks to you/treats you, doesn't reflect well on him, and doesn't want other people knowing what an arsehole he really is. In your shoes, I'd take him up on the offer of a divorce OP, you CAN do better!

I think he was being very childish. Similar situation here. Husband had a couple of gifts and I had bought a card which I think i gave to my teenager to hide in her room but couldn't find it this morning! He wasn't fussed at all. We've had a busy week and then we were all knackered yesterday as we were out on the Friday and didnt get home until 3am. I think you were fair to have a moan with your sister. Has he got other things going on that he is stressed about and it's come out from this?

Lawyer up.

He’s abusive to you. A divorce would be a blessing.

It’s the same reason far fewer men have therapy than in comparison to women. They’re not known talkers, are they?

Hes actually now saying he doesn't trust me and this could potentially be the end of our marriage.

He'd be doing you a favour. Let him.

He needs to grow up.

That's BS, I wouldn't my husband to talk our affairs outside the marriage either. Is there toxic feminity as well?

I honestly wouldn’t care

You're not his father. He needs to get a grip.

Darling, you will get the inevitable LTB posts. He's having a sulky. It's just one day & am sure he will recover from it. 😘

I wonder if all the people saying “you can talk to whoever you want” would feel the same way if a bloke was caught slagging his wife off to his mum and sister 🫣