Husband overheard me

You should have mouthed off at him, not your sister.

You should have not felt bad about being sick. He deserved to hear an honest appraisal of his reaction towards your efforts.
He sounds spoilt.

You have every right to talk to people outside your marriage. He is overreacting horribly.

You cooked a nice meal, got a special present and your child made him a card. He sounds like very hard work.

Eeerrmm...No !! He was actually being abusive and pathetic and she has every right to vent to whomever she chooses. He needs to grow the hell up and stop trying his coercive control. "could end the marriage" All over a father's day gift. It's OP who has the right to be thoroughly annoyed here.

Yes

Massive overreaction from him. He knew your circumstances of getting to the shops or whatever. And it's not like you disregarded the day!
Already cooked his fav meal the night before, and had a nice gift?

Sorry but it made me laugh when you put he stormed out, forget something and had to come back 😂
I'd be telling my family in your shoes! What did he actually want?!

Not being allowed to discuss your personal problems can lead to isolation and abuse. I’d never tell my husband he can’t discuss things with his friends (bar our sex life). It’s natural.

There's nothing I do in my relationship I wouldn't be happy his sharing with his sister (even the odd grump, if its true it's your life to share) ...maybe stop being so sulky if you dont want that to be an experience your wife shares. Being mad you shared what he had done and how he behaved just shows it was poor behaviour...and he knows it. What a dreary, miserable person to share a life with.

Many posts on mumsnet in the past by mothers who feel extremely hurt and annoyed when ignored on mothers day. Frustration is mainly directed at partner who didn't make the effort.

Dad's look forward to the day too, and are allowed to feel disappointed if it's low effort.

Do people really act like this over a lack of a card ?!!

They are a waste of trees anyway !!

Massive over reaction and if this is all he’s got to be pissed off over in life he’s doing well !!

@starship92 massive red flag that he doesn’t what you to have anyone to talk too.
Wheh they treat you like crao of course they want it kept secret . They get away with it indefinitely then.

Oh come off it. They have young children who can’t very well go and buy a card. It’s reasonable for parents to facilitate Mother’s Day and Father’s Day cards for a few years at least!

Why is it less thoughtful buying a card online? It’s exactly the same as going to a shop but OP says she couldn’t do that. I’m saying, if OP had issues that prevented her from going to a shop for a whole week, then ordering online is so easy and quick. So if she knows her DH values a card and usually gets her one on Mother’s Day, she could have really easily ordered one. No less thoughtful than buying one in a shop at all. And better than no card.

How would you feel if you overheard your husband bitching about you on the phone to someone? I think you are in the wrong about that. If I were him, I would lose trust in you too.

I wouldn't have an issue with my husband talking about me or discussing problems we might have with his close friends or relatives.

But I'd take great issue with it happening in my space, where I'm going to be exposed to it. And even more so if its resulting from his own laziness because you can order cards online for next day delivery.

OP you have exposed him for what he is (huffy manchild, etc) and he has escalated to threatening to leave you in order to get you back under control.
Out of the 2 of you who would suffer more if you split up, who has the most to lose?

Mothers of very young children very often expect that the father will orchestrate a fuss for her on mothers day. He may purchase a gift for them to give, buy some treats or flowers for them to hand over etc. If dads do it for for mums, mums should do it for dad's....that is if the father is involved, derserving and a good parent.

OP, I don't understand why he expected anything from you for father's Day as he's not your dad?

I can see you'd maybe prompt a child to make a card or something, but why would he expect something from you and still over not getting as card? A meal and a gift already sounds over the top! Sounds like you're in a no-win situation there.

It’s flipping awful waking up on a day that’s meant to be for you and have someone say “they need to go to the shop” don’t friggin bother at this point.’you could have ordered him a card.

He needs to grow up!

Like I said, a light hearted vent may be OK. I've heard of many partners names being smeared to in-laws by darling adult children.

It seems that OPs husband was genuinely upset about what he perceived as a lack of effort. He was hurt. Not up to us to judge whether he was right or wrong to feel like that. That's how he felt in the moment.
To walk in on someone ranting about you when you already feel hurt and vulnerable isn't nice. It's very undermining and belittling. My friends and brothers do not speak about their partners like this. They're adults. If you need to vent, go see a therapist or someone extremely neutral .

Some people's names are smeared though. And it can damage relations between your partner and his or her inlaws. Ive heard of stories where mammy and daddy turn against the new partner because their poor adult child is running home with stories about all the wrongs they have put up with. Mammy and daddy, and sister will listen to the poor helpless victim and wonder how their precious child ever ended up with the big bad wolf. Big bad wolf will always be the big baddie in their eyes.
Every situation is different. A light harmless vent, that's more forgivable. I've had my name smeared in the past...only one version of events given by a friend to her family about me...and it's really horrible when it comes to light

You've had a bad expierence a d talmi g about extreme situations. The things im talking about are quite light and things that I'd say to his face anyway once I stopped being pisseed off with him. After over 35 years all my friends a d fa.ily still love dh so his reputation is still intact!

Best post ive seen ever... not sure if you're being sarcastic but I don't care. Best post ever 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Some people's names are smeared though. And it can damage relations between your partner and his or her inlaws. Ive heard of stories where mammy and daddy turn against the new partner because their poor adult child is running home with stories about all the wrongs they have put up with. Mammy and daddy, and sister will listen to the poor helpless victim and wonder how their precious child ever ended up with the big bad wolf. Big bad wolf will always be the big baddie in their eyes.

Every situation is different. A light harmless vent, that's more forgivable. I've had my name smeared in the past...only one version of events given by a friend to her family about me...and it's really horrible when it comes to light.

This is why I'm asking for other opinions because i don't think the whole scenario should have resulted in his reaction. I definitely think there is something else going on

This is what my DH says to me. I think it’s a way to minimise someone’s feelings in a situation.

The irony is that your husband is not happy with you discussing every little disagreement with other people for privacy reasons. Understandable.You’ve apologised to him profusely for talking to your sister about what is in essence a trivial matter but which paints your husband in a bad light. Then, despite you realising that perhaps you may have done something you shouldn’t, then you’ve come and shared your private marital business with the whole of Mumsnet. Your poor husband.

Now half of Mumsnet thinks your husband is controlling and the other half think he’s a selfish man child. I’m sure he’s neither, but you’ve put it out there to the world despite feeling bad for sharing it with your sister. Crazy logic and even worse than telling the checkout lady, LOL!

I love how the word controlling is thrown about here on this site by anyone and everyone. There is nothing controlling about asking for marital matters to be confidential. However, you could’ve had some common decency to not enable him to hear you. Like wait for a day and see if it sorts itself out. The situation you’ve described is pathetic anyway and he’s just having a childish tantrum, over a piece of paper of all things. Don’t get me started on how much of a waste of time buying a card is in this day and age. Just a card from the kids handmade is sufficient. In this case I think the gift you got him should be sufficient enough to not need a card, but that is just me.

The mind boggles. I’m sure this will blow over in a day or so and you’ll have a quick chat and apologise to each other and it will reflected as a storm in a teacup. Then you’ll wonder if it was worth sharing your private marital matters with thousands of people online. Gulp.

Would you be happy if your husband was also writing a thread to the world as well as complaining his family about you?