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Feeling stressed/anxious about dds 18th

33 replies

Liz79k · 15/06/2025 15:02

My dd will be turning 18 very soon. In an ideal world I would love to hold a family get-together involving my mum/dad, brother and his family along with my dh's sister her family and dh's dad.
However dh and his Dad had a big bust up about 6 months ago which has been brewing over the years, they haven't spoken since. Dh dad also hasn't contacted his granddaughter during this time.

I do not want any animosity at my dds birthday celebration. We asked dd what she would like to do and she said a meal out with myself and dh. She has also invited along my mum and dad. My dd is extremely close to her Grandma and sees her weekly.

I feel bad for not inviting the rest of the family along but I refuse to have any tension spoiling my dds special day. I don't want to be obviously leaving out her other Grandad because that is just cruel, so that means not inviting Auntie and Uncle's too. Everyone is now aware this meal is happening. My brothers family will be totally fine about not being invited but dhs family will not be okay and yes I do understand why. It's causing me so much worry and is spoiling what is a huge milestone for me too.
Anyone else been in a similar situation?

OP posts:
Liz79k · 15/06/2025 15:52

Dd has struggled with anxiety in the past and only has a couple of close friends who she is seeing the following day. This is why we are also doing something as a family.

OP posts:
luckylavender · 15/06/2025 15:40

She’s said what she wants. Dial down the drama.

ScoliMum · 15/06/2025 15:34

What does your DD want? I agree with PP - an 18th birthday is usually more of a friends occasion than a family one.

Doorsways · 15/06/2025 15:32

Honestly, you need to 100% focus on your daughter.
It is HER day and HER memory.
You are following her wishes.
Anyone who would give you grief over this is someone to back away from.

Productiveweek · 15/06/2025 15:10

Is she doing anything with friends?

feelingbleh · 15/06/2025 15:08

Omg not everything has to be a drama just go out with who she wants. If I was her and you was making a big deal of it I'd be saying sod you all and go out with mates

Productiveweek · 15/06/2025 15:05

The same grandad who hasn’t bothered to contact your dd in half a year?

Productiveweek · 15/06/2025 15:04

I haven’t been in a similar position be sure thankfully my family don’t behave like this

however just looking at the situation… I really wouldn’t care what others think. Anyone who gets in an arse because they’re not invited to something is an arse

As long as your DD genuinely made the decision who to invite without any pressure from you or her father, then just enjoy it