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Original poster

Some mums need to cop on!

187 replies

coffeegirl73 · 15/06/2025 14:43

So my dd is 21 and at uni and her boyfriend is 21 and is there too. They live in different uni shared houses. So his mother drove nearly 3 hours last weekend to clean her son’s room and house in preparation for him moving back home for the summer. Apparently last year when she arrived to take him home he hadn’t packed or cleaned. I mean he is a disgrace but I blame his mum nearly as much. Ladies WHY would you do this for your sons…??? !!! I will be literally arriving and will help dd carry her stuff to the car. No way will be doing any cleaning - I try not to go too far into the student house tbh 🤮😷but honestly she is doing him no favours and it’s giving me the ick. Dd not too impressed but
she loves him 🙈I just hope it doesn’t become long term. But my point really is come on mums give your sons a sense of responsibility and independence and stop bailing them out and babying them. Tbh she does know a couple of girls who “can’t clean” and whose parents helped them. I mean ffs who’s raising these princesses lol

OP posts:
Original poster
coffeegirl73 · 15/06/2025 17:48

@Fratolishof course - in my own situation my ex has buggered off and taken zero interest in his kids but this post is about mothers enabling their sons - I blame both son and mother really. She is enabling him to behave like a baby but he accepts it

OP posts:
Original poster
coffeegirl73 · 15/06/2025 17:47

@BrickHarei believe my daughter tells the truth! She actually felt bad when she heard his mum was back at the house cleaning while they were out for drinks . She tried to say to him he should go back and help but he said she liked doing it and he would just annoy her 🤣

OP posts:
Fratolish · 15/06/2025 17:46

coffeegirl73 · 15/06/2025 17:39

@Fratolishin this case his mother is on her own - he doesn’t see his father very much

And does the dad making himself absent from his son's life make you angry too? Never mind the message the lad might get from that hey?

The irony of a thread about men being allowed off the hook when it comes to cleaning that lets men off the hook when it comes to parenting 🥴

Boredlass · 15/06/2025 17:43

I’m sure if the thread was about a mother helping her daughter, there wouldn’t be any near as much vitriol.

BrickHare · 15/06/2025 17:43

coffeegirl73 · 15/06/2025 17:41

@BrickHareyeh helping is one thing but taking over and doing it for them and you’re not doing the young person any favours.

How do you know this know? You weren’t there.

BrickHare · 15/06/2025 17:42

Fratolish · 15/06/2025 16:52

Do dads need to cop on too or is just the job of mums to teach sons to clean up after themselves?

Here's a really wild idea. Maybe if more FATHERS were seen by their sons taking an equal role in cleaning they'd be influenced to clean up too.

Well someone just posted that some men require training and that it’s up to the mothers to teach sons how to be good in this world… so I guess these posters are living in the 1900 and haven’t discovered feminism yet. Wait till they hear about the being able to vote, the pill and abortion.

Original poster
coffeegirl73 · 15/06/2025 17:41

@inkshow come?

OP posts:
Original poster
coffeegirl73 · 15/06/2025 17:41

@BrickHareyeh helping is one thing but taking over and doing it for them and you’re not doing the young person any favours.

OP posts:
lnks · 15/06/2025 17:40

It’s ironic to blame mothers for raising sexist sons, while simultaneously reinforcing a sexist mindset that women are responsible for the poor behaviour of men.
OP, you yourself appear to have sexist ideas about women.

Original poster
coffeegirl73 · 15/06/2025 17:39

@Fratolishin this case his mother is on her own - he doesn’t see his father very much

OP posts:
BrickHare · 15/06/2025 17:38

QueenOfHiraeth · 15/06/2025 17:27

Haha, no. Some are divorced, some not. Some husbands were useless, some just required training, but I think her point was that our husbands were less involved, less aware and less in touch with their emotions than our sons are at the same point in life.
I think it is up to us as mothers to help build good men in a difficult world

Show quote history

I couldn’t get past the comment that said some men require training. I think it’s also up to the fathers to teach their sons how to be a good man and take responsibility being a parent. Why is everything always left to the women?

Original poster
coffeegirl73 · 15/06/2025 17:37

So she went last weekend to do the clean but is going back again to pick him up next weekend.

OP posts:
Original poster
coffeegirl73 · 15/06/2025 17:36

She may be doing it to make sure she gets the deposit back which makes it even worse - he obvs doesn’t give a flying f* about his mums money in that case? She’s doing it this year because last year when she arrived he had done nothing and she had to stay the night and do it for him while he was off having the “last day” with my dd🤣just to clarify she brings the cleaning things and he doesn’t help her . Yes I do worry about my dd. She says she can ignore it while they are at uni in a kinda “bubble” but that she couldn’t live with him the way he is now. She hardly goes over to his hse as his room is so gross - her words 😩

OP posts:
Tanglemead · 15/06/2025 17:35

We helped DD clean after each year at Uni. All the other parents and students (mix of boys and girls) in her shared accommodation had b*ggered off and left us to it. I remember one particularly dreadful kitchen where I couldn’t find a clean space to put my handbag down! We all tackled it together though - DD, me, DH and our DS who was only early teens then. He got stuck in with piles of washing up! By the time DD was in her last year, the house was much tidier with only a few sharing. She’s 34 now, married with her own house and family (and a cleaner 😂)

BethDuttonYeHaw · 15/06/2025 17:34

She’s doing him no favours and he will expect women to do this for him throughout his life.

Original poster
coffeegirl73 · 15/06/2025 17:32

@NHSinterviewupcomingthats totally a different
situation! Not comparable at all.

OP posts:
JudgeJ · 15/06/2025 17:31

A few years ago a friend told that when her son was getting stuff together for Uni his grandmother said 'Make sure you find a nice girlfriend so you'll have someone to do your washing'!!!

lnks · 15/06/2025 17:30

Flinderskleepers · 15/06/2025 15:24

Why are women getting the blame for a man's shitty, immature behaviour?

This. I’m sick of women being criticised for the behaviour of men.

Fratolish · 15/06/2025 17:27

OneLemonGuide · 15/06/2025 17:08

The dad’s not doing the cleaning and enabling so, yes, in this case it’s the mum.

Show quote history

And the op has extrapolated that out to mums generally.. apparently the whole problem with uni students being babied, particularly men, is down to their mothers. Dads are off the hook of course because only men are responsible for raising their kids...

QueenOfHiraeth · 15/06/2025 17:27

BrickHare · 15/06/2025 16:24

Are you all divorced? Because she’s basically saying you all married useless men.

Show quote history

Haha, no. Some are divorced, some not. Some husbands were useless, some just required training, but I think her point was that our husbands were less involved, less aware and less in touch with their emotions than our sons are at the same point in life.
I think it is up to us as mothers to help build good men in a difficult world

CarrieonCarrieanne · 15/06/2025 17:25

This isn’t just mums of boys. My friend is off to Cardiff next weekend with her daughter to help her clear her room and clean. I agree it should be down to the student but young people do seem to be babied nowadays.

rosemarble · 15/06/2025 17:21

I’ve known mothers do exactly this for their uni daughters. I really don’t think it’s just young men who live in disgusting student digs.
In the majority of cases it’s the parents’ money (deposit) that’s on the line so they do have some interest.
That said, I never cleaned for my now adult son. Usually all the students in the house pitch in together.

MargotTenenbaumscoat · 15/06/2025 17:14

He’s a grown adult who should be capable of sorting his own shit out. He’s at fault.

OneLemonGuide · 15/06/2025 17:08

AlphaApple · 15/06/2025 15:46

Do fathers share any responsibility or is it purely down to women? 🤔

The dad’s not doing the cleaning and enabling so, yes, in this case it’s the mum.

Toucanfusingforme · 15/06/2025 17:03

Some women need to be less judgmental of other women. You generalise appallingly. Some of us with sons actually do raise men who are capable and competent, and who were not pandered to. I’ve seen just as many indulged daughters who are shockingly entitled because mummy and daddy do so much for them. Contrary to common belief on here, women are not better than men. Heard of equality? Taking care of a daughter is seen as being a good parent, taking care of a son and helping him is seen as indulging him. The usual double standards of some people (who seem to hate men).