Some mums need to cop on!

You can’t see how this is going to severely impact her son’s lives negatively? Someone could be smart and point out the divorce stats and MN threads littered with women walking out.

My parents drove the 4.5 hours to come and help me move out. Yes they helped me clean too. My mum was in the kitchen washing up. We were all girls and my parents were the only ones who came. I really appreciated it and it was one of the first times I really realised that not everyone was lucky enough to have supportive and involved parents like I had. I became increasingly appreciative of them. They also used to come down and take us out for dinner ‘so we didn’t die of scurvy‘

My DH moved a lot when first married and every single time our parents came and helped us. Our dads emptied the garage together one year.

It was just everyone mucking in together.

My son is at uni and no, I won’t be going and cleaning any rooms for him. I did clean his sink & toilet in year 1, largely because I wanted to use it and the toilet cleaner hadn’t been opened, or the bathroom spray.

That's up to them. My sister's ex, his mum used to clean both her son's flats when they were into their 30s. If that's how she wants to spend her time, let her get on with it.

So the dc can’t pay back the deposit if it’s taken due to their incompetence?! It’s totally ridiculous to go and clean yourself. Yes, it’s your choice if you are going to raise useless humans, but at least own it when they are dumped, divorced and sacked because they have no life skills!

If the deposit was at risk, she should be charging her DC - it’s their fault not hers.

If the mother wanted to do it? Then who cares? It’s her choice. She probably just wanted her deposit back. Can’t say I don’t blame her.

Only because the OP was saying mum. It wasn’t deliberate!

You’re right it parents.

My DDs friend had a mother turning up with months of cooked freezer food. As a result he isn’t even attempting to cook himself. Pathetic.

Why would any parent be sacrificing the deposit if the flat is filthy? If either of my dc lost my money due to their own ineptitude they would be working to pay me back the full amount.

I really can’t stand these types of parents raising useless, entitled man babies.

It’s one thing going up to help, another entirely doing all of the donkey work!

So you’re blaming your mil for the fact that your husband was useless and took advantage of his
mother by leaving her to clean his flat? It sounds like you have a sexist, lazy husband.

No problem in collecting them (even though it’s the other end of the country) but a big no to doing their cleaning.

I have DT’s b/g - they graduated a couple of years ago. We went to collect them and their car load of possessions but didn’t clean or tidy up their flats - that was their responsibility

My DH mum used to go round to his flat while
he was at work and clean and take all his washing. Believe me she did him no favours! It taken me years to whip him into shape 😂😂 we have a son and there is no way I’m raising him to be useless!

Many students move away to another city for uni as this is the case here. He’s 21 years old and moving back home which is three hours away.

Over his years at uni he will have collected a lot of shit. Op doesn’t say if the son has his own car but let’s assume he doesn’t. So how is the son going to move all his boxes of stuff home on public transport?

If I knew a family member or friend was moving back to their home which was a three hour car journey so even longer on a train or bus and had accumulated a lot of things, and knew public transport would be an issue of course I would drive over and help them. That’s what decent people do, it’s not about a mother babying her son. Op said the son doesn’t see his father much so safe to assume he’s not involved in his life. What mother would purposefully leave their child even if an adult to struggle moving back home.

YANBU. I have two sons and we’re raising them to be as self sufficient as possible in terms of living away from us. Luckily DH is very good in this regard as his parents moved back to South Africa when he was 17 effectively just leaving him to his own devices in London so he had a steep learning curve but it taught him a hell of a lot and he’s passing that on to our sons too. I’m afraid I was spoilt and babied by my mum (single parent guilt I think) and it did me no favours so I don’t want the same for DC.

The alternative is she does it or you charge her for any lost deposit. Why is she so lazy ?

I don’t think this just applies to boys. I helped my daughter clean her room/flat at the end of every year when she was at university and when she moved from a couple of her other flats after then. It was partly because I wanted to make sure we got our deposit back (and her room was truly revolting at the end of her first year) but also because I’m her mum and parents do things like that to help their children. Each time I was there it seemed like everyone’s parents were helping with cleaning and packing for their children.

I had to do this 3 years running with my daughter... It's not just boys who are lazy slobs. And as for why - honestly, whats the alternative

So Dads have no responsibility in raising their own kids? Got it.

And where are all the father? Why aren’t they raising their own kids?

If she doesn’t get her deposit back she’d need to get it off her son - it’s his problem.

Yup. Opinions like this show how blind they are to their own ignorance. Boy can’t do his own cleaning- must be the woman’s fault. Man leaves his family - must be the woman’s fault.

It’s not just a mother problem - why hasn’t his father taught him how to clean, tidy up after himself and take some responsibility?

Maybe target your anger at the men?