Some mums need to cop on!

My son is really untidy so I told him if we lost the deposit when he moved out of his student accommodation, he would be responsible for paying us back. Somehow the 4 untidy lads in the flat managed to get the place clean! No way would i have done it for him, he'd never do it himself if he thought the mum cleaning fairy would turn up!

I’m taking my dd back to her uni house tomorrow. We will be packing up her room , cleaning her room and checking the rest of the house is clean, sorting out her new room and getting her settled into her new house.
She’s doing a full on degree, just spilt with her dick boyfriend and I’m her mum and I want to help her. It’s a lot to do on your own and why on earth wouldn’t I help my own child?!

Oh no that's me. I really need the deposit back!

Thank you, my thoughts exactly.
And for those who describe the young man in derogatory terms, very unkind and unnecessary

You literally just said this in your point

But my point was the MN is littered with marriages and relationships breaking up cos the man is a useless fecker who hasn’t a clue the work involved in running a house. And even in 2025 we have mums babying their sons like this woman. He tries it on with dd too. She made up a lie that she can’t cook as she could feel herself starting to “mind” him and cook their dinners/ she’s clued in like that - prob from watching me make so many mistakes with her father

So what your point is men are useless?

So your whole thread isn’t about the mother helping the son but how useless men are?

DS already knows that for the month before he's going to Uni he'll be learning 'home skills' and will even be jacking in his job to do so.

And why is it not ridiculous that a grown man allowed his mother to do this?

She drove up to clean his room. That's ridiculous and on her.

Parent’s fault, not mother’s fault.
I guess if you haven’t equipped your dc with life skills and an ability to be independent by the time they leave home it’s on you. If they continue to behave like that well into adulthood then that’s on them. You have just given them a very poor start in life.

Maybe they will eventually learn the hard way what is expected of them when their wife walks out or they are sacked… and it costs them greatly in very painful ways.

If this thread was about blaming both parents, I would agree with you, but it is specifically blaming mothers. That isn’t criticising bad parenting, it is pure sexism

At what point would you hold a man responsible for his own behaviour?
Is it always his mum's fault?

Picking up my dd I had to help her tidy up at the end of year; just to get her out of the halls on time, she's adhd and autistic and she finds it difficult. She didn't expect me to do it but we didn't together.

Some years later I picked ds up from his shared house where he also had to clean up the kitchen and living rooms and so on as well as his bedroom. He did it all by himself while I sat in the car. He's adhd too but different personality, better at managing a deadline by himself.

My kids would know better. But like you I don’t speak for all parents. The op wasn’t there, she’s getting information from her daughter. I’m sure the daughter definitely told her the truth 😉

I'm thankful I have a lovely mum who drive me to and from uni and helped me clean the student house. My friend's mum sat on the sofa and watched us all.

I'm not a princess.

I'll be doing the same for my son when the time comes. It's just helping. It's not that deep.

Not really. I've never been anyone's skivvy.

To be fair, I don't think this is necessarily just a boy thing. One year my dad came to collect me from university at the end of the year and had to help me paint my rental room back white from the dark blue I'd painted it without permission.

In my house share, half of the girls(3 out of 6) were messy and irresponsible.

Why wouldn’t you expect your DC’s to clean their own flats before leaving it?

I've never made my DS do any cleaning but he cleans his room at uni and is packed and ready when I arrive to collect him. I think I've taught him that it's nice to live in a clean and tidy home even if he hasn't done the cleaning and tidying.

My other DS lives with his dad and is left to his own devices. His room is a tip.

If you and the child’s father raise a man to be absolutely useless and incapable of course you are adding to his chances that he won’t have a successful marriage. Particularly if he grows up in a household where women do everything. Of course you must take responsibility - you have failed as a parent if they leave home with zero life skills.

So if a marriage fails, its as a result of the way his mother raised him?

If a man doesn’t step up and support his wife and kids then that is on him. By absolving him of any blame you are being incredibly sexist and are actually adding to the problem of male incompetence.

We’ve raised our children to be independent and responsible adults. But if I want to help them I’m don’t really care what other people think. Why would I? I’m sure the mother isn’t even thinking about this however the op is sad enough to make a smug thread about it. If my children were as judgemental and sexist as the op I think I would have done a bad job as a parent.

But they would have lost the deposit anyways if they hadn’t cleaned it. Surely it makes sense to try and get the money back and if they don’t get it back then she asks for it. A lot of parents on here sure seem not to like their own kids