17 year old SD made no effort for Father’s Day.

She needs to pay you back but if she chooses not to recognise father’s day that is nothing to do with you.

Does she treat him with love and respect the rest of the year? That’s all you need to bother yourself with not whether she spends money on a card that will go in the bin.

She wes you £20, but she's old enough to decide if she wants to bother with occasions such as these. You and DH shouldn't be forcing it on her - especially as you say she's the same with mothers day, birthdays etc. At some point other people will stop reciprocating and this may/or may not bother her, but its her decision.

YANBU but at the same time, it's not up to you to be offended on her fathers behalf. My mother did this a lot. She'd get the hump on my fathers behalf over something that didn't bother him in the slightest. Nothing good comes of this. He can decide for himself if it bothers him and then it's between the two of them.

She owes you £20.

We have our kids 100% and they would have made zero effort without my encouragement/nagging 😄. She will do when she’s older I’m sure.

The fact that you are even on here asking if YABU to be pissed off with her suggests she is indulged.

OF COURSE she is in the wrong!

I'd be demanding the £20 back out of this week's wages and letting her know that if she doesn't make amends she may find her birthday or Christmas presents may be 'forgotten about'.

It's OK people saying she's almost an adult and to leave her to it but she's acting like a 10 year old.

The selfish little madam needs a head wobble.

It sounds like she is behaving selfishly by spending your money and not even buying a card. But this is between them. If she doesn’t want to acknowledge it that’s between her and her dad. Not all dads are good dads and not everyone wants to celebrate it.

She has to give you the money back since she hasn't spent it on what it was for.

Everyone is different and I respect that as you should, her choice and not your place to get involved. I would want the £20 back though.
As an family with adult kids we have never bothered with any of the 'commercial' days including birthdays. Everyone is on board with the idea and no one gets upset or disappointed.

I would be rather pissed with her too tbh, particularly as she was reminded more than once, works in a supermarket AND was given £20 to buy a card and gift but chose to spend that on herself. Selfish CF!

I’d be very pissed off if my DSD forgot Fathers Day, because DH would be upset and yes, that is my business. £2 for a card is hardly a big ask and you gave her the money. If she’s got some issue with it being a gimmick then she should have said that, rather than just taking the money and spending it on herself. She sounds bloody selfish to be honest. Get the money back.

She needs to pay you back the money that was meant for her dad.

But you can't force a late teen who's working to acknowledge father's day. Was her dad really upset about it? She may have texted/chatted to him?
I don't know many men that care about such things all that much.

But she shouldn't have spent your money. So I'd say just stop giving her money and she can bear the consequences of not sending or giving cards or gifts on her own.

It Is between her and her dad. If it requires you to remind her and pay for it then it is all a bit pointless anyway. She shouldn’t have accepted your money though.

She owes you the 20 back but you were absolutely ridiculous to be micromanaging a 17yo's relationship with their own parent. Maybe she doesn't believe in father's day and wasting resources on all these types of events.

It’s none of your business.

But to then go and spend the money on shein? She could have kept the money to one side and handed back when asked about it.

I forgot fathers day, I don’t go to supermarkets and don’t watch terrestrial TV. I feel really badly, my husband is just laughing at me.

Kids are making cards now and I have ordered a gift to arrive in a few minutes. Takeaway tonight.

My point is, it is easy to forget. Sorry DH!

Me too, my dad isn't bothered (He is currently in Spain at the moment anyway on holiday). I know we have mothering sunday, but father's day is really just a gimmick and I've never given him a card for it. I love and appreciate him every day of the year.

This is between her and her dad, he should be talking to his daughter about how this made him feel (does he even care?)

You should not be getting involved...

@RosesAndHellebores

thanks, yes.

Because she enjoys a good nag and cards are more important to her than to me. She expects wedding anniversary cards from me - she and step got married when I was 21. I couldn't really give a stuff about their anniversary. DH and I forgot our own on the 2nd anniversary so got out the previous year's cards.

I have in previous years driven 100 miles to her house at 10pm to deliver a fucking birthday card to avoid the snark. She sent the DC Chrstmas cards one year from grandma and grandad. Her husband is not my children's grandfather - she has weaponised cards. I shall never do the same to my children.

Satisfied?

This. It’s a manufactured commercial occasion like Valentines, but we feel bad if it’s overlooked. I think if you add the average teenage brain into the equation, it's a tricky one.

Shite. I haven't said said happy Father's Day to my old headbanger of a father either. I'm 46 though - does it make a difference?

Then I would not do much for her birthday. When kids figure out that they don't have to care about anyone at all on their day, yet a big fuss will be made for them when they have a birthday, they learn to be selfish and self-centered. I know people say that that is how teens are, but they don't have to be.

By the time they are 14-15, they are old enough to realize that you get out of the world what you put into the world.

Time for your dh to have a conversation. He needs to let her know that at 17 she should be remembering these things, that actually it’s hurtful to be ignored ( and yes before anyone starts I know Father’s Day can be considered a commercial thing) both in Father’s Day and birthdays, and how would she feel if he forgot her birthday?

He also needs to insist the £20 is paid back this week from her wages,

Finally he needs to tell her that he won’t be reminding her any more, she makes a note of birthdays and remembers mothers and Father’s Day. Then if it continues you forget her birthday

sometimes treating people how they treat others is the only way to go