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AIBU?

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Original poster

17 year old SD made no effort for Father’s Day.

111 replies

ReginaaPhalangee · 15/06/2025 13:51

AIBU to be pretty pissed off that my 17 year old step daughter, who we have 70/30 with her mum,
made no effort for Father’s Day again this year? She has a part time job and gets an allowance from her dad every month, but again, she claimed that she forgot about Father’s Day (despite, ironically working in a supermarket). I reminded her twice this week and she said she has no money left, so I gave her £20 to get a card and chocolates or anything she wanted to get for him.

shes Not working today and only got up an hour ago and said she forgot. I asked what she did with the money I gave her and she said she spent it on shein.

AIBU to be pissed off that no effort was made? Also AIBU to next year not even bother reminding her?

for context, DH co parents very well with her mum so it’s not like there’s issues there, but she’s 17 - surely she should be making an effort.

shes not even said happy Father’s Day to him.!

OP posts:
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ChesterDrawz · 17/06/2025 12:05

ReginaaPhalangee · 15/06/2025 21:59

She’s not a brat and some comments here are harsh on reflection.
as I stated earlier, we would never do that to her in terms of forgetting her birthday.
some comments here have been downright nasty and rude to me, and quite frankly, unwarranted.

As I said earlier, all comments noted.

next year she will be 18, so I won’t be reminding her, or micromanaging as another poster called it.

a LOT of double standards when it comes to step parents. One thread is “treat the kids as you would your own” then the next is “how dare you get involved, stay out of it”

nothing else to say on the matter.

Why post if you only want to see replies you agree with and then you flounce anyway.

Original poster
ReginaaPhalangee · 15/06/2025 21:59

She’s not a brat and some comments here are harsh on reflection.
as I stated earlier, we would never do that to her in terms of forgetting her birthday.
some comments here have been downright nasty and rude to me, and quite frankly, unwarranted.

As I said earlier, all comments noted.

next year she will be 18, so I won’t be reminding her, or micromanaging as another poster called it.

a LOT of double standards when it comes to step parents. One thread is “treat the kids as you would your own” then the next is “how dare you get involved, stay out of it”

nothing else to say on the matter.

OP posts:
notacooldad · 15/06/2025 21:32

I would 'forget' her birthday. Oh, is it today? Sorry forgot.
Who would 'forget' her birthday?
The op? She hasn't done anything against her.
The dad. Seriously forget her birthday because she didn't get him a card for father's day?

I get it, some teens on here are wonderful, kind always thoughtful and generous but not all kids are the same and have had different lived expierences.

This teen has missed the mark this year but it doesn't make her a brat ,as she has been called and all the other stuff that has been suggested about her.
At worse she has been thoughtless and a bit selfish. I guarantee this attitude will change as she matures over the next couple of years.
So much angst over father's day!

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 15/06/2025 19:19

FlightCommanderPRJohnson · 15/06/2025 14:15

A refusal might have been awkward if she didn't want to discuss the matter.

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"Ahh , no, you're kind SM but it's all a load of tosh really , I don;t want to buy into 'HallMark Cards Day' . I'll make him breakfast or something , that;ll be a nice treat but not card'n'chocolate stuff"

She has a P/T job , she didn't need the £20 and she certainly shouldn't have spent it on herself .

Gymnopedie · 15/06/2025 19:06

All hell would break loose! But we would never do that.

Why not? Do as you would be done by.

And if the hell would come from her mother, well she might be more sympathetic if she doesn't get birthday or Mothers' Day cards when you don't remind DD.

Oblomov25 · 15/06/2025 19:05

I can't believe that ANY poster is defending her. There is no excuse. At all. None.

Oblomov25 · 15/06/2025 19:03

This is totally totally unacceptable. Even if you hadn't have given her the money, she can get a piece of paper and make a card, which costs nothing. Disgusting.

Newgirls · 15/06/2025 18:45

This is probably a clue that she doesn’t feel close to him. Maybe it’s a wake up that they might need to do more stuff together?

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 15/06/2025 18:43

Boomer55 · 15/06/2025 16:52

If she makes an effort for Mother’s Day, she should do it for Father’s Day.

But, 17 year olds are self obsessed and selfish - get your money back and let her sort herself out next year.

TBH I’m a bit sick of reading on here that ‘all teens’ are self-obsessed/selfish/generally a nightmare.
Ours weren’t, and nor are/were the vast majority of others we know.

I suspect that ‘nightmare’ teens too often evolve from the sort of spoiled brats whose parents have allowed them to be rude, selfish and horrible almost from toddlerhood.

ForPlumReader · 15/06/2025 18:42

I wouldn't be bothered that she made no effort for fathers day (we haven't since they stopped making cards at primary) but I'd be furious that she'd taken my money and spent it on herself when that wasn't what it was offered for.

DoraSpenlow · 15/06/2025 18:41

I would 'forget' her birthday. Oh, is it today? Sorry forgot.

Original poster
ReginaaPhalangee · 15/06/2025 18:34

All noted, thanks for help!

OP posts:
Emonade · 15/06/2025 18:20

ReginaaPhalangee · 15/06/2025 14:12

All hell would break loose! But we would never do that.
interestingly she’s also the same with birthdays in the house too, inc her parents and siblings.

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She is 17!!! Give her a break

Boreded · 15/06/2025 18:19

she is a cheeky fuck for taking your 20 and not using it

BrickHare · 15/06/2025 18:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Yup and dismisses anything she doesn’t want to hear.

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 15/06/2025 18:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BrickHare · 15/06/2025 18:00

ReginaaPhalangee · 15/06/2025 17:47

Not everyone is like you. Move along.

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You’ve created this whole thread asking for opinions… so yes people will give theirs and some aren’t going to agree with you. What’s the point in posting a thread and you only want people to comment that agree with you?

cardibach · 15/06/2025 17:54

FlightCommanderPRJohnson · 15/06/2025 14:15

A refusal might have been awkward if she didn't want to discuss the matter.

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She could have said she was ok for money. Which she was, if she wasn’t buying anything. Or else kept the money to hand back. I mean, it was never going to be a secret she wasn’t intending to get anything, was it?

Oldermumofone · 15/06/2025 17:50

I’m with you on the reminder as I tried that too after seeing him looking hurt the last two years. Apparently she had it sorted - she didn’t. I reminded her because I care about his feelings so totally get what you were trying to do.

Original poster
ReginaaPhalangee · 15/06/2025 17:47

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 15/06/2025 17:17

I honestly can't get my head round the idea that an actual grown up man (or woman) would get upset about this made up nonsense.

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Not everyone is like you. Move along.

OP posts:
SemperIdem · 15/06/2025 17:24

@IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle lacking in ability to see different perspectives isn’t something I’d personally be so proud of.

Buildingthefuture · 15/06/2025 17:19

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 15/06/2025 17:17

I honestly can't get my head round the idea that an actual grown up man (or woman) would get upset about this made up nonsense.

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Good for you, you don’t need to understand it. You just need to understand that other people are different to you.

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 15/06/2025 17:17

Buildingthefuture · 15/06/2025 14:59

I’d be very pissed off if my DSD forgot Fathers Day, because DH would be upset and yes, that is my business. £2 for a card is hardly a big ask and you gave her the money. If she’s got some issue with it being a gimmick then she should have said that, rather than just taking the money and spending it on herself. She sounds bloody selfish to be honest. Get the money back.

I honestly can't get my head round the idea that an actual grown up man (or woman) would get upset about this made up nonsense.

IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle · 15/06/2025 17:10

Livinginvnam · 15/06/2025 13:56

Given you gave her money for it, clearly not, but frankly I think these days are overhyped marketing gimmicks.

This. YABU for getting worked up about this nonsense.

AmyDudley · 15/06/2025 17:10

ReginaaPhalangee · 15/06/2025 16:32

She gets on well with dad, always has done. He’s a bit bummed about the lack of effort.

I would tell her exactly that, that her lack of effort hurt her Dad's feelings, you made things as easy as possible for her by reminding her and giving her money, and she couldn't be bothered. Ask her how she'd feel if her dad couldn;t be bothered making an effort for her birthday/Christmas/ allowance/ lifts etc.

At 17 she is well old enough to realise that selfishness and thoughtlessness hurt others and to reflect on whether that's the sort of person she wants to be.
All teenagers aren't awful and selfish but IME the ones that are and don;t get called out on their selfishness grow up into selfish adults.