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Original poster

To redo my wedding?

36 replies

Camomilecrumpet · 15/06/2025 13:02

DH and I absolutely hated our wedding day, and I also really hated the photos.

We had wanted to elope but DH let slip to his family and we ended up being pressured into a small wedding. We liked the registry office ceremony but desperately wanted to be alone after that. I was trying not to cry most of the evening and burst into tears as soon as we got home and both of us have struggled to shake off our unhappiness since.

It was hosted at my DM’s house so I feel guilty for not being more grateful for the work she and her friends put in, but it wasn’t work I asked them to do and I had been clear with them that it wasn’t necessary. It was hugely over the top and I was bossed about for the week leading up to it and the whole day and I felt embarassed by the result. DM also made an embarrassing speech which caused awkward silence for a while afterwards and which I found a bit cruel.

We only had one friend as we were keeping numbers down and there was an obligation to invite family first. We regret that but I’m also glad only one friend witnessed it because that was embarrassing enough.

On top of that, I had panicked at the thought of people taking pictures and decided at the last minute to get my hair done professionally. It looked terrible and I should have worn my natural curls. DH said I looked lovely but also said he would have preferred my natural hair. I hate almost all of the photographs and a lot are with family I’m not at all close to anyway.

We are now planning a redo, like a vow renewal but only a few weeks after the wedding. Is this completely unreasonable? Even if we don’t do a full vow renewal, it will involve rehiring DH’s suit, dry cleaning my dress, making another bouquet, hiring a photographer, taking a day off work and getting all done up again, and it still won’t be our real wedding or erase the day we had. We are busy and trying to save money and I know this is stupid but I am so upset and I feel like I want a memory to replace this with. I also want some photos I’m not embarassed to show people and that I can look back on with fondness. Should I just grow up and move on?

OP posts:
SheridansPortSalut · 15/06/2025 13:28

I don't think that redoing the day will fix the problem. I suspect that you would spend a lot of money and cry that day too because it wasn't the first day.
Your extreme reaction is unusual. You sound traumatised. I think you need to let he dust settle on it and move on with life. If you feel the same way in a years time you could do a renewal for your first anniversary.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 15/06/2025 13:27

If it’s what you want to do then go for it. 😁

That being said the timing is a bit close so I agree with a previous poster that it could seem a bit odd.

Can I make a suggestion? I’ve met 2 couples while on vacation who celebrate all their 5th anniversarys by doing something special. The first couple redo their honeymoon (laid back sailing trip) and the second couple has a vow renewal at the resort they were married at.

It’s funny the first couple who does the sailing trip I almost feel part of their celebration since I’ve now spent two off their anniversary’s with them! (My DH and I go on the trip every year… hmm speaking of which I think it’s getting close to their anniversary… I should probably start packing a card for them)

theyoungishman · 15/06/2025 13:22

Why don't you use the money you would have spent on this for a nice holiday/honeymoon and get some nice photos from that to display?
Sounds like a pretty crappy wedding, but the most important thing is that you're married now. I didn't love my wedding, never got any photos printed, there were many ways I would have changed it if I had my time again... But to actually go ahead and have another wedding because of this would be pretty dramatic!

BlueSkiesInJuly · 15/06/2025 13:22

I have friends who lived abroad and had 3 weddings for different people in different countries so it does happen. I don't think it's unreasonable to want to do something with friends. You could just redo wedding photos but then I can see how if you are going to all the effort then you might want to make an event of it.

DDivaStar · 15/06/2025 13:21

I think people who already attended your wedding will think it odd. You have a very ott reaction to having a few more people there than you would have preferred.

Could you arrange a photo shoot in your wedding clothes either at the venue or another special place.

showyourquality · 15/06/2025 13:20

You have had your wedding day for better or worse. Are you going on honeymoon, maybe take your dress and suit and get some pictures taken in them wherever you go?
Or save money and if it still seems important in a few years have a vow renewal.
Or host a reception party for your friends and wear your wedding clothes to that.

RareGoalsVerge · 15/06/2025 13:16

So sorry that happened, but the great thing is that you are now actually married.

If you want to dress up again and get photos done with just you and DH and the photographer and no one else, that's absolutely fine.

If you want to send out a message to a few genuine friends who you wanted to be there and who couldn't be included in your MIL's takeover to ask them to be part of it, that's also fine.

A larger scale thing, especially if it involves the people who were invited for version1 (except the 1 friend, who I think would understand) that wouldn't be.

Its fine to do things you will enjoy and value and treasure the memories of, and fine to invite the people you love to share that with you. They may or bay not accept but sending the message that you wanted to include them is a worthwhile act. It doesn't have to be a traditional way of doing things to be valid.

Doseofreality · 15/06/2025 13:13

People can have the most picture picture idyllic textbook wedding day and get divorced after. It’s one day of a lifetime of memories in a happy marriage and it’s the marriage, not the day, that counts.

Ihopeoneday · 15/06/2025 13:08

It's not unreasonable to want it. I would do it. It's important to you. For reasons that I don't understand, but that doesn't matter.

OtterlyMad · 15/06/2025 13:08

I don’t think it’s unreasonable, just a bit… odd? Especially so close after your real wedding day, and when you’re trying to save money. It also might offend the family that you’ve bent over backwards to appease. Why not do it on your anniversary next year?

TidyDancer · 15/06/2025 13:07

I’m sorry you feel how you do but I think your reaction based on what you’ve said is really quite excessive. I wonder if some counselling would be more worthy of your time and money at this point? And then perhaps pay a professional photographer to take photos on your first anniversary to give you some nice photos to display?