To redo my wedding?

Lots of people have wedding photos taken not knowing the day of the actual wedding. It’s not traditionally a UK thing, but you see it a lot in other countries. Definitely have the photos re-done.

I think you should definitely do it again, if it feels like the right thing to do. I’m sure it will be beautiful xx

Ive regretted mine for 8 years now and it still upsets me, id love a re-do similar situation. Im not a forceful person and i got swept away with his family who are quite dominant, its not about everyone else its about you and your husband! Re-do it people who dont understand will never understand.

Get the photos done again for sure but anything else is just a complete waste of time.

This sounds like a lovely idea. Have your hair and make up just how you wanted it, then go and do something lovely by yourselves.

Longer term though, especially if you're planning to have children, you're going to want to work on setting much firmer boundaries with family.

Just do it.
Make it a special day. Dress yourselves up again and have some good photos taken in a professional studio. Then change out of your wedding dress & go for a nice lunch together. Get a bit tipsy and spend the afternoon doing something nice together. Have those memories to associate with your photos.

I think that sounds like a lovely solution. It’s ok to want nice photos I think.

Oh gosh , I don’t know, this is quite difficult! Like it or not you are married and that was your wedding day. You’ve had quite a strong reaction to it and I’m not sure re doing it in some way is going to fix it . I think it might feel a bit false somehow ?
Have you had a honeymoon? If you can afford it I think I’d go away somewhere lovely to try and have a nice break to relax . And maybe take some lovely photos of you both looking relaxed and happy. You are married after all , celebrate that !

I think you're focusing on the negatives here. You got married, you should be celebrating this and not living in misery/being unhappy cause the wedding day wasn't exactly what you wanted. News flash, most weddings aren't 100% perfect. You need to reframe the day in your mind.
If you really want a redo, I would wait until your 1 yr anniversary.

I’ve got this issue hit sort of in reverse. We ended up getting married on our own with just my daughters and one friend there, then went out for dinner afterwards. We had a big wedding planned but DH’s ex wife made it clear a year in advance that she would make it hard for my DSS’s to attend, we had just had a big house fire and we were just stressed to the max. We wanted to be married more than we wanted the big wedding, so we just did it. It was an amazing day but I still do hanker after the big wedding and the party with all our family and friends that we didn’t have. (We did a family lunch later on). We will have been married three years this year and it feels too soon for vow renewals or whatever. And I don’t know if people would think it odd jf we decided to have a party for our wedding 3 years on. So we will probably just leave it to 5 or 10 year anniversary and have a party then, and I will have to wean myself off watching endless wedding dress videos on insta!

I absolutely think you should go for it. Treat it like you are eloping and get ready together, have photos and have the day you wanted. Life is too short.

You got married
people love you enough to want to share that moment

@Camomilecrumpet What was the issue with the speech?

'You have a very ott reaction to having a few more people there than you would have preferred.'

This is not just about a few extra people! The whole event got hijacked and there was an embarrassing speech which the OP described as cruel. The whole thing sounds horrible

OP, it sounds like you had very good reasons for wanting to elope just the two of you. It's very sad and frustrating that your wedding turned out to be something you hated. I can totally understand how you feel. I do agree with others that this seems to be about something much bigger than the wedding, it's about your relationship with both your families. That's something to think about - how involved are they in your lives, and would you like that to change from now on?

I think a wedding photo shoot where you have control, and a small reception/ party with your friends sounds lovely. If you would find that healing, I think you should do it

Its hard to imagine being rail roaded into so much.
Do whatever makes you happy, but keep your business to yourselves.

Consider counselling too as you sound quite traumatised by the whole thing.

Hope you feel better soon.

I didn't enjoy my wedding day but I just put it out of my mind.
I certainly encourage anyone who wishes to elope, to just do it.

Why didn't you both tell your husband's mum at the time that it wasn't the wedding you wanted?

I mean, if there's one day in your lifetime when it's all and only about the two of you, surely it's your wedding day!

I think a new photoshoot - with or without the wedding gear - would be a really great start.

And also I second the suggestion of learning to say that doesn't work for us/me.

You'd be better to spend the money on therapy, working on stopping being such a people pleaser that you ended up going along with something you didn't want and becoming able to stick up for what you do want.

Something very similar happened to us, OP. We wanted a small witnesses-only signing of documents in the registry office and his mother (who had left the family when he was 11) turned on the waterworks and pressurised him into a big family do. Three of my friends were there, about four of his friends, and everybody else was his family (I have no family, which is one of the reasons we wanted to keep it small: it was about 60 people).

His mum got up and made a speech about how much she loved her son, even though we said there would be no speeches and she didn’t mention me once, not even “Congratulations to Fred and Erica.” I left the reception after about two hours.

Sorry about that momentary hijacking! I still find the whole thing so depressing and embarrassing to think about (and my partner feels similarly). We haven’t been celebrating our wedding anniversaries at all.

Sounds to me like you need to make new memories to replace the shit ones. Redo the wedding the way you wanted it and if after that you still find you’re unhappy about what originally happened, then yes, go and get therapy. But for now, I love the idea of you doing something just for yourselves. I probably wouldn’t invite loads of people though. You could add on a new little something just for you, too. It’s definitely worth a try! I hope you have a lovely day if you go ahead with it.

"Redo" the wedding is weird.

Throwing a massive party to celebrate, with people you want to invite, no-one else could work better.

Book a proper photoshoot first, and focus on that - right hairstyle, right make-up, photos you will like and be proud of.
Nothing worst than actual photoshoot on the actual wedding day, everybody is bored solid, you waste hour(s) of the wedding to pose, it's usually cringey. Make the photos a few solid few hours for a proper session.

Then decide if you want to throw your wedding celebration party now, or throw a big party to celebrate your wedding anniversary next year?

Don't. The point of the day is the marriage, not the photos or the party. Put it behind you and focus on the future.
Plus, going forward, try to be more assertive about what you want from life

Do whatever makes you happy.

get some wedding portraits done in your gear and if you feel weird about it just tell the photographer you wanted to do it separately to the main day so you could concentrate on enjoying yourself.

Then go for a nice lunch / walk / trip with your husband somewhere meaningful to you and make vows just to each other.

Sorry you didn’t enjoy your day!

Surely the point of the wedding was to get married ? - and yes you are married now !

Have a wedding photoshoot with your husband and possibly do a reception so that you can invite exactly who you want (assuming that there are people that you would have invited but didn’t)

The day you had happened and if I were in your shoes, I’d use it as a learning experience not to let others like MIL walk all over you. I might be wrong here but if you’re naturally anxious and self conscious then you could be letting yourself in for more regret by doing it again as little things like hair could ruin the day.

Another possibility is to organise a party for your first wedding anniversary so you have one celebration date and not two.