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Original poster

To think my friend should be teaching her child better stranger awareness

109 replies

Clariy · 15/06/2025 12:38

Hi all, so yesterday I was out with my friend and her daughter. Her daughter, her daughter is 5. We were out in London. My friend is comfortable financially and a genuinely lovely compassionate person.

On several occasions when we passed people begging she stopped, gave her daughter a £5/£10 note to give to them. Fair enough if you want to give I suppose. But she also chatted to them and encouraged her daughter to do the same, asked their name, where they were from etc. Not in a prying way but like she genuinely wanted to know about them as a person. I haven’t really seen anyone do this, especially not with people in London.

I asked her about it later, she said that she thinks it’s important to humanise them and she views it as teaching her daughter compassion. I asked about stranger danger and she seemed to brush it off. I then pointed out that some of them probably aren’t really homeless and she replied “For someone to fake hunger they must be starved of something in their soul” she has a tendency to give answers like this. I then pointed out that they may spend it on drugs and she said “my compassion comes with no strings attached”.

I don’t really care if she does this on her own, but something about encouraging a child to do the same feels very odd to me and lacking awareness. Her daughter was also pretty confident doing this and it was clear this isn’t the first time.

I know some of them will be in genuine need, of those who aren’t most are probably harmless but all it takes is one person will intents to take advantage of her, or when her daughter is older, her daughter.

AIBU to think this is quite reckless parenting?

OP posts:
IDroppedRocky · 15/06/2025 12:48

No, it’s not reckless parenting.

Stranger danger is an outdated concept and is not taught anymore, because in 99% of situations, strangers are the ones you need help from. Most children are harmed not by strangers but by people they know.

Original poster
Clariy · 15/06/2025 12:46

purplegreenfish · 15/06/2025 12:43

I’m not sure it’s reckless parenting. I do think it’s a sort of performance parenting, wanting to show the world just how generous and compassionate you are and how you’re raising your child to be the same.

You were right to question whether it was the right thing to do, a lot of homeless charities actually caution against giving money on the street as it’s not the best way to target support.

I wonder if she’s as generous when nobody is watching!

Based on years of friendship, I know it isn’t a performative act, she is genuinely like this all the time. I’d say she is probably selfless to a fault more than anything, this is just one example that seemed dangerous to me, but she is very genuine person.

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 15/06/2025 12:46

No I don’t think it’s reckless parenting, I actually think it’s really good parenting and I wish more parents where we are would follow her lead. Just a few weeks ago a homeless man not far from her was verbally harassed and then physically beaten by a group of 10-12 “kids”- they found it so funny they filmed it and posted it to their snapchat stories, 2 of them live streamed it on Facebook. Perhaps if they had been raised with even an ounce of her compassion this would not have happened.

I’d also say you’re just as likely to be harmed or abducted by a man in an expensive suit, or a police uniform, as you are a homeless man. Unless your message would be “don’t speak to ANYONE”, then YABU.

Original poster
Clariy · 15/06/2025 12:45

wizzywig · 15/06/2025 12:41

She sounds like a champagne socialist. The kind that would be up for a sponsored help a village in Africa thing when her kids are older

Oh absolutely not. She is vocally against performative activism. I don’t think she is under any illusion that her money is making any real difference to these people, I think she views it more as a token of compassion and she was chatting to 2 of the more chatty people about options for genuine help.

I wouldn’t call her a champagne socialist at all.

OP posts:
Didimum · 15/06/2025 12:45

purplegreenfish · 15/06/2025 12:43

I’m not sure it’s reckless parenting. I do think it’s a sort of performance parenting, wanting to show the world just how generous and compassionate you are and how you’re raising your child to be the same.

You were right to question whether it was the right thing to do, a lot of homeless charities actually caution against giving money on the street as it’s not the best way to target support.

I wonder if she’s as generous when nobody is watching!

Why is MN obsessed with any behaviour you can directly see being ‘performative’? It’s so tiring.

Didimum · 15/06/2025 12:43

I don’t agree, OP. You sound really judgemental and intolerant. I think you should butt out of her opinions and parenting decisions.

purplegreenfish · 15/06/2025 12:43

I’m not sure it’s reckless parenting. I do think it’s a sort of performance parenting, wanting to show the world just how generous and compassionate you are and how you’re raising your child to be the same.

You were right to question whether it was the right thing to do, a lot of homeless charities actually caution against giving money on the street as it’s not the best way to target support.

I wonder if she’s as generous when nobody is watching!

wizzywig · 15/06/2025 12:41

She sounds like a champagne socialist. The kind that would be up for a sponsored help a village in Africa thing when her kids are older

Sofiewoo · 15/06/2025 12:39

No I don’t think it’s reckless parenting in the slightest.
Stranger danger is about trusting and going off with a total stranger, not making polite conversation with your parent and another adult.
Your reaction sounds quite unhinged.

In what way do you think one of these homeless people would take advantage of the daughter?