I should say that I’m not a Mum, but a Dad, so I’m sorry if it’s not really a ‘Mumsnet’ issue. I’ve come on here because I haven’t got any male friends or family I could share with, at least not without never ending humiliation, and I suspect my OH is on MN and might read this.
My OH confessed to a one night stand a few weeks ago. I literally cannot function since. I love and adore her, despite this. 15 years together, two kids, shared mortgage and all the rest of it. Without going into too much detail it turns out to be at least the third time in the last 5 years, entirely unknown to me. I had no idea at all, never suspected a thing, trusted her 100% until now. But now I feel completely stupid, all the clues were there and I just accepted every bullshit excuse as gospel.
I’m not looking for sympathy, shit happens and I want to deal with it, but where do I start? She says she loves me and wants to stay together, but I’m not functioning. I can’t think straight. I’m trying to act normal in front of the kids, while OH is blithely going about life as usual, she’s even managed to secure promotion at work which will bring with it more travel, and has asked if I would be okay with her going abroad for a weekend to her work friend’s wedding without me (apparently there's no 'plus one' on the invite).
The details (that I know of so far), are sordid and grubby. Her reasons/excuse(s) include that it’s when she’s been out for drinks with work or friends, usually (but not every time), when one or the other of us has been away with work; that I’m at least partly at fault for neglecting her needs, that we never said we were exclusive at the start (although she does accept at some point that we could reasonably have expected we’d become exclusive), and the best of all – that at least this was not an affair, these were just meaningless ONS’s!
AIBU to think there’s no difference, in fact it feels considerably more insulting and hurtful.