Mum allows 36 yo brother to live at home - AIBU?

I think it’s strange @BatchCookBabe that you can’t see that there’s signs that all may not be good in the mother and son relationship. She does most of the cooking and cleaning, and even though she has a small mortgage, she is often short of money. She’s also not very assertive.

Exactly this. ^ I don't know why the OP posted really, as she has dismissed all responses that aren't supporting her (and telling her she's right,) as 'unhelpful' and 'useless,' and 'sticking the knife in' with the repeated comment from her towards many posters - 'why even bother contributing to my thread???'

People are entitled to their opinions, even if the OP doesn't like them. I (like many others) think it's strange to be resentful of a sibling still living with mummy. As I (and many others have said,) I couldn't think of anything worse, and have zero envy for anyone living with their parents past 29-30.

I thank God I had daughters.

For it

Your mum knows well what she's doing
She's supporting her men. She's trained for irny the culture

She won't get CA if she works full time.

I think you need to try to ignore this. Your Mother sold her house and downsized to what she has by choice.

She works and appears to be of sound mind so probably just enjoys a moan to you sometimes.

Next of kin is nothing btw, your brother is equally next of kin. You need Lasting power of attorney to play that card.

Seems your mother bought the new house with your brother in mind

Seems she thinks he needs help if he has possible asd

Seems she is mentally capable adult

@RowsOfFlowers next time she complains about money, ask “what can I do to help?” Maybe she is looking for you to help her, same as she helped you. Maybe she doesn’t want any help from you. In that case, let her lead her life and you lead yours. Life isn’t fair but it can still be great!

@forensicdetective None of us know what goes in behind closed doors in other people’s homes. OP’s mum may be being taken advantage of and manipulated by OP’s brother, which makes it very much OP’s business.

Do you think she is giving him money?

You could try and change your attitude. All the suggestions to say this and do that - further firing up your sense of entitlement to feel agrieved and resentul about this brother you don't like very much, it is apparent - seem to miss the point that this is truly none of your business.

Your mother is an adult, not infirm, of sound mind, and she can have whoever she wants live with her.

Resenting your brother is a pointless waste of energy. Expecting arrangements to be "fair" is childish.

I would think recognising these things would be helpful.

But if you want to waste your energy and your life on being upset about things completely out of your control, go for it. I would think focusing on your own life, and on your own plans for your future would be healthier.

She’s in her early 60s and appears to be healthy, so this is unlikely.

@RowsOfFlowers Surely it’s not right to suggest your mother claims benefits when she’s given her wealth away? No wonder this country is bankrupt! Perhaps when she mentions money is short she’s hinting that you could repay the money she gifted to you? It sounds like she did this without thinking through the implications and now she regrets it. Otherwise I think you’d be wise to stay well out of this arrangement between your mother and brother. Intergenerational living is the norm in many societies. It can be great, instead of two lonely family members living alone, they live together and provide eachother with company. Leave them to it and concentrate on building your own life with your husband.

I’m not jealous at all - I don’t wish to live with my mum and have no life.

Why comment if you’ve nothing helpful to contribute?!

I have contributed something helpful. You seem to be in denial re the points I've made:

(1) Life isn't fair. This seems to be something you've not yet grasped.
(2) Your mother's living arrangements are none of your business.
(3) Regardless of what you claim on this thread, you are jealous (or envious, if you prefer) and resentful of your brother getting what you see as an easy ride financially from living with your mother. As per your repeated statement that it is "unfair". See, point one.

She might be wanting to protect her asset from being sold to cover care home fees.

Yeah, I agree. I said he should contribute and pay for his own stuff etc. I replied to OP saying I agree fully with what she's trying to do. I just know it's difficult.

No he's not entitled to sit and play video games all day and do literally nothing else in someone else's house ffs. If he can work full time he can sure as hell help out with house cleaning, cooking and maintenance. He chooses not to because he's utterly selfish.

Yeah I agree. Such strange responses. How on earth is it none of OPs business that her mother is being taken advantage of? Of course she has a right to be concerned. Lots of cold hearted posters here who would stand by and watch it unfold and not be concerned. Either that or the threads been found by the menz still living at home with their parents.