Is gentle parenting effective

Fair enough. I’m only mentioning it as it’s just another thing being named wrong a lot of the time especially on here. A lot of people get upset when gentle parenting is wrongly named for certain styles (permissive etc) but yet natural consequences has also been taken the wrong way these days.

A natural consequence of throwing a toy would be the toy gets broken and the child no longer has the toy.

A natural consequence of inappropriate behaviour somewhere would be other children avoid your child and they don’t have friends, or your child gets hit by another child who is upset, or your child get hurt doing something unsafe like falling off something you told them to get off of.

If an adult has to intervene in a consequence it is no longer natural.

I didn't say it meant naughty.

People really like to kick at 'gentle parenting' in a sneering way, assuming it's wishy washy parenting.

Some of these people seem to be very unhappy that violent controlling parenting is now challenged and are desperate to return to that so that they can continue with this style themselves without being criticised.

Most people pick a range of parenting strategies that work for them and their children.

If you're happy with what you do, and it's not illegal in the country you live in why sneer at other people?

I was also either ignored or ridiculed for expressing any emotions, and I don’t think that’s very healthy.

I think historically people didn’t really see children as their own people with feelings and emotions, and now people are more conscious of that.

I would tend to agree except for all the posters on this thread claiming they're beleaguered by gently parented children every time they leave the house

My child year old could do that too, from about 3/4 ish.
The case I describe is a child whose parent describes themselves as a gentle parent. I'm not sure she's setting herself up for great teenage years tbh.

What a brilliant response. This sums up gentle parenting beautifully.

You have to acknowledge that not everyone is perfect all the time, every day.

Hm. Is it the descriptor 'gentle' that irritates and gives critics a sense that proponents of this parenting style are trying to smugly claim some kind of parenting trophy and congratulate themselves on outcomes which aren't necessarily evident to an outside observer? Given that some PPs are saying that "they did that too but to them, it was just parenting"?

I've gentle parented / attachment parented 2 DC into their teens. A teacher of young children, I felt I had seen enough evidence in my classroom over the 15 years in the run-up to my own DCs arrival that children parented this way were usually able to regulate their emotions well, treated staff and peers respectfully and were able to listen to and follow instructions. I also feel that, working with children, I was not afraid of being an authoritative (not authoritarian) adult.

When parenting my own DC, I have absolutely used boundaries and applied natural consequences. I have shown them appropriate emotional range and modelled how to regulate 'big' feelings, and how to repair and make good when things go wrong. I have had clear 'non-negotiables'; things which my DC would never question or try to 'get away with' in a million years. I have taught patience through being explicitly patient and lifted the DCs natural tendency for kindness and empathy with praise and positive reinforcement. What I have prioritised above all is being a warm, responsive and safe adult who is relentless in the consistency of this approach. My DC are no more amazing than anyone else's; one is ND and has had considerable challenges in education, but they are contented and secure in themselves and kind and respectful to others, as are most people's DC to a greater or lesser extent -I honestly think it is in children's nature to be good, thoughtful and empathetic. As parents, we just need to find the most effective and fulfilling ways of facilitating their development.

It just sounds like "parenting" then.

Why does it need a title?

If anything it should be called "good parenting" as the word "gentle" invokes views of ineffectual, passive people who daren't say "no" to their wild children.

My children have natural consequences and we talk to them about their choices. I would say we gentle parent, they’ve turned out to be really happy confident children who feel that they have a valued voice.

I much prefer that to the quiet children my siblings have produced. They are easy for them because they are detached and happy to play on their phones. Mine are louder, ask questions which means they talk to adults and want to socialise, will put down their devices in favour of interacting. Which involves effort on all the adults part but I always come away from get togethers feeling content with my choice.

Precocious. Doesn't mean naughty. It means clever/skilled/able beyond their years.

You could, but without the distraction of redirection, Oliver will probably keep hitting the cat while you keep saying "leave the cat alone now" and escalate into shouting and then Oliver doesn't understand what he's done wrong, only that he needs to leave the cat alone.

You can absolutely do it, but it's not as effective as the gentle approach.

Well certainly my gently-parented four year old walks around the supermarket with me and is generally chatty, pleasant and helpful while doing it.

Well. That's not gentle is it... That's ineffective
.

The parent should have removed the trolley from the child. Then he can't push it into the lady...

It is possible I'm a gentle parent who thinks I am an authoritative parent (or tries to be) and my friends are permissive parents who think they are gentle parents I guess.

Completely agree with this. My parents were fairly typical 80s parents. I was spanked few times, shouted at regularly, and told off for being 'huffy' or sulking any time I expressed a negative emotion. I quickly learned to be an obedient kid but I turned into a terrible people-pleaser as an adult - profoundly conflict averse, unable to stand up for myself, unable to say no, and perpetually anxious that I have upset people. It is taking a hell of a lot of therapy for me to unpick that damage.

Or, how about 'Oliver, leave the cat alone, now'?

I’d love to know more about gentle parenting as it I don’t really know much about it.

My DC are older now and I used to try and avoid shouting and losing my temper (although not always successfully!) and obviously they knew there were always boundaries but there wasn’t really a name for it then.

Again, permissive parenting disguised as gentle.

Gentle parenting would look like firm redirection to do something different, removal from the situation if one attempt at redirection doesn't work, then a discussion immediately afterwards (not during) about why that behaviour isn't acceptable.

"Oliver, come and look at this book/toy/interesting thing outside/whatever". If Oliver doesn't move away, separate Oliver and the cat. Then have the conversation about kind hands, if you can't use kind hands then you can't touch the cat because it will hurt the cat etc.

I'd say that is getting up and "let's go wash our hands"

Eh?

Any type of parent can ignore or over-parent a child, but this thread was specifically about so-called gentle parenting.
Out of interest, should a gentle parented nearly 6 year old be able to walk round the supermarket with mum, or should they be sprawled in a shopping trolley (in the food bit) making demands on a stressed looking mum? Answers on a postcard.

Are ‘so few people doing it’?

Im pretty intolerant and I’d say 99% of children I encounter are pretty pleasant and don’t seem to be causing any issues.

Precocious .